Smith was hit by a car, died, and went to heaven. And everyone who goes to heaven has to work. God went up to Smith, and said: Smith, you are going to make babies. Here is this wheel, and every time you turn it, a baby will come out. For hours, Smith spun the wheel at full speed, then he started to get tired. As he was slowing down, a black baby came out...and Smith said: **** I better hurry because they are burning."
Why are test tube babies the most beautiful ones? Because they're hand made.
Three women were sitting in a bar, (burnette, redhead, and a blonde) they were all pregnant. The burnette says, "I know what I'm going to have." The other to asked how. She replied, "Well I was on top when I concieved so I will have a baby boy". The red head said, "If your logic is correct then I will have a baby girl because I was on the bottom when I concieved. The blonde starts crying and orders another shot and starts screaming, "PUPPIES, PUPPIES!".
Girlfriend pregnant error... Abort, Marry, Ignore?
How do you unload a truck of zombie babies? With a pitchfork.
What is a baby? "A soft pink thing that makes a lot of noise at one end and has no sense of responsibility at the other."
What's blue and thrashes about on the floor? A baby playing in a plastic bag.
Q: Why do you put babies into a blender feet first? A: So you can see the look in their eyes when you turn it on!
How did the live baby escape from a room filled with with zombie babies? He ate his way out.
How do you stop a baby falling down a manhole? Stick a javelin through it's head.