What did the blonde say to her doctor when he told her she was pregnant? "Is it mine?"
How do you stop a baby crawling round in circles ? Nail its other hand to the floor.
Smith was hit by a car, died, and went to heaven. And everyone who goes to heaven has to work. God went up to Smith, and said: Smith, you are going to make babies. Here is this wheel, and every time you turn it, a baby will come out. For hours, Smith spun the wheel at full speed, then he started to get tired. As he was slowing down, a black baby came out...and Smith said: **** I better hurry because they are burning."
Q: Why was the black baby crying? A: He had diarea and thought he was melting.
What's red and lies in all four corners of the room? A baby that's been playing with a chainsaw.
Girlfriend pregnant error... Abort, Marry, Ignore?
When a woman found out that she was pregnant, she lit up the phone lines telling everyone the good news. One day later that week, she took her 4 year old son, Sam, out shopping. A woman asked the boy if he was excited about the baby. "Yes", he said. "I know what we're going to name it. If it is a girl, we're calling her Molly and if it is a boy, we're going to call it quits.
How do you unload a truck of zombie babies? With a pitchfork.
A scoutmaster asked one of his troop what good deed he had done for the day. "Well, Skip," said the scout, "Dad had only one bottle of beer left, so I let my baby brother have it."
Why are test tube babies the most beautiful ones? Because they're hand made.