The best baby jokes

Kid to a pregnant girl at bus stop: "What are you expecting?" The girl says, "A bus." The kid turns to his friend and says: "Wow! I am 100% sure this chick got screwed by a Transformer!"
Vote: has 78.82 % from 190 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: baby, car, life, sex
A pregnant woman is about to give birth. The doctor has her on the delivery table, legs up in the stirrups. Suddenly, he sees the top of a head push through. Then the baby pops its head out and says to the doctor, “Are you my dad?”. The doctor says, “No, I am your doctor!”. With that, the baby pops right back inside. “Damn!”, says the doctor. A short while later he sees the head push through again. “Are you my dad?”, asks the baby. “No, I am your doctor.”, he replies. Once again the baby vanishes back into his mother’s womb. The doctor turns to a nurse and says, “Nurse, get that baby’s father in here right away–we may have a situation on our hands!”. Moments later the baby’s father is in the delivery room, and the baby’s head once again pops out. “Are you my dad?”, the baby asks of the father. The father replies, “Yes, little baby, I am your father!” The baby then reaches up and begins poking his father in the forehead with his index finger–”How do you like that?”
Vote: has 78.48 % from 123 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: baby, birthday, dirty, doctor, women
A woman and a baby were in the doctor's examining room, waiting for the doctor to come in. The doctor arrived, examined the baby, checked his weight and found it somewhat below normal. The doctor asked if the baby was breast fed or bottle fed. "Breast fed," the woman replied. "Well, strip down to your waist," the doctor asked. She did. He pressed, kneaded, rolled, cupped, and pinched both breasts in a detailed, rigorously thorough examination. Motioning for her to get dressed he said, "No wonder this baby is under weight! You don't have any milk." "I know," she said, "I'm his grandmother, but I'm glad I came."
Vote: has 78.09 % from 444 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: baby, doctor, food, women
A conversation among my Children's Church a while back. A little girl announced proudly to our class one day, "My mommy has a baby in her belly!" The little boy next to her was mortified! "Why did your mommy eat a baby!"
Vote: has 77.51 % from 17 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: baby, church, family, kids
Why can't Chinese couples have Caucasian babies? Because two Wongs don't make a white!
Vote: has 77.47 % from 223 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: baby, racist
Two old men in a retirement village were sitting in the reading room and one said to the other, ''How do you really feel? I mean, you're 75 years old, how do you honestly feel?'' ''Honestly, I feel like a new born baby. I've got no hair, no teeth, and I just peed myself.''
Vote: has 76.86 % from 114 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: age, baby, old people
Peter: My mom is having a new baby. Joy: What's wrong with the old one?
Vote: has 76.69 % from 133 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: baby, kids
Your mamas so skinny she swallowed a meatball n thought she was pregnant.
Vote: has 76.53 % from 166 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: baby, Yo mama
My wife is so negative. I remembered the car seat, the stroller, AND the diaper bag. Yet all she can talk about is how I forgot the baby.
Vote: has 76.27 % from 45 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: baby, car, kids, wife
Woman at a maternity hospital is in a lot of pain, moaning. The man strokes her back, "I'm so sorry sweetheart that you have to endure this..." "Don't worry Steve, it's not your fault."
Vote: has 75.62 % from 33 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: baby, couple, hospital, sex, women