The best baby jokes

For three years, the young attorney had been taking his brief vacations at this country inn. The last time he'd finally managed an affair with the innkeeper's daughter. Looking forward to an exciting few days, he dragged his suitcase up the stairs of the inn, then stopped short. There sat his lover with an infant on her lap! "Helen, why didn't you write when you learned you were pregnant?" he cried. "I would have rushed up here, we could have gotten married, and the baby would have my name!" "Well," she said, "when my folks found out about my condition, we sat up all night talkin' and talkin' and decided it would be better to have a bastard in the family than a lawyer."
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has 73.41 % from 63 votes. More jokes about: baby, family, holiday, lawyer, marriage
A second grader came home from school and said to her mother, "Mom, guess what? We learned how to make babies today." The mother, more that a little surprised, tried to keep her cool. "That's interesting," she said, "How do you make babies?" "It's simple," replied the girl. "You just change 'y' to 'i' and add 'es'."
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has 73.29 % from 111 votes. More jokes about: baby, kids, school
My girlfriend always wanted to know the future job of her baby; so the other day when we were making sex suddenly she farted. I told her: "Your baby will be a bugler."
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has 73.18 % from 377 votes. More jokes about: baby, fart, relationship, sex, work
Do you know why babys cry when they are born? Because they know they are entering the world with chuck Norris in it.
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has 72.31 % from 188 votes. More jokes about: baby, Chuck Norris
What do you call a baby potato? A small fry.
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has 72.04 % from 33 votes. More jokes about: baby, food
On a cold day of January, I went to visit one of my friends in his house; it was snowing and my friend urged me to stay the night with him. They had only 2 rooms one for themselves and other for their baby; so I suggested to rest in baby' room. In middle of the night, I need WC which was in the garden and was so difficult for me to go there. I thought some moments then decided to change my place with the baby. I did so. And pissed in the place of baby; when I returned to change again I saw that the baby had shitted in my bed!
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has 71.61 % from 329 votes. More jokes about: baby, disgusting, friendship, winter
A woman, after giving birth to six babies, upon seeing her husband gets up off the hospital bed, walks over to him shouting "I told you not to go doggy style!"
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has 71.53 % from 50 votes. More jokes about: baby, dirty, life, marriage, sex
Nurse: "If youre going to give grapes to a baby make sure you cut them in half." Me: [visibly confused] Wife: "The grapes, not the baby."
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has 71.45 % from 75 votes. More jokes about: baby, kids, wife
In the supermarket was a man pushing a cart which contained a screaming, bellowing baby. The gentleman kept repeating softly, “Don’t get excited, Albert; don’t scream, Albert; don’t yell, Albert; keep calm, Albert.” A woman standing next to him said, “You certainly are to be commended for trying to soothe your son, Albert.” The man looked at her and said, “Lady, I’m Albert.”
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has 71.34 % from 111 votes. More jokes about: baby, kids
One day little Johnny asked his teacher "So you know how most stores have 'you break it you buy it' rule? The teacher responded "Yes why?" Johnny said "Well do you think if you were to be looking at babies to adopt and dropped one that the orphange would make you buy it?"
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has 71.09 % from 74 votes. More jokes about: baby, customer service, kids, little Johnny, teacher
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