The best animal jokes

What did Mariah Carey really wanted to sing: "All I want for Christmas is you... to get hit by a reindeer."
Vote:
has 49.30 % from 26 votes. More jokes about: animal, life, music
Chuck Norris is the reason why This Little Piggy cried wee wee wee all the way home.
Vote:
has 49.30 % from 26 votes. More jokes about: animal, Chuck Norris
Q: How do you know the Easter Bunny is really smart? A: Because he's an egghead.
Vote:
has 49.30 % from 26 votes. More jokes about: animal, easter
What do you call a cow on a trampoline? A milkshake.
Vote:
has 49.25 % from 42 votes. More jokes about: animal
A father notices his young son staring at something on the ground. The father approaches his son and asks what he's looking at. The boy says that he sees two daddy long legs on top of each other, and asks what they're doing. They father replies that the two spiders are having sex. It's a completely natural thing that a mommy and daddy do when they love each other. The son then asks if one is a daddy long leg and the other is a mommy long leg. The father says that they're both daddy long legs. The son stomps on them, killing them. The father asks why he did that. The boy replies "I don't want any of that faggot-ass shit in my yard."
Vote:
has 49.12 % from 53 votes. More jokes about: animal, family, sex, vulgar
A cat died and went to heaven. St. Peter said to the cat, "Is there anything I can do to make your stay here better?" The cat said, "I've been sleeping on a cold floor and I'd love a warm pillow to sleep on. St. Peter gave a pillow to the cat, and the cat headed off to bed. Later, some mice came to St. Peter. They wanted roller skates to get around faster so St. Peter gave them their skates and the mice went off. The next evening St. Peter checks in on the cat. "How was your night last night?" The cat said "That pillow you gave me is really nice, but what I like the most about heaven is the Meals on Wheels."
Vote:
has 49.00 % from 44 votes. More jokes about: animal, cat, food, heaven
A man started to town with a fox, a goose, and a sack of corn. He came to a stream which he had to cross in a tiny boat. He could only take one across at a time. He could not leave the fox alone with the goose or the goose alone with the corn. How did he get them all safely over the stream? He took the goose over first and came back. Then he took the fox across and brought the goose back. Next he took the corn over. He came back alone and took the goose.
Vote:
has 49.00 % from 35 votes. More jokes about: animal, math
White owl: who who. Black owl: who dat who dat.
Vote:
has 48.92 % from 81 votes. More jokes about: animal, racist
Little Johnny: „Mom, can I get a dog at Christmas, please?"  Mother: „No, you'll be getting turkey, like every year!"
Vote:
has 48.86 % from 98 votes. More jokes about: animal, Christmas, dog, food, little Johnny
A penguin's car breaks down and he has it towed to a repair shop. The mechanic tells him that he should have some information in about an hour. The penguin sees an ice cream shop across the street so he wanders over while the mechanic works. He finds the vanilla is the best ice cream he's ever eaten and he eats it with messy and gluttonous abandon getting it all over his face. He goes back to the mechanic's to check on his car. The mechanic informs him, "It looks as though you've blown a seal." "Oh, no." replies the penguin "It's just some ice cream."
Vote:
has 48.79 % from 28 votes. More jokes about: animal, car, mechanic, work
<<<101102103104
More jokes →
Page 101 of 153.