Chuck Norris once wrestled a thirty foot snake, and then he realized he was just masturbating.
What did the bee say to the flower? "Hi, honey."
Q: Why is the old, worn out horse named Flattery? A: Because it gets you nowhere.
Tow millipedes went for honey moon. The male one asked: "My darling, between which feet is your pussy, please?"
What is the difference between an pilot and a pig? The pig doesn't turn into a pilot when it's drunk.
A three-year-old boy fell eighteen feet into a zoo enclosure containing seven gorillas. He was immediately rescued, not by zookeepers, but by one of the animals. The 150 lb. female gorilla picked up the unconscious form of the boy and laid it at a door to be easily retrieved by zookeepers. This cross-species rescue has resulted in thousands of dollars in donations to the zoo. It is perhaps because of these donations that zookeepers have kept quiet about one vital detail, a hastily scrawled note tucked in the boy's collar: "Thanks; but we prefer fruit."
Yo' Mama is like a donkey: everybody rides the ass.
That tornado damage your cow barn any? Dunno. Haven't found the durn thing yet.
What two members of the cow family go everywhere with you? Your calves.
What is the most important use for cowhide? To hold the cow together.