A man runs over a cat.
The cat’s address is on its collar so the man goes to apologise to the owner.
He knocks on the door and a little old lady answers.
The man says, ‘I’m so sorry.
I’ve just run over your cat.
Can I replace it?’
‘I don’t know,’ replies the old lady.
‘How are you at catching mice?’
An ant and an elephant share a night of romance.
The next morning the ant wakes up and the elephant is dead.
"Shit!" says the ant.
"One night of passion and I will spend the rest of my life digging a grave!"
A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store, but couldn't find one big enough for her family.
She asked a stock boy, "Do these turkeys get any bigger?"
The stock boy replied, "No ma'am, they're dead."
Q: Why do pandas like old movies?
A: Because they are black and white.
A lion once put his head inside the mouth of Chuck Norris.
What did the male squirrel say when the female attacked him...
Get away from my nuts.
Q: What do you get when you cross donkey DNA with an onion?
A: A piece of ass that will bring tears to your eyes.
Yo' Mama is so ugly, when I walked past your fence, she came out barking.
Chuck Norris uses live piranhas as bath toys.
Why do cows think cooks are mean?
They whip cream!