The best baby jokes

A desperate man goes to the doctor because he can't get a hard-on. He says " Doc I can't live without sex, I need the use of my equipment back!! " The Doc says " There is an experimental procedure where the mucles of a baby elephants' trunk are removed and implanted in your penis, this gives you the full use of your penis." Great I'll do it. Some time after the procedure, the man is at dinner with his date. He feels a rustle in his pants. So he just ignored it. It happens again. So he figured it just needed some air. So he unzips his pants to let it out. The problem seemed to go away until his penis reached up onto the table, grabbed a roll and disapeared back under the table. His date stared in complete awe and said " Can you do that again". He said " Probally but I don't think I could fit another roll up my ass."
Vote:
has 76.03 % from 405 votes. More jokes about: baby, doctor, elephant, food, sex
My wife is so negative. I remembered the car seat, the stroller, AND the diaper bag. Yet all she can talk about is how I forgot the baby.
Vote:
has 75.58 % from 69 votes. More jokes about: baby, car, kids, wife
A kid asks his mom "why his sisters' middle name is Paris?" "Because that's where we conceived her." "Next, I was going to ask why my middle name is Chevy but now I know why."
Vote:
has 75.57 % from 64 votes. More jokes about: baby, birthday, family, geography, sex
After the baby was baptized, her four-year-old brother was crying inconsolably in the back seat of the car. "What’s the matter Johnny?" asked his concerned mother. Johnny replied: "That man said that he hoped our baby would be raised in a good Christian home… I just want her to stay with you guys."
Vote:
has 75.54 % from 182 votes. More jokes about: baby, car, christian, little Johnny
Mommy Bear and Daddy Bear were in divorce court. The judge looked down and asked the Baby Bear, "So Baby Bear, do you want to live with Daddy Bear?" "Oh, no," Baby Bear replied, "I don't want to live with Daddy Bear. He beat me." "Well then, you should live with Mommy Bear," answered the judge. "On, no, I don't want to live with Mommy Bear. She beat me." "Well then, Baby Bear, who do you want to live with?" Baby Bear said, "I want to live with the Chicago Bears. They don't beat anybody!"
Vote:
has 74.87 % from 278 votes. More jokes about: animal, baby, divorce, sport
When Chuck Norris was a baby he didnt have teddy bears. He had real bears.
Vote:
has 74.75 % from 337 votes. More jokes about: animal, baby, Chuck Norris
Mum has told her little girl all about the making of babies. Little Annie is now silent for a while. "You understand it now?" Mum asks. "Yes," replies her daughter. "Do you still have any questions?" "Yes, how about little kittens? How does that work?" "In exactly the same way as with babies." "Wow!" the girl exclaims. "My daddy can do ANYTHING!"
Vote:
has 74.63 % from 71 votes. More jokes about: baby, kids, kitty
Peter: My mom is having a new baby. Joy: What's wrong with the old one?
Vote:
has 74.08 % from 154 votes. More jokes about: baby, kids
Two girlfriends meet again after a few years. One is pushing around a baby buggy. The first girlfriend looks at the baby and is perplexed. "Black skin? Blue slit eyes? A blonde afro? How did you do that?" Murmurs the other woman. "Damn gangbang! At least he doesn't bark!"
Vote:
has 73.99 % from 175 votes. More jokes about: baby, dirty, racist, sex, time
Your mamas so skinny she swallowed a meatball n thought she was pregnant.
Vote:
has 73.47 % from 267 votes. More jokes about: baby, Yo mama
<<<4567
More jokes →
Page 4 of 17.