How many animals can you get into a pair of tights? 10 little piggies, 2 calves, 1 beaver, 1 ass, 1 p*ssy, thousands of hares and a dead fish no one can ever find.
What did the flower say to be the bee? "Buzz off you stupid ugly horny cunt."
What do you call a fish with no eye? Fsh.
A blonde, a brunette and a redhead are stuck on top of a cliff. A magical bird flies to them and tells them that each one of them can jump off the cliff and wish to be one thing to fly away on. They will become that thing and can escape from their arduous situation. The redhead goes first. She jumps and says "eagle!". She turns into an eagle and flies away. The brunette jumps off and says,"hawk!" she turns into a hawk and flies away. The blonde takes a running start, trips on a rock as she nears the edge. "Oh crap!" she yells.
Why is there no gambling in Africa? -Too many Cheetahs!
Chuck Norris doesn't just bring home the bacon, he brings home the whole pig.
What do you get when you cross an Owl and a Rooster? A cock that stays up all night.
What do you get if you cross a cow with a spaniel, a poodle, and a rooster? A cockerpoodlemoo.
Where do cows like to ride on trains? In the cow-boose.
Chuck Norris' dog is trained to pick up his own poop because Chuck Norris will not take shit from anyone.