The best baby jokes

Peter: My mom is having a new baby. Joy: What's wrong with the old one?
Vote: has 76.87 % from 139 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: baby, kids
Two old men in a retirement village were sitting in the reading room and one said to the other, ''How do you really feel? I mean, you're 75 years old, how do you honestly feel?'' ''Honestly, I feel like a new born baby. I've got no hair, no teeth, and I just peed myself.''
Vote: has 76.48 % from 117 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: age, baby, old people
Your mamas so skinny she swallowed a meatball n thought she was pregnant.
Vote: has 76.42 % from 208 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: baby, Yo mama
When Chuck Norris was a baby, he sucked on a pacifier and made it cry.
Vote: has 76.32 % from 16 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: baby, Chuck Norris
Do you know why babys cry when they are born? Because they know they are entering the world with chuck Norris in it.
Vote: has 76.09 % from 115 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: baby, Chuck Norris
A man speaks frantically into the phone, "My wife is pregnant, and her contractions are only two minutes apart!" "Is this her first child?" the doctor queries. "No, you idiot!" the man shouts. "This is her husband!"
Vote: has 76.06 % from 28 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: baby, doctor, husband, phone, stupid
Jimmy's new baby brother was screaming up a storm. He asked his mom, "Where'd we get him?" His mother replied, "He came from heaven, Jimmy." Jimmy says, "Now! I can see why they threw him out!
Vote: has 76.04 % from 134 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: baby, heaven, kids
Two girlfriends meet again after a few years. One is pushing around a baby buggy. The first girlfriend looks at the baby and is perplexed. "Black skin? Blue slit eyes? A blonde afro? How did you do that?" Murmurs the other woman. "Damn gangbang! At least he doesn't bark!"
Vote: has 75.96 % from 39 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: baby, dirty, racist, sex, time
The nurse told the parents of a newly born child, "You have a cute baby." The smiling husband said, "I bet you say that to all new parents." "No," she replied, "just to those whose babies really are good-looking." The husband again asked "So what do you say to the others?" The nurse replied, "The baby looks just like you."
Vote: has 75.45 % from 163 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: baby, kids, nurse
A desperate man goes to the doctor because he can't get a hard-on. He says " Doc I can't live without sex, I need the use of my equipment back!! " The Doc says " There is an experimental procedure where the mucles of a baby elephants' trunk are removed and implanted in your penis, this gives you the full use of your penis." Great I'll do it. Some time after the procedure, the man is at dinner with his date. He feels a rustle in his pants. So he just ignored it. It happens again. So he figured it just needed some air. So he unzips his pants to let it out. The problem seemed to go away until his penis reached up onto the table, grabbed a roll and disapeared back under the table. His date stared in complete awe and said " Can you do that again". He said " Probally but I don't think I could fit another roll up my ass."
Vote: has 74.73 % from 341 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: baby, doctor, elephant, food, sex