The best baby jokes

A pregnant woman is about to give birth. The doctor has her on the delivery table, legs up in the stirrups. Suddenly, he sees the top of a head push through. Then the baby pops its head out and says to the doctor, “Are you my dad?”. The doctor says, “No, I am your doctor!”. With that, the baby pops right back inside. “Damn!”, says the doctor. A short while later he sees the head push through again. “Are you my dad?”, asks the baby. “No, I am your doctor.”, he replies. Once again the baby vanishes back into his mother’s womb. The doctor turns to a nurse and says, “Nurse, get that baby’s father in here right away–we may have a situation on our hands!”. Moments later the baby’s father is in the delivery room, and the baby’s head once again pops out. “Are you my dad?”, the baby asks of the father. The father replies, “Yes, little baby, I am your father!” The baby then reaches up and begins poking his father in the forehead with his index finger–”How do you like that?”
Vote: has 79.28 % from 111 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: baby, birthday, dirty, doctor, women
Your mamas so skinny she swallowed a meatball n thought she was pregnant.
Vote: has 78.69 % from 146 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: baby, Yo mama
A 64-year-old lady never had any kids, so she went to her doctor and asked if he would help her with in-vitro fertilization. He said, "You're a little old, but I guess we could give it a try." A few months later she got pregnant. She invited her girlfriends over to see the baby, and they all very anxious to see the baby boy. The newly mother said, "why don't we just talk awhile." As time went on, her friends asked again and again where is the baby... She said, "We never get a chance to talk, and here is our chance to catch up!" Finally they insisted on seeing him. She said, "Well, we'll just have to wait until he cries before you all can see him." The women were puzzled. And she said, "I don't remember where I put him."
Vote: has 78.59 % from 18 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: age, baby, doctor, memory, time
A woman and a baby were in the doctor's examining room, waiting for the doctor to come in. The doctor arrived, examined the baby, checked his weight and found it somewhat below normal. The doctor asked if the baby was breast fed or bottle fed. "Breast fed," the woman replied. "Well, strip down to your waist," the doctor asked. She did. He pressed, kneaded, rolled, cupped, and pinched both breasts in a detailed, rigorously thorough examination. Motioning for her to get dressed he said, "No wonder this baby is under weight! You don't have any milk." "I know," she said, "I'm his grandmother, but I'm glad I came."
Vote: has 78.18 % from 441 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: baby, doctor, food, women
Stonehenge was made by Chuck Norris stacking blocks as a baby.
Vote: has 78.03 % from 37 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: baby, Chuck Norris
Two old men in a retirement village were sitting in the reading room and one said to the other, ''How do you really feel? I mean, you're 75 years old, how do you honestly feel?'' ''Honestly, I feel like a new born baby. I've got no hair, no teeth, and I just peed myself.''
Vote: has 76.86 % from 114 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: age, baby, old people
Peter: My mom is having a new baby. Joy: What's wrong with the old one?
Vote: has 76.53 % from 132 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: baby, kids
Why can't Chinese couples have Caucasian babies? Because two Wongs don't make a white!
Vote: has 76.31 % from 207 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: baby, racist
My wife is so negative. I remembered the car seat, the stroller, AND the diaper bag. Yet all she can talk about is how I forgot the baby.
Vote: has 75.77 % from 44 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: baby, car, kids, wife
Jimmy's new baby brother was screaming up a storm. He asked his mom, "Where'd we get him?" His mother replied, "He came from heaven, Jimmy." Jimmy says, "Now! I can see why they threw him out!
Vote: has 75.34 % from 130 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: baby, heaven, kids