What's a cow's favorite moosical note? Beef-flat!
That tornado damage your cow barn any? Dunno. Haven't found the durn thing yet.
What two members of the cow family go everywhere with you? Your calves.
What do you get if you cross a steer and a chicken? Roost beef.
What game do little cows like to play? Moonopoly.
A Shark alarm at Sydneys Bondi Beach sent everyone rushing from the water except for three young boys who didn't hear the siren. Onlookers were horrified to see a dorsel fin moving fast towards them. Suddenly, a tall bloke took a deep breath, dived into the surf, swam past the shark, and scooped up two of the boys, swiftly bringing them to the shore and safety. He then took another deep breath and swam out again, snatching the third boy before rapidly approaching, before the monster could attack. Then got him back to the beach in one piece. The heroic bloke then put a knife between his clenched teeth, swam out to the shark, and killed it in a furious battle. As he staggered out from the surf, bleeding and battered, a journalist raced up to him and said, That was the most heroic thing I've ever witnessed mate. This will appear on the front page of tomorrows newspaper: Aussie hero saves three boys from killer shark! Thanks. Smiles the fella, but I'm not an Aussie. I'm a British backpacker. No worries, said the journalist with a frown, it'll still be front-page news. The next day, the newspapers headline screamed, Pommy bastard kills boy's pet fish!
Why was the little bear so spoiled? Because its mother panda d to its every whim.
If they made a movie starring the Loch Ness monster and the great white shark from Jaws, what would the movie be called? Loch Jaws.
What is the difference between an pilot and a pig? The pig doesn't turn into a pilot when it's drunk.
Q: Why didn't go Noah fishing? A: He only had two worms.