The best animal jokes

A bloke's wife goes missing while diving off the West Australian coast. He reports the event, searches fruitlessly and spends a terrible night wondering what could have happened to her.  Next morning there's a knock at the door and he is confronted by a couple of policemen, the old Sarge and a younger Constable. The Sarge says, "Mate, we have some news for you, unfortunately some really bad news, but, some good news, and maybe some more good news".  "Well," says the bloke, "I guess I'd better have the bad news first." The Sarge says, "I'm really sorry mate, but your wife is dead. Young Bill here found her lying at about five fathoms in a little cleft in the reef. He got a line around her and we pulled her up, but she was dead."  The bloke is naturally pretty distressed to hear of this and has a bit of a turn. But after a few minutes he pulls himself together and asks what the good news is. The Sarge says, "Well when we got your wife up there were quite a few really good sized crayfish and a swag of nice crabs attached to her, so we've brought you your share."  He hands the bloke a sugar bag with a couple of nice crays and four or five crabs in it.  "Geez, thanks. They're bloody beauties. I guess it's an ill wind and all that... so what's the other possible good news?" "Well", the Sarge says, "if you fancy a quick trip, me and young Bill here get off duty at around 11 o'clock and we're gonna shoot over there and pull her up again!"
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The mouse and the elephant pas together over a bridge, very proud the mouse says: Do you hear how the bridge vibrates under OUR footsteps?
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Q: Why does a dog stay in a shadow. A: Because it doesn't want to be a Hotdog.
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Chuck Norris once kicked a horse in the chin. Its decendants are known today as Giraffes.
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Chuck Norris doesn't sleep with a teddy bear. He sleeps with a real bear.
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What's a moo hoo for a bunch of weirdo cattle? A nerd herd.
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What is a moo hoo for the bucket that goes at the back end of the cow? A tail pail.
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Teacher: "Name five things that contain milk." Pupil: "Butter, cheese, ice cream … and two cows."
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What is the golden rule for cows? Do unto udders as you would have udders do to you.
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"May I buy half a rabbit?" "No, we don't split hares."
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