The best animal jokes

A woman walks into a bar with her 5 pound Chihuahua and sits down next to this guy, whom she notices is feeling a little bit queasy. A few minutes go buy and the guy looks at her and blows his chunks. He looks down and sees the little dog struggling in a pool of vomit and says, "Whoa, I don't remember eating that!"
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has 48.02 % from 32 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, animal, bar, dog
Why was the cannibal looking peeky? Because he had just eaten a Chinese dog!
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has 48.02 % from 32 votes. More jokes about: animal, black humor, dog, food
What's red and green and goes at 100mph? A frog in a blender.
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has 47.97 % from 43 votes. More jokes about: animal
A teacher was giving a lesson and was telling the pupils that we came from Adam and Eve. A hand went up and the kid said, "But my dad told me that we come from apes, Miss?" Miss replied, "Stay out of this one, Leroy!"
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has 47.87 % from 75 votes. More jokes about: animal, racist, teacher
A cat died and went to heaven. St. Peter said to the cat, "Is there anything I can do to make your stay here better?" The cat said, "I've been sleeping on a cold floor and I'd love a warm pillow to sleep on. St. Peter gave a pillow to the cat, and the cat headed off to bed. Later, some mice came to St. Peter. They wanted roller skates to get around faster so St. Peter gave them their skates and the mice went off. The next evening St. Peter checks in on the cat. "How was your night last night?" The cat said "That pillow you gave me is really nice, but what I like the most about heaven is the Meals on Wheels."
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has 47.79 % from 45 votes. More jokes about: animal, cat, food, heaven
Q: What is it called when a soldier slips into a fox hole? A: Bestiality
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has 47.79 % from 45 votes. More jokes about: animal, military
How do you know that carrots are good for your eyesight? Have YOU ever seen a rabbit with glasses?
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has 47.76 % from 60 votes. More jokes about: animal, food
Q. What do frogs do with paper? A. Rip-it!
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has 47.72 % from 34 votes. More jokes about: animal
The wild and mean bear grabs the hedgehog and asks him: "Were you at the fox’s party as well?" "Yes, I was. So what?" "Were you sitting on the table?" "Yeah, why?" The bear, ready to leg press him, changes his mind and says to the hedgehog: "Next time, wherever you go, take an umbrella with you!" "But why, my friend?" the hedgehog wonders. "Cause all night long, I was taking thorns off my ass!"
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has 47.72 % from 34 votes. More jokes about: animal, mean, party
Chuck Norris once broke a mirror over the head of a black cat while standing under a ladder on Friday the thirteenth. The next day he won the lottery.
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has 47.63 % from 47 votes. More jokes about: animal, Chuck Norris, money
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