What did the blonde say to her doctor when he told her she was pregnant? "Is it mine?"
What's funnier than a dead baby? A dead baby in a clown costume!
Q: Which sexual position produces the ugliest children? A: Ask your mom.
A scoutmaster asked one of his troop what good deed he had done for the day. "Well, Skip," said the scout, "Dad had only one bottle of beer left, so I let my baby brother have it."
A woman got on a bus holding a baby. The bus driver looked at the child and blurted out, "That's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!" Infuriated, the woman slammed her fare into the fare box and took an aisle seat near the rear of the bus. The man seated next to her sensed that she was agitated and asked her what was wrong. "The bus driver insulted me," she fumed. The man sympathized and said, "Why, he shouldn't say things to insult passengers. He could be fired for that." "You're right," she said. "I think I'll go back up there and give him a piece of my mind!" "That's a good idea," the man said. "Here, let me hold your monkey."
How do you stop a baby crawling round in circles ? Nail its other hand to the floor.
When a woman found out that she was pregnant, she lit up the phone lines telling everyone the good news. One day later that week, she took her 4 year old son, Sam, out shopping. A woman asked the boy if he was excited about the baby. "Yes", he said. "I know what we're going to name it. If it is a girl, we're calling her Molly and if it is a boy, we're going to call it quits.
Why would the cannibal only eat babies? He was on a diet!
Which is the only day you you are safe in a cannibal village? Sitter days (when they eat the baby-sitter instead)!
When Chuck Norris had a baby he was horny for the nurse and had a 70-inch long.