Q: Who was the most famous pirate octopus?
A: Captain Squid.
How should you treat a baby goat?
Like a kid.
Chuck Norris doesn't get shark attacked, the shark gets Chuck Norris attacked.
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The last time Chuck Norris was hungry, all the dinosaurs suddenly got extinct...
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Q: Why don't they let Blondes swim in the ocean?
A: Because they can't get the smell out of the tuna.
The Los Angeles Police Department (LAPD), The FBI, and the CIA are all trying to prove that they are the best at apprehending criminals.
The President decides to give them a test.
He releases a rabbit into a forest and each of them has to catch it.
The CIA goes in.
They place animal informants throughout the forest.
They question all plant and mineral witnesses.
After three months of extensive investigations they conclude that rabbits do not exist.
The FBI goes in.
After two weeks with no leads they burn the forest, killing everything in it, including the rabbit, and they make no apologies.
The rabbit had it coming.
The LAPD goes in.
They come out two hours later with a badly beaten bear.
The bear is yelling: "Okay!
Okay!
I'm a rabbit!
I'm a rabbit!"
Chuck Norris doesn't play dead for bears, bears play dead for Chuck Norris.
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Labradoodles were made when Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked a Labrador and a Poodle at the same time.
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Why does a chicken coop have 2 doors?
Because, if it had 4 doors it would be chicken sedan.
Q: What do the mosquito parents say to their small children, when they see people lying on the sandy beach during a hot summer day more than 15 minutes?
A: "Kids, prepare the cutlery and your chin-straps.
Our lunch is already heated up and ready for the consumption!"