How do you stop a baby crawling round in circles ? Nail its other hand to the floor.
Which is the only day you you are safe in a cannibal village? Sitter days (when they eat the baby-sitter instead)!
Little known medical fact: Chuck Norris invented the Caesarean section when he roundhouse-kicked his way out of his monther's womb.
What's red and lies in all four corners of the room? A baby that's been playing with a chainsaw.
A mother goes to the market and leaves her lilttle boy in the house. Meanwhile, she leaves her phone charging on the floor in the house. Unfortunately, power goes off and there is a message that comes with a sound on the phone. The message reads, ' battery low'. Concerned, the little boy picks the phone and puts it on the table and wait for some time waiting to see another message on the phone that should read, 'battery high'. He was disappointed.
Why are test tube babies the most beautiful ones? Because they're hand made.
Three women were sitting in a bar, (burnette, redhead, and a blonde) they were all pregnant. The burnette says, "I know what I'm going to have." The other to asked how. She replied, "Well I was on top when I concieved so I will have a baby boy". The red head said, "If your logic is correct then I will have a baby girl because I was on the bottom when I concieved. The blonde starts crying and orders another shot and starts screaming, "PUPPIES, PUPPIES!".
What is a baby? "A soft pink thing that makes a lot of noise at one end and has no sense of responsibility at the other."
Q: What's worse then finding 10 zombie babies in a garbage can? A: Finding one zombie baby in 10 garbage cans.
How do you unload a truck of zombie babies? With a pitchfork.