What does an octopus take on a camping trip? Tentacles.
A husband and wife are eating soup. The wife spills soup all over her and says: "Oh no, I look like a pig" "Yes and you also have soup all over you!"
What do you call a cow on a trampoline? A milkshake.
How do you know that carrots are good for your eyesight? Have YOU ever seen a rabbit with glasses?
Q: How does a redneck tell the difference between a bull and a cow in the dark? A: He sticks his nose in the animal's ass. If there's a place for his tongue, it's a cow.
Q) What do you call a dog with no legs? A) It doesn't matter, he won't come!
A waitress walks up to a man to take his order. "I'd like to get the turtle soup, please." The waitress walks off to go get his order, but the man changes his mind and decides he wants the pea soup instead. "Hold the turtle, make it pea!"
Yo' Mama is so poor, when she goes to the park, the pigeons throw her bread.
Why did the moron give the sleepy cow a hammer? He wanted her to hit the hay!
What magazine makes cows stampede to the newsstand? Cows-mopolitan!