The best animal jokes

Two little squirrels were walking along in the forest. The first one spied a nut and cried out, "Oh, look! A nut!" The second squirrel jumped on it and said, "It's my nut!" The first squirrel said, "That's not fair! I saw it first!" "Well, you may have seen it, but I have it," argued the second. At that point, a lawyer squirrel came up and said, "You shouldn't quarrel.Let me resolve this dispute." The two squirrels nodded, and the lawyer squirrel said, "Now, give me the nut." He broke the nut in half, and handed half to each squirrel, saying, "See? It was foolish of you to fight. Now the dispute is resolved." Then he reached over and said, "And for my fee, I'll take the meat."
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has 59.74 % from 34 votes. More jokes about: animal, food, lawyer
During a Papal audience, a business man approached the Pope and made this offer: Change the last line of the Lord’s prayer from "give us this day our daily bread" to "give us this day our daily chicken" and KFC will donate 10 million dollars to Catholic charities. The Pope declined. 2 weeks later the man approached the Pope again. This time with a 50 million dollar offer. Again the Pope declined. A month later the man offers 100 million, this time the Pope accepts. At a meeting of the Cardinals, The Pope announces his decision in the good news/bad news format. The good news is… that we have 100 million dollars for charities. The bad news is that we lost the Wonder Bread account!
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has 59.74 % from 34 votes. More jokes about: animal, food, money
How many animals can you get into a pair of tights? 10 little piggies, 2 calves, 1 beaver, 1 ass, 1 p*ssy, thousands of hares and a dead fish no one can ever find.
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has 59.74 % from 34 votes. More jokes about: animal, death, fish
What did the flower say to be the bee? "Buzz off you stupid ugly horny cunt."
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has 59.74 % from 34 votes. More jokes about: animal, communication, dirty, vulgar
Yo mama so ugly that when she delivered a little baby after birth the baby saw mum and screamed "It's a gorilla!".
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has 59.71 % from 63 votes. More jokes about: animal, baby, insulting, ugly, Yo mama
A man enters a little country store and sees a sign reading, ‘Danger! Beware of Dog’. He then sees an old hound dog lying asleep on the floor. ‘Is that the dog folks are supposed to beware of?’ says the man to the shopkeeper. ‘Yep,’ replies the shopkeeper. ‘Before I posted that sign, everyone kept tripping over him.’
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has 59.19 % from 15 votes. More jokes about: animal
Q:What did the polar bear say when they saw tourists in sleeping bags? A:Mmmm, sandwiches!
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has 59.19 % from 15 votes. More jokes about: animal
Yo' Mama is so fat, when she went to KFC, she ordered the bucket of chicken on the roof.
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has 59.19 % from 15 votes. More jokes about: animal, fat, food, Yo mama
What's a moo hoo for grazing school? Grass class.
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has 59.19 % from 15 votes. More jokes about: animal, school
What do you call a tired cow? Milked out.
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has 59.19 % from 15 votes. More jokes about: animal
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