What's red and lies in all four corners of the room? A baby that's been playing with a chainsaw.
Girlfriend pregnant error... Abort, Marry, Ignore?
Why are test tube babies the most beautiful ones? Because they're hand made.
Three women were sitting in a bar, (burnette, redhead, and a blonde) they were all pregnant. The burnette says, "I know what I'm going to have." The other to asked how. She replied, "Well I was on top when I concieved so I will have a baby boy". The red head said, "If your logic is correct then I will have a baby girl because I was on the bottom when I concieved. The blonde starts crying and orders another shot and starts screaming, "PUPPIES, PUPPIES!".
How do you unload a truck of zombie babies? With a pitchfork.
What is a baby? "A soft pink thing that makes a lot of noise at one end and has no sense of responsibility at the other."
What's blue and thrashes about on the floor? A baby playing in a plastic bag.
Q: Why do you put babies into a blender feet first? A: So you can see the look in their eyes when you turn it on!
How did the live baby escape from a room filled with with zombie babies? He ate his way out.
How do you stop a baby falling down a manhole? Stick a javelin through it's head.