The best baby jokes

My wife is so negative. I remembered the car seat, the stroller, AND the diaper bag. Yet all she can talk about is how I forgot the baby.
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has 73.93 % from 55 votes. More jokes about: baby, car, kids, wife
A woman starts dating a doctor. Before too long, she becomes pregnant and they don't know what to do. About nine months later, just about the time she is going to give birth, a priest goes into the hospital for a prostate gland infection. The doctor says to the woman, "I know what we'll do. After I've operated on the priest, I'll give the baby to him and tell him it was a miracle." "Do you think it will work?" she asks. "It's worth a try." he says. So, the doctor delivers the baby and then operates on the priest. After the operation he goes in to the priest and says, "Father, you're not going to believe this.". "What?" asks the priest, "what happened?". "You gave birth to a child!". "But that's impossible!" says the priest. "I just did the operation," insists the doctor, "It's a miracle! Here's your baby." About fifteen years go by, and the priest realises he must tell his son the truth. One day, he sits the boy down and says, "Son, I have something to tell you. I'm not your father." The son says, "What do you mean, you're not my father?" The priest replies, "I am your mother, the archbishop is your father."
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has 73.41 % from 63 votes. More jokes about: baby, dating, doctor, kids, women
Your mamas so skinny she swallowed a meatball n thought she was pregnant.
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has 72.89 % from 249 votes. More jokes about: baby, Yo mama
A woman gets onto a bus with her baby. The bus driver says, "That's the ugliest baby that I've ever seen. Ugh!" The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her, "The driver just insulted me!" The man says, "There's no call for that. You go right up there and tell him off. Go ahead, I'll hold your monkey for you."
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has 72.78 % from 113 votes. More jokes about: animal, baby, kids, women
My girlfriend always wanted to know the future job of her baby; so the other day when we were making sex suddenly she farted. I told her: "Your baby will be a bugler."
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has 72.47 % from 173 votes. More jokes about: baby, fart, relationship, sex, work
In the supermarket was a man pushing a cart which contained a screaming, bellowing baby. The gentleman kept repeating softly, “Don’t get excited, Albert; don’t scream, Albert; don’t yell, Albert; keep calm, Albert.” A woman standing next to him said, “You certainly are to be commended for trying to soothe your son, Albert.” The man looked at her and said, “Lady, I’m Albert.”
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has 72.17 % from 98 votes. More jokes about: baby, kids
Kim and Kanye naming their baby North West is just like Brad Pitt naming his kid Arm.
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has 71.52 % from 23 votes. More jokes about: baby, celebrity, life, music
Q: What's the idea of a blonde of natural childbirth? A: No make-up.
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has 71.52 % from 23 votes. More jokes about: baby, beauty, birthday, blonde
After giving birth, I quit my job. The exit questionnaire asked, "What steps would have prevented you from leaving?" My answer: "Birth control."
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has 71.52 % from 23 votes. More jokes about: baby, birthday, medical, work
Why is making toast like an interracial couple having a baby? It's annoying when it comes out black.
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has 71.30 % from 185 votes. More jokes about: baby, black people, racist
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