The best baby jokes

Do you know why babys cry when they are born? Because they know they are entering the world with chuck Norris in it.
Vote: has 78.66 % from 135 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: baby, Chuck Norris
A conversation among my Children's Church a while back. A little girl announced proudly to our class one day, "My mommy has a baby in her belly!" The little boy next to her was mortified! "Why did your mommy eat a baby!"
Vote: has 78.53 % from 25 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: baby, church, family, kids
A woman and a baby were in the doctor's examining room, waiting for the doctor to come in. The doctor arrived, examined the baby, checked his weight and found it somewhat below normal. The doctor asked if the baby was breast fed or bottle fed. "Breast fed," the woman replied. "Well, strip down to your waist," the doctor asked. She did. He pressed, kneaded, rolled, cupped, and pinched both breasts in a detailed, rigorously thorough examination. Motioning for her to get dressed he said, "No wonder this baby is under weight! You don't have any milk." "I know," she said, "I'm his grandmother, but I'm glad I came."
Vote: has 78.37 % from 450 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: baby, doctor, food, women
Why can't Chinese couples have Caucasian babies? Because two Wongs don't make a white!
Vote: has 78.34 % from 329 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: baby, racist
What did the Asian parents name their retarded baby. Sum ting wong.
Vote: has 78.31 % from 764 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: baby, racist
Kid to her mother: "If you hurt me I'll make you pregnant by a needle." Mother: "How? My sweet it isn't possible." Kid: "I'll insert the needle to daddy's condom!"
Vote: has 77.74 % from 103 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: baby, kids, mean, sex, vulgar
Nurse: "If youre going to give grapes to a baby make sure you cut them in half." Me: [visibly confused] Wife: "The grapes, not the baby."
Vote: has 77.37 % from 53 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: baby, kids, wife
My girlfriend always wanted to know the future job of her baby; so the other day when we were making sex suddenly she farted. I told her: "Your baby will be a bugler."
Vote: has 76.90 % from 154 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: baby, fart, relationship, sex, work
A man speaks frantically into the phone, "My wife is pregnant, and her contractions are only two minutes apart!" "Is this her first child?" the doctor queries. "No, you idiot!" the man shouts. "This is her husband!"
Vote: has 76.80 % from 29 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: baby, doctor, husband, phone, stupid
Peter: My mom is having a new baby. Joy: What's wrong with the old one?
Vote: has 76.24 % from 140 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: baby, kids


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