The best baby jokes

Kid to a pregnant girl at bus stop: "What are you expecting?" The girl says, "A bus." The kid turns to his friend and says: "Wow! I am 100% sure this chick got screwed by a Transformer!"
Vote:
has 78.84 % from 311 votes. More jokes about: baby, car, life, sex
The nurse told the parents of a newly born child, "You have a cute baby." The smiling husband said, "I bet you say that to all new parents." "No," she replied, "just to those whose babies really are good-looking." The husband again asked "So what do you say to the others?" The nurse replied, "The baby looks just like you."
Vote:
has 78.60 % from 209 votes. More jokes about: baby, kids, nurse
Little Johnny's neighbour had a baby. Unfortunately, the baby was born without ears. When mother and new baby came home from the hospital, Johnny's family was invited over to see the baby. Before they left their house, Little Johnny's dad had a talk with him and explained that the baby had no ears. His dad also told him that if he so much mentioned anything about the baby's missing ears or even said the word ears, he would get the smacking of his life when they came back home. Little Johnny told his dad he understood completely. When Johnny looked in the crib he said: "What a beautiful baby." The mother said, 'Why, Thank you Johnny." Johnny said: "He has beautiful little feet, beautiful little hands, a cute little nose and really beautiful eyes. Can he see all right?" "Yes", the mother replied, "we are so thankful; the Doctor said he will have 20/20 Vision." "That's great", said Little Johnny, "cos he'd be f*cked if he needed glasses!"
Vote:
has 78.59 % from 660 votes. More jokes about: baby, beauty, family, hospital, little Johnny
What did the Asian parents name their retarded baby. Sum ting wong.
Vote:
has 77.62 % from 924 votes. More jokes about: baby, racist
A 64-year-old lady never had any kids, so she went to her doctor and asked if he would help her with in-vitro fertilization. He said, "You're a little old, but I guess we could give it a try." A few months later she got pregnant. She invited her girlfriends over to see the baby, and they all very anxious to see the baby boy. The newly mother said, "why don't we just talk awhile." As time went on, her friends asked again and again where is the baby... She said, "We never get a chance to talk, and here is our chance to catch up!" Finally they insisted on seeing him. She said, "Well, we'll just have to wait until he cries before you all can see him." The women were puzzled. And she said, "I don't remember where I put him."
Vote:
has 77.53 % from 42 votes. More jokes about: age, baby, doctor, memory, time
A kid asks his mom "why his sisters' middle name is Paris?" "Because that's where we conceived her." "Next, I was going to ask why my middle name is Chevy but now I know why."
Vote:
has 77.53 % from 59 votes. More jokes about: baby, birthday, family, geography, sex
Why can't Chinese couples have Caucasian babies? Because two Wongs don't make a white!
Vote:
has 77.46 % from 460 votes. More jokes about: baby, racist
Two old men in a retirement village were sitting in the reading room and one said to the other, ''How do you really feel? I mean, you're 75 years old, how do you honestly feel?'' ''Honestly, I feel like a new born baby. I've got no hair, no teeth, and I just peed myself.''
Vote:
has 77.38 % from 127 votes. More jokes about: age, baby, old people
When a lady is pregnant, all her friends touch her stomach ad say "Congrats!". But none of them come and touch the man's Penis and say "Well done!". Moral: Hard work is never appreciated, only result matters...
Vote:
has 77.26 % from 255 votes. More jokes about: baby, life, management, work
When Chuck Norris was a baby he didnt have teddy bears. He had real bears.
Vote:
has 76.80 % from 316 votes. More jokes about: animal, baby, Chuck Norris
<<<3456
More jokes →
Page 3 of 17.