The best baby jokes

A pregnant lady learns from her dentist that she needs a root canal. She says to the dentist, "darn ... I'd just as soon give birth as have a root canal". The dentist replies, "well, make up your mind so I know what position to put the chair in".
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has 57.40 % from 43 votes. More jokes about: baby, communication, dentist, medical, women
Q: Do you know why women over fifty don't have babies? A: They would put them down somewhere and forget where they left them.
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has 56.98 % from 23 votes. More jokes about: age, baby, memory, women
A lady tells the nurse at a maternity hospital, "I want to call my little baby Ellie." Nurse replies, "I'm sorry, but that name is already taken, perhaps you can consider naming her Ellie532 or Ellie_153?"
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has 56.92 % from 37 votes. More jokes about: baby, geek, hospital
Why didn't the husband change the baby for a week? Because the text on the nappies package said "18-40 lbs".
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has 56.77 % from 17 votes. More jokes about: baby, husband, men
Yo mama so ugly that when she delivered a little baby after birth the baby saw mum and screamed "It's a gorilla!".
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has 56.66 % from 66 votes. More jokes about: animal, baby, insulting, ugly, Yo mama
A woman gives birth to a baby, and afterwards, the doctor comes in and he says, "I have to tell you something about your baby." The woman sits up in bed and says, "What's wrong with my baby doctor? What's wrong?" The doctor says, "Well, now, nothing's wrong, exactly, but your baby is a little bit different. Your baby is a hermaphrodite." The woman is confused. "A hermaphrodite..... what's that?" The doctor replies, "Well, it means your baby has the.......er......features....of a male and a female." The woman turns pale. She says, "Oh MY GOD! you mean it has a penis..... AND a brain.
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has 56.27 % from 727 votes. More jokes about: baby, sex, women
Willy: "Mom, are our neighbors very poor people? Mother: "I don't think so, Willy. Why do you ask?" Willy: "Because they made such a fuss when their baby swallowed a coin."
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has 56.05 % from 28 votes. More jokes about: baby, kids, money
Yo mama is so ugly that she could be the poster child for birth control.
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has 56.05 % from 28 votes. More jokes about: baby, birthday, insulting, ugly, Yo mama
Stonehenge was made by Chuck Norris stacking blocks as a baby.
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has 55.72 % from 67 votes. More jokes about: baby, Chuck Norris
A couple went to have their baby delivered... Upon arrival, the doctor said there is this new technology that would transfer a portion of the mother's labor pain to the baby's father, via a machine. He asked if they were willing to try it out. They were both very much in favor of it. The doctor set the pain transfer ratio to 10% for starters, explaining that even 10% was probably more pain than the father had ever experienced before. However as the labor progressed, the husband felt fine and asked the doctor to go ahead and kick it up a notch. The doctor then adjusted the machine to 20% pain transfer. The husband was still feeling fine. The doctor checked the husband over and was amazed at how well he was doing. At this point, they decided to try for 50%. The husband continued to feel quite well. Since the pain transfer was obviously helping out the wife considerably, the husband encouraged the doctor to transfer ALL the pain to him..... The wife delivered a healthy baby with virtually no pain. She and her husband both were ecstatic... When they reached home...The cook was lying dead in the kitchen!
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has 55.55 % from 119 votes. More jokes about: baby, couple, doctor, marriage