The best animal jokes

Q: Why is the old, worn out horse named Flattery? A: Because it gets you nowhere.
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has 58.98 % from 8 votes. More jokes about: animal
A three-year-old boy fell eighteen feet into a zoo enclosure containing seven gorillas. He was immediately rescued, not by zookeepers, but by one of the animals. The 150 lb. female gorilla picked up the unconscious form of the boy and laid it at a door to be easily retrieved by zookeepers. This cross-species rescue has resulted in thousands of dollars in donations to the zoo. It is perhaps because of these donations that zookeepers have kept quiet about one vital detail, a hastily scrawled note tucked in the boy's collar: "Thanks; but we prefer fruit."
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has 58.75 % from 18 votes. More jokes about: animal
A man and his little boy were walking through the park when a honeybee landed near them. The boy ran over and stomped on it. The father gave him a lecture about having respect for living things and added, "Just for that you can’t have any honey for two weeks!" Pretty soon a butterfly landed near them. The boy ran over and stomped on it. Again, the father gave him a lecture and added, "Just for that you can’t have any butter for two weeks!" When they got home, they went into the kitchen, and a cockroach ran across the floor. The mother ran over and stomped on it. The boy said to his father, "Well do you want to tell her, or shall I?"
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has 58.75 % from 18 votes. More jokes about: animal, dad, kids
Yo' Mama is like a donkey: everybody rides the ass.
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has 58.75 % from 18 votes. More jokes about: animal, insulting, Yo mama
Chuck Norris can make a turtle go faster.
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has 58.75 % from 18 votes. More jokes about: animal, Chuck Norris, travel
What do you call a deer with no eyes? I have no I-Deer.
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has 58.75 % from 18 votes. More jokes about: animal
That tornado damage your cow barn any? Dunno. Haven't found the durn thing yet.
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has 58.75 % from 18 votes. More jokes about: animal, weather
What two members of the cow family go everywhere with you? Your calves.
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has 58.75 % from 18 votes. More jokes about: animal, family
What do you get if you cross a steer and a chicken? Roost beef.
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has 58.75 % from 18 votes. More jokes about: animal, food
A Shark alarm at Sydney’s Bondi Beach sent everyone rushing from the water –except for three young boys who didn’'t hear the siren. Onlookers were horrified to see a dorsel fin moving fast towards them. Suddenly, a tall bloke took a deep breath, dived into the surf, swam past the shark, and scooped up two of the boys, swiftly bringing them to the shore and safety. He then took another deep breath and swam out again, snatching the third boy before rapidly approaching, before the monster could attack. Then got him back to the beach in one piece. The heroic bloke then put a knife between his clenched teeth, swam out to the shark, and killed it in a furious battle. As he staggered out from the surf, bleeding and battered, a journalist raced up to him and said, “That was the most heroic thing I’'ve ever witnessed mate. This will appear on the front page of tomorrow’s newspaper: “Aussie hero saves three boys from killer shark!” “Thanks.” Smiles the fella, “but I'’m not an Aussie. I'’m a British backpacker.” “No worries,” said the journalist with a frown, “it'’ll still be front-page news.” The next day, the newspaper’s headline screamed, “Pommy bastard kills boy'’s pet fish!”
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has 58.75 % from 18 votes. More jokes about: animal, death
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