The best animal jokes

What did the flower say to be the bee? "Buzz off you stupid ugly horny cunt."
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has 59.74 % from 34 votes. More jokes about: animal, communication, dirty, vulgar
Johnny was playing outside when he really had to go to the bathroom. He runs in and his grandma was about to take a shower. He looks at her crotch and says, "Whats that?" She says: "Well, it's a beaver, Johnny." The next day the same thing happens, only his mom is taking the shower. He says: "Mom I know what that is. It's a beaver, but I think grandma's is dead because it's tongue is hanging out."
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has 59.64 % from 167 votes. More jokes about: animal, little Johnny, old people
Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the house everyone felt shitty even the mouse. Mom at the whorehouse and dad smoking grass, I settled down for a nice piece of ass. When all of a sudden I heard such a clatter, I sprung from my place to see what was the matter. When out on the lawn I saw a big dick, I new in a moment it must be Saint Nick. He came down the chimney like a bat out of hell, I knew in a moment the f*cker had fell. He filled all of our stockings with pretzels and beer and a big rubber dick for my brother the queer. He rose up the chimney with a thunderous fart, the son of a b*tch tore the chimney apart. He swore and he cursed as he flew out of sight, "piss on you all and have a hell of a night."
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has 59.60 % from 148 votes. More jokes about: animal, Christmas, dirty, fart
A man enters a little country store and sees a sign reading, ‘Danger! Beware of Dog’. He then sees an old hound dog lying asleep on the floor. ‘Is that the dog folks are supposed to beware of?’ says the man to the shopkeeper. ‘Yep,’ replies the shopkeeper. ‘Before I posted that sign, everyone kept tripping over him.’
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has 59.19 % from 15 votes. More jokes about: animal
What happened when the shark became famous? He tured into a starfish.
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has 59.19 % from 15 votes. More jokes about: animal
What do you get if you cross a woodpecker with a carrier pigeon? A bird who knocks before delivering its message !
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has 59.19 % from 15 votes. More jokes about: animal, bird, work
Q:What did the polar bear say when they saw tourists in sleeping bags? A:Mmmm, sandwiches!
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has 59.19 % from 15 votes. More jokes about: animal
Why is it that if you give a child an encyclopedia, lawyer is always the third thing they look up? Because the first thing a child looks up is dog. The second is snake. And under snake, the encyclopedia says See Lawyer.
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has 59.19 % from 15 votes. More jokes about: animal, lawyer
What do cows do for entertainment? They go to the mooooovies.
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has 59.19 % from 15 votes. More jokes about: animal
What is a cow's favourite TV show? Dr Moo.
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has 59.19 % from 15 votes. More jokes about: animal
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