A woman gets onto a bus with her baby. The bus driver says, "That's the ugliest baby that I've ever seen. Ugh!" The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her, "The driver just insulted me!" The man says, "There's no call for that. You go right up there and tell him off. Go ahead, I'll hold your monkey for you."
Q: Do you know why women over fifty don't have babies? A: They would put them down somewhere and forget where they left them.
"Yes brother," says Paddy. "Well I'm going on a business trip soon and if she gives birth while I'm away, I want you dear brother, to name the kids," says Mick. "It'll be an honour to do that for you Mick," says Paddy. A month later Paddy calls Mick. "Hello Mick, your wife's given birth to a boy and a girl, their beautiful," says Paddy. "That's wonderful Paddy, what did you call them?" says Mick. "I called the girl Deniece," says Paddy. "And what did you call the boy?" "I called the boy De nephew."
Our baby was born last week. When will my wife begin to feel and act normal again? When the kids are in college.
Why is making toast like an interracial couple having a baby? It's annoying when it comes out black.
Kim and Kanye naming their baby North West is just like Brad Pitt naming his kid Arm.
The reason newborn babies cry is because they know they have just entered a world with Chuck Norris.
Q: What did the snowman and his wife put over their baby's crib? A: A snowmobile!
Q: How do Asians get their name? A: They throw a pan down the hall and listen to the noise. Example: Dong Ching Lau.
A logician's wife is having a baby. The doctor immediately hands the newborn to the dad. His wife asks impatiently: "So, is it a boy or a girl" ? The logician replies: "yes".