How do you know that carrots are good for your eyesight? Have YOU ever seen a rabbit with glasses?
A woman walks into a bar with her 5 pound Chihuahua and sits down next to this guy, whom she notices is feeling a little bit queasy. A few minutes go buy and the guy looks at her and blows his chunks. He looks down and sees the little dog struggling in a pool of vomit and says, "Whoa, I don't remember eating that!"
Q) What do you call a dog with no legs? A) It doesn't matter, he won't come!
Chuck Norris isn't a cat person but if he was, he would own 3 lions, a snow leopard, and cougar.
Q: Why can't you take a turkey to church? A: Because they use such FOWL language.
What do you call a penguin in the desert? Lost!
Chuck Norris does not buy ground beef, he just takes a whole cow, runs it through his beard, and fully cooked hamburgers come out.
Yo' Mama is so poor, when she goes to the park, the pigeons throw her bread.
Why did the moron give the sleepy cow a hammer? He wanted her to hit the hay!
What magazine makes cows stampede to the newsstand? Cows-mopolitan!