The best baby jokes

Me: "Here comes the airplane!" Baby: Opens mouth. Me: "OH NO! It's the Taliban!" Hits baby in the forehead with the spoon. "KA-BOOM"
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has 61.92 % from 76 votes. More jokes about: airplane, baby, black humor
Who held the baby octopus to ransom? Squidnappers.
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has 61.28 % from 16 votes. More jokes about: animal, baby
Q: Do you know why women over fifty don't have babies? A: They would put them down somewhere and forget where they left them.
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has 61.28 % from 16 votes. More jokes about: age, baby, memory, women
A lady tells the nurse at a maternity hospital, "I want to call my little baby Ellie." Nurse replies, "I'm sorry, but that name is already taken, perhaps you can consider naming her Ellie532 or Ellie_153?"
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has 58.58 % from 30 votes. More jokes about: baby, geek, hospital
What is funnier than a zombie baby hanging from a ceiling fan? Hitting it with a shovel when it comes around.
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has 56.98 % from 23 votes. More jokes about: baby, disgusting
When Chuck Norris was a baby he didnt have teddy bears. He had real bears.
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has 56.86 % from 14 votes. More jokes about: animal, baby, Chuck Norris
Little known medical fact: Chuck Norris invented the Caesarean section when he roundhouse-kicked his way out of his monther's womb.
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has 56.84 % from 20 votes. More jokes about: baby, birthday, Chuck Norris, doctor
Wife: "Every sunday you go for fishing, right?" Husband: "Yeah... Why?" Wife: "Today the fish came here and told she's pregnant."
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has 56.76 % from 53 votes. More jokes about: baby, fish, marriage, wife
A woman gives birth to a baby, and afterwards, the doctor comes in and he says, "I have to tell you something about your baby." The woman sits up in bed and says, "What's wrong with my baby doctor? What's wrong?" The doctor says, "Well, now, nothing's wrong, exactly, but your baby is a little bit different. Your baby is a hermaphrodite." The woman is confused. "A hermaphrodite..... what's that?" The doctor replies, "Well, it means your baby has the.......er......features....of a male and a female." The woman turns pale. She says, "Oh MY GOD! you mean it has a penis..... AND a brain.
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has 55.84 % from 715 votes. More jokes about: baby, sex, women
Willy: "Mom, are our neighbors very poor people? Mother: "I don't think so, Willy. Why do you ask?" Willy: "Because they made such a fuss when their baby swallowed a coin."
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has 55.34 % from 22 votes. More jokes about: baby, kids, money