The best baby jokes

In the supermarket was a man pushing a cart which contained a screaming, bellowing baby. The gentleman kept repeating softly, “Don’t get excited, Albert; don’t scream, Albert; don’t yell, Albert; keep calm, Albert.” A woman standing next to him said, “You certainly are to be commended for trying to soothe your son, Albert.” The man looked at her and said, “Lady, I’m Albert.”
Vote: has 72.62 % from 87 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: baby, kids
"Yes brother," says Paddy. "Well I'm going on a business trip soon and if she gives birth while I'm away, I want you dear brother, to name the kids," says Mick. "It'll be an honour to do that for you Mick," says Paddy. A month later Paddy calls Mick. "Hello Mick, your wife's given birth to a boy and a girl, their beautiful," says Paddy. "That's wonderful Paddy, what did you call them?" says Mick. "I called the girl Deniece," says Paddy. "And what did you call the boy?" "I called the boy De nephew."
Vote: has 72.27 % from 47 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: baby, business, family, kids
A woman gets onto a bus with her baby. The bus driver says, "That's the ugliest baby that I've ever seen. Ugh!" The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her, "The driver just insulted me!" The man says, "There's no call for that. You go right up there and tell him off. Go ahead, I'll hold your monkey for you."
Vote: has 71.87 % from 101 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, baby, kids, women
Q: What did the snowman and his wife put over their baby's crib? A: A snowmobile!
Vote: has 71.85 % from 13 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: baby, wife, winter
Kim and Kanye naming their baby North West is just like Brad Pitt naming his kid Arm.
Vote: has 71.43 % from 18 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: baby, celebrity, life, music
Our baby was born last week. When will my wife begin to feel and act normal again? When the kids are in college.
Vote: has 71.20 % from 134 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: baby, college, kids, marriage, wife
Q: How do Asians get their name? A: They throw a pan down the hall and listen to the noise. Example: Dong Ching Lau.
Vote: has 71.12 % from 118 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: asian, baby, racist
The reason newborn babies cry is because they know they have just entered a world with Chuck Norris.
Vote: has 70.01 % from 17 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: baby, Chuck Norris
Why is making toast like an interracial couple having a baby? It's annoying when it comes out black.
Vote: has 69.90 % from 94 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: baby, black people, racist
A logician's wife is having a baby. The doctor immediately hands the newborn to the dad. His wife asks impatiently: "So, is it a boy or a girl" ? The logician replies: "yes".
Vote: has 69.89 % from 63 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: baby, dad, doctor, math, wife