How did cows feel when the branding iron was invented? They were very impressed.
There was once a puppy called May who loved to pick quarrels with animals who were bigger than she was. One day she argued with a lion. The next day was the first of June. Why? Because that was the end of May!
Go to your back door and look for the dog. If the dog is at the door and he is wet, it's probably raining. But if the dog is standing there really soaking wet, it is probably raining really hard. If the dog's fur looks like it's been rubbed the wrong way, it's probably windy. If the dog has snow on his back, it's probably snowing. Of course, to be able to tell the weather like this, you have to leave the dog outside all the time, especially if you expect bad weather. Yours sincerely, The CAT
What is the difference between an pilot and a pig? The pig doesn't turn into a pilot when it's drunk.
What do you call a fish with no eye? Fsh.
A blonde, a brunette and a redhead are stuck on top of a cliff. A magical bird flies to them and tells them that each one of them can jump off the cliff and wish to be one thing to fly away on. They will become that thing and can escape from their arduous situation. The redhead goes first. She jumps and says "eagle!". She turns into an eagle and flies away. The brunette jumps off and says,"hawk!" she turns into a hawk and flies away. The blonde takes a running start, trips on a rock as she nears the edge. "Oh crap!" she yells.
Birdie, birdie in the sky Dropped some white stuff in my eye, I'm a big girl I won't cry, I'm just glad that cows don't fly.
Why is there no gambling in Africa? -Too many Cheetahs!
Chuck Norris doesn't just bring home the bacon, he brings home the whole pig.
What do you get when you cross an Owl and a Rooster? A cock that stays up all night.