The best baby jokes

Q: What did the snowman and his wife put over their baby's crib? A: A snowmobile!
Vote: has 73.52 % from 14 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: baby, wife, winter
After the baby was baptized, her four-year-old brother was crying inconsolably in the back seat of the car. "What’s the matter Johnny?" asked his concerned mother. Johnny replied: "That man said that he hoped our baby would be raised in a good Christian home… I just want her to stay with you guys."
Vote: has 72.89 % from 105 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: baby, car, christian, little Johnny
A woman gets onto a bus with her baby. The bus driver says, "That's the ugliest baby that I've ever seen. Ugh!" The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her, "The driver just insulted me!" The man says, "There's no call for that. You go right up there and tell him off. Go ahead, I'll hold your monkey for you."
Vote: has 72.39 % from 103 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, baby, kids, women
A woman starts dating a doctor. Before too long, she becomes pregnant and they don't know what to do. About nine months later, just about the time she is going to give birth, a priest goes into the hospital for a prostate gland infection. The doctor says to the woman, "I know what we'll do. After I've operated on the priest, I'll give the baby to him and tell him it was a miracle." "Do you think it will work?" she asks. "It's worth a try." he says. So, the doctor delivers the baby and then operates on the priest. After the operation he goes in to the priest and says, "Father, you're not going to believe this.". "What?" asks the priest, "what happened?". "You gave birth to a child!". "But that's impossible!" says the priest. "I just did the operation," insists the doctor, "It's a miracle! Here's your baby." About fifteen years go by, and the priest realises he must tell his son the truth. One day, he sits the boy down and says, "Son, I have something to tell you. I'm not your father." The son says, "What do you mean, you're not my father?" The priest replies, "I am your mother, the archbishop is your father."
Vote: has 72.31 % from 38 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: baby, dating, doctor, kids, women
Woman at a maternity hospital is in a lot of pain, moaning. The man strokes her back, "I'm so sorry sweetheart that you have to endure this..." "Don't worry Steve, it's not your fault."
Vote: has 72.31 % from 38 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: baby, couple, hospital, sex, women
In the supermarket was a man pushing a cart which contained a screaming, bellowing baby. The gentleman kept repeating softly, “Don’t get excited, Albert; don’t scream, Albert; don’t yell, Albert; keep calm, Albert.” A woman standing next to him said, “You certainly are to be commended for trying to soothe your son, Albert.” The man looked at her and said, “Lady, I’m Albert.”
Vote: has 71.67 % from 88 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: baby, kids
A logician's wife is having a baby. The doctor immediately hands the newborn to the dad. His wife asks impatiently: "So, is it a boy or a girl" ? The logician replies: "yes".
Vote: has 71.56 % from 67 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: baby, dad, doctor, math, wife
Kim and Kanye naming their baby North West is just like Brad Pitt naming his kid Arm.
Vote: has 71.43 % from 18 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: baby, celebrity, life, music
Why is making toast like an interracial couple having a baby? It's annoying when it comes out black.
Vote: has 71.33 % from 103 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: baby, black people, racist
"Yes brother," says Paddy. "Well I'm going on a business trip soon and if she gives birth while I'm away, I want you dear brother, to name the kids," says Mick. "It'll be an honour to do that for you Mick," says Paddy. A month later Paddy calls Mick. "Hello Mick, your wife's given birth to a boy and a girl, their beautiful," says Paddy. "That's wonderful Paddy, what did you call them?" says Mick. "I called the girl Deniece," says Paddy. "And what did you call the boy?" "I called the boy De nephew."
Vote: has 71.00 % from 49 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: baby, business, family, kids