The best animal jokes

What do dinosaurs put on their floors? Rep-tiles.
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has 58.52 % from 27 votes. More jokes about: animal
How do elephants hide in the jungle? Paint their balls red and pretend they are cherries! What's the loudest noise in the jungle? Monkeys eating cherries...
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has 58.52 % from 27 votes. More jokes about: animal, elephant
A mother and her young son were flying Southwest Airlines from Kansas City to Chicago. The son turned from the window to his mother and asked, "If big dogs have baby dogs and big cats have baby cats, why don’t big planes have baby planes?" The mother said, "Well, maybe that’s something you could ask the stewardess." So the boy asked the stewardess, "If big dogs have baby dogs and big cats have baby cats, why don’t big planes have baby planes?" The stewardess responded, "Did your mother tell you to ask me?" The boy admitted that this was the case. "Well, then, tell your mother that there are no baby planes because Southwest always pulls out on time. You can ask your mother to explain it to you."
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has 58.52 % from 27 votes. More jokes about: airplane, animal, dog, kids, travel
Two cows are standing in a field. One says to the other "Are you worried about Mad Cow Disease?" The other one says "No, It doesn't worry me, I'm a horse!"
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has 58.51 % from 24 votes. More jokes about: animal, health
"My friend is nuts. He thinks he's Bugs Bunny. But I m positive he isn't." "How do you know he isn t?" "Because I am."
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has 58.51 % from 24 votes. More jokes about: animal
Why don't lobsters share? They re shellfish.
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has 58.51 % from 24 votes. More jokes about: animal, fish
How much money did the bronco have? Only a buck!
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has 58.51 % from 24 votes. More jokes about: animal, money
Two alligators are sitting on the edge of a swamp. The small one turns to the big one and says; I don't understand how you can be so much bigger than me. We're the same age, we were the same size as kids... I just don't get it." "Well," says the big alligator, "what have you been eating?" "Lawyers, same as you," replies the small alligator. "Hm. Well, where do you catch 'em?" "Down at that law firm on the edge of the swamp." "Same here. Hm. How do you catch 'em?" "Well, I crawl under a BMW and wait for someone to unlock the door. Then I jump out, bite 'em, shake the shit out of 'em, and eat 'em!" "Ah!" says the big alligator, "I think I see your problem. See, by the time you get done shakin' the shit out of a lawyer, there's nothing left but lips and a briefcase..."
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has 58.26 % from 44 votes. More jokes about: animal, kids, lawyer
First Caribou: What kind of math do owls like? Second Caribou: Owlgebra.
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has 58.26 % from 44 votes. More jokes about: animal, math
A man meets a gorgeous woman in a bar. They talk, they connect, and they end up leaving together. They get back to her place, and as she shows him around, he notices that her bedroom is completely packed with teddy bears. Hundreds of small bears are on a shelf all the way along the floor, medium sized ones are on a shelf a little higher, and huge bears are on the top shelf along the wall. The man is kind of surprised by the collection, especially because it’s so extensive, but he decides not to mention this to her. She turns to him…they kiss…then they rip each other’s clothes off and romp around the room all night. After an intense night of passion, as they are lying there together in the afterglow, the man rolls over and asks, smiling, “Well, how’d I do?” The woman says, “You can have any prize from the bottom shelf.”
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has 58.00 % from 71 votes. More jokes about: animal, bar, women
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