The best baby jokes

A pregnant lady learns from her dentist that she needs a root canal. She says to the dentist, "darn ... I'd just as soon give birth as have a root canal". The dentist replies, "well, make up your mind so I know what position to put the chair in".
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has 58.98 % from 42 votes. More jokes about: baby, communication, dentist, medical, women
Yo mama so ugly that when she delivered a little baby after birth the baby saw mum and screamed "It's a gorilla!".
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has 57.64 % from 65 votes. More jokes about: animal, baby, insulting, ugly, Yo mama
Q: Do you know why women over fifty don't have babies? A: They would put them down somewhere and forget where they left them.
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has 56.98 % from 23 votes. More jokes about: age, baby, memory, women
Who held the baby octopus to ransom? Squidnappers.
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has 56.84 % from 20 votes. More jokes about: animal, baby
Why didn't the husband change the baby for a week? Because the text on the nappies package said "18-40 lbs".
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has 56.77 % from 17 votes. More jokes about: baby, husband, men
Stonehenge was made by Chuck Norris stacking blocks as a baby.
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has 56.66 % from 66 votes. More jokes about: baby, Chuck Norris
A woman gives birth to a baby, and afterwards, the doctor comes in and he says, "I have to tell you something about your baby." The woman sits up in bed and says, "What's wrong with my baby doctor? What's wrong?" The doctor says, "Well, now, nothing's wrong, exactly, but your baby is a little bit different. Your baby is a hermaphrodite." The woman is confused. "A hermaphrodite..... what's that?" The doctor replies, "Well, it means your baby has the.......er......features....of a male and a female." The woman turns pale. She says, "Oh MY GOD! you mean it has a penis..... AND a brain.
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has 56.23 % from 724 votes. More jokes about: baby, sex, women
Willy: "Mom, are our neighbors very poor people? Mother: "I don't think so, Willy. Why do you ask?" Willy: "Because they made such a fuss when their baby swallowed a coin."
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has 56.05 % from 28 votes. More jokes about: baby, kids, money
A couple went to have their baby delivered... Upon arrival, the doctor said there is this new technology that would transfer a portion of the mother's labor pain to the baby's father, via a machine. He asked if they were willing to try it out. They were both very much in favor of it. The doctor set the pain transfer ratio to 10% for starters, explaining that even 10% was probably more pain than the father had ever experienced before. However as the labor progressed, the husband felt fine and asked the doctor to go ahead and kick it up a notch. The doctor then adjusted the machine to 20% pain transfer. The husband was still feeling fine. The doctor checked the husband over and was amazed at how well he was doing. At this point, they decided to try for 50%. The husband continued to feel quite well. Since the pain transfer was obviously helping out the wife considerably, the husband encouraged the doctor to transfer ALL the pain to him..... The wife delivered a healthy baby with virtually no pain. She and her husband both were ecstatic... When they reached home...The cook was lying dead in the kitchen!
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has 55.55 % from 119 votes. More jokes about: baby, couple, doctor, marriage
A 65 year old blonde has a baby. All her relatives come to visit and meet the newest member of their family. When they ask to see the baby, the 65 year old mother says “not yet.” A little later they ask to see the baby again. Again the mother says “not yet.” Finally they say, “When can we see the baby?” And the mother says, “When the baby cries.” And they ask, “Why do we have to wait until the baby cries?” The new mother says, “because I forgot where I put it.”
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has 55.34 % from 22 votes. More jokes about: age, baby, old people