An ant and an elephant share a night of romance. The next morning the ant wakes up and the elephant is dead. "Shit!" says the ant. "One night of passion and I will spend the rest of my life digging a grave!"
A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store, but couldn't find one big enough for her family. She asked a stock boy, "Do these turkeys get any bigger?" The stock boy replied, "No ma'am, they're dead."
Q: Why do pandas like old movies? A: Because they are black and white.
A lion once put his head inside the mouth of Chuck Norris.
What did the male squirrel say when the female attacked him... Get away from my nuts.
Q: What do you get when you cross donkey DNA with an onion? A: A piece of ass that will bring tears to your eyes.
Yo' Mama is so ugly, when I walked past your fence, she came out barking.
Why do cows think cooks are mean? They whip cream!
Why wouldn't anyone play with the little longhorn? He was too much of a bully!
What do you get when a cow goes to the Beach with tanning oil? Pre-tanned leather.