What is the last thing to go through a bug's mind when it hits your windshield?
It's ass.
Unicorns are extinct but Chuck Norris used all their horns as toothpicks.
What happens when you kiss a canary?
You get chirpes, it can't be tweeted because its a canarial disease.
That bull you sold me is a lazy good-for-nothing.
I told you he was a bum steer.
What happened to the tiger who took a bath three times a day?
After a week he was spotless.
What did the lions say to his cubs when he taught them to hunt?
Don't go over the road till you see the zebra crossing.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To get to the other side…
Why did the bareback performer ride his horse?
Because it got too heavy to carry.
Q: Why can't you take a turkey to church?
A: Because they use such FOWL language.
What did Mariah Carey really wanted to sing: "All I want for Christmas is you... to get hit by a reindeer."