The best baby jokes

When Chuck Norris was a baby he didnt have teddy bears. He had real bears.
Vote: has 81.63 % from 164 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, baby, Chuck Norris
Nurse: "If youre going to give grapes to a baby make sure you cut them in half." Me: [visibly confused] Wife: "The grapes, not the baby."
Vote: has 81.40 % from 37 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: baby, kids, wife
Woman at a maternity hospital is in a lot of pain, moaning. The man strokes her back, "I'm so sorry sweetheart that you have to endure this..." "Don't worry Steve, it's not your fault."
Vote: has 81.28 % from 21 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: baby, couple, hospital, sex, women
Dustin and Jane (both blonde) were delighted when finally their long wait to adopt a baby had come to an end. The adoption center called and told them they had a wonderful Russian baby boy, and the couple took him without hesitation. On the way home from the adoption center, they stopped by the local college so they each could enroll in night courses. After they filled out the form, the registration clerk inquired, “What ever possessed you to study Russian?” The couple said proudly, “We just adopted a Russian baby and in a year or so he’ll start to talk. We just want to be able to understand him.”
Vote: has 81.21 % from 78 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: baby, blonde, college, couple
What did the Asian parents name their retarded baby. Sum ting wong.
Vote: has 80.47 % from 571 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: baby, racist
Little Johnny asks, "Mommy, where do babies come from?" His mother replies, "The stork brings them." Little Johnny, puzzled, asks, "Then who fucks the stork?"
Vote: has 80.40 % from 246 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: baby, little Johnny, sex
What is the difference between pressure, anxiety and panic attacks? You have pressure when your wife is pregnant. You are anxious when your girlfriend is pregnant. You have panic attacks when both of them are pregnant!
Vote: has 80.05 % from 67 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: baby, life, wife
A frightened investor goes to his financial planner and asks if he’s at all worried about the volatility of the markets these days. The planner replies that he sure does! In fact, he says that he sleeps like a baby. The frightened investor was amazed! "Really? Even with all the fluctuations?" "Yup! I sleep for a couple of hours, and then I wake up and I cry for a couple of hours."
Vote: has 79.91 % from 34 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: baby, money, time
Do you know why babys cry when they are born? Because they know they are entering the world with chuck Norris in it.
Vote: has 79.71 % from 84 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: baby, Chuck Norris
Kid to a pregnant girl at bus stop: "What are you expecting?" The girl says, "A bus." The kid turns to his friend and says: "Wow! I am 100% sure this chick got screwed by a Transformer!"
Vote: has 79.52 % from 169 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: baby, car, life, sex