Q: Why doesn't Tigger have any friends? A: He plays with Pooh.
Chuck Norris doesn't just bring home the bacon, he brings home the whole pig.
What did Mariah Carey really wanted to sing: "All I want for Christmas is you... to get hit by a reindeer."
What happens when you kiss a canary? You get chirpes, it can't be tweeted because its a canarial disease.
Chuck Norris eats black holes for breakfast. They taste like chicken.
How do you start a teddy bear race? Ready, teddy, go.
Chuck Norris doesn't get shark attacked, the shark gets Chuck Norris attacked.
The last time Chuck Norris was hungry, all the dinosaurs suddenly got extinct...
Chuck Norris doesn't play dead for bears, bears play dead for Chuck Norris.
Labradoodles were made when Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked a Labrador and a Poodle at the same time.