My girlfriend always wanted to know the future job of her baby; so the other day when we were making sex suddenly she farted.
I told her: "Your baby will be a bugler."
A second grader came home from school and said to her mother, "Mom, guess what?
We learned how to make babies today."
The mother, more that a little surprised, tried to keep her cool.
"That's interesting," she said, "How do you make babies?"
"It's simple," replied the girl. "You just change 'y' to 'i' and add 'es'."
Do you know why babys cry when they are born?
Because they know they are entering the world with chuck Norris in it.
Vote:
Two girlfriends meet again after a few years.
One is pushing around a baby buggy.
The first girlfriend looks at the baby and is perplexed.
"Black skin? Blue slit eyes? A blonde afro? How did you do that?"
Murmurs the other woman.
"Damn gangbang! At least he doesn't bark!"
What do you call a baby potato?
A small fry.
A woman, after giving birth to six babies, upon seeing her husband gets up off the hospital bed, walks over to him shouting "I told you not to go doggy style!"
Nurse: "If youre going to give grapes to a baby make sure you cut them in half."
Me: [visibly confused]
Wife: "The grapes, not the baby."
In the supermarket was a man pushing a cart which contained a screaming, bellowing baby.
The gentleman kept repeating softly, “Don’t get excited, Albert; don’t scream, Albert; don’t yell, Albert; keep calm, Albert.”
A woman standing next to him said, “You certainly are to be commended for trying to soothe your son, Albert.”
The man looked at her and said, “Lady, I’m Albert.”
What do you name an Asian baby with problems?
Sum ting wong.
Kim and Kanye naming their baby North West is just like Brad Pitt naming his kid Arm.