The best baby jokes

A lady tells the nurse at a maternity hospital, "I want to call my little baby Ellie." Nurse replies, "I'm sorry, but that name is already taken, perhaps you can consider naming her Ellie532 or Ellie_153?"
Vote: has 61.01 % from 29 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: baby, geek, hospital
Q: What does a baby computer call its dad? A: Data
Vote: has 60.15 % from 22 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: baby, computer, dad, IT
Who held the baby octopus to ransom? Squidnappers.
Vote: has 59.19 % from 15 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: animal, baby
Wife: "Every sunday you go for fishing, right?" Husband: "Yeah... Why?" Wife: "Today the fish came here and told she's pregnant."
Vote: has 57.27 % from 51 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: baby, fish, marriage, wife
What is funnier than a zombie baby hanging from a ceiling fan? Hitting it with a shovel when it comes around.
Vote: has 56.98 % from 23 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: baby, disgusting
Little known medical fact: Chuck Norris invented the Caesarean section when he roundhouse-kicked his way out of his monther's womb.
Vote: has 56.84 % from 20 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: baby, birthday, Chuck Norris, doctor
A woman gives birth to a baby, and afterwards, the doctor comes in and he says, "I have to tell you something about your baby." The woman sits up in bed and says, "What's wrong with my baby doctor? What's wrong?" The doctor says, "Well, now, nothing's wrong, exactly, but your baby is a little bit different. Your baby is a hermaphrodite." The woman is confused. "A hermaphrodite..... what's that?" The doctor replies, "Well, it means your baby has the.......er......features....of a male and a female." The woman turns pale. She says, "Oh MY GOD! you mean it has a penis..... AND a brain.
Vote: has 55.84 % from 715 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: baby, sex, women
There is three kids sitting at the lunch table one day. One kid ask what do you call a mixed baby? One replies a zebra,another replies a mistake and the third one replies. Rape
Vote: has 55.71 % from 49 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: animal, baby, kids, racist
Willy: "Mom, are our neighbors very poor people? Mother: "I don't think so, Willy. Why do you ask?" Willy: "Because they made such a fuss when their baby swallowed a coin."
Vote: has 55.34 % from 22 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: baby, kids, money
There once was a baby elephant and a baby turtle drinking from a river deep in the jungle. For no reason, the turtle reaches over and bites the elephant's tail, really hard. Years and years later, the same elephant, now grown up, is by the same river, having a drink with his giraffe buddy, when the same turtle that bit him on the tail all those years ago wanders up to the river. The elephant rears back a leg and kicks the turtle as hard as he can, sending him flying way off into the jungle. "Why did you do that?" the giraffe asks. "When we both were babies, that turtle bit my tail for no reason," the elephant replied. "Wow! You must have a good memory!" exclaimed the giraffe. "Yep!" said the elephant. "I've got Turtle-Recall."
Vote: has 54.97 % from 19 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: animal, baby, elephant, time