Which is the only day you you are safe in a cannibal village? Sitter days (when they eat the baby-sitter instead)!
Me: "Here comes the airplane!" Baby: Opens mouth. Me: "OH NO! It's the Taliban!" Hits baby in the forehead with the spoon. "KA-BOOM"
Woman delivers baby. Doctor takes the baby, and throws it, smashing around the hospital room, drop-kicking it, etc. Mother starts freaking out, being held back by nurses, begging "WHY!?" Doctor holds baby upside down by the ankle and says "I'm just fucking with you, it was born dead".
How do you fit 500 babies into a phone booth? With a blender. How do you get them out? Nachos - make a dipping and snacking motion.
How many babies does it take to paint a house? Depends how hard you throw them.
How do you make a baby drink? Stick it in the blender.
Why would the cannibal only eat babies? He was on a diet!
What's funnier than a dead baby? A dead baby in a clown costume!
What do you get when you have sex with a pregnant woman? A baby with a black eye!
How do you stop a baby crawling round in circles ? Nail its other hand to the floor.
Smith was hit by a car, died, and went to heaven. And everyone who goes to heaven has to work. God went up to Smith, and said: Smith, you are going to make babies. Here is this wheel, and every time you turn it, a baby will come out. For hours, Smith spun the wheel at full speed, then he started to get tired. As he was slowing down, a black baby came out...and Smith said: **** I better hurry because they are burning."