What do cows sing at their friends birthday parties? "Happy Birthday to MOO, Happy Birthday to Moo."
That bull you sold me is a lazy good-for-nothing. I told you he was a bum steer.
What happened to the tiger who took a bath three times a day? After a week he was spotless.
What did the lions say to his cubs when he taught them to hunt? Don't go over the road till you see the zebra crossing.
How many skunks do you need to make a house really smelly? Just a phew.
Why did the bareback performer ride his horse? Because it got too heavy to carry.
Q: Why can't you take a turkey to church? A: Because they use such FOWL language.
What did Mariah Carey really wanted to sing: "All I want for Christmas is you... to get hit by a reindeer."
A farmer went out one day and bought a brand new stud rooster for his chicken coop. The new rooster struts over to the old rooster and says, "OK old fart, time for you to retire." The old rooster replies, "Come on, surely you cannot handle ALL of these chickens. Look what it has done to me. Can't you just let me have the two old hens over in the corner?" The young rooster says, "Beat it: You are washed up and I am taking over." The old rooster says, "I tell you what, young stud. I will race you around the farmhouse. Whoever wins gets the exclusive domain over the entire chicken coop." The young rooster laughs. "You know you don't stand a chance, old man. So, just to be fair, I will give you a head start." The old rooster takes off running. About 15 seconds later the young rooster takes off running after him. They round the front porch of the farmhouse and the young rooster has closed the gap. He is only about 5 feet behind the old rooster and gaining fast. The farmer, meanwhile, is sitting in his usual spot on the front porch when he sees the roosters running by. The Old Rooster is squawking and running as hard as he can. The Farmer grabs his shotgun and - BOOM - he blows the young rooster to bits. The farmer sadly shakes his head and says, "Dammit... third fucking rooster I bought this month." Moral of this story? Don't mess with the OLD FARTS - age, skill, wisdom, and a little treachery will always overcome youth and arrogance!
Did you hear about the Irishman who couldn't tell the difference between his two horses? His friend suggested measuring them, that didn't help though, the Irishman discovered that the brown horse was only an inch taller than the white one!