The best baby jokes

Mary held her little daughter, twenty minutes under water. Not to care for any troubles, just to look at those funny bubbles.
Vote:
has 47.72 % from 34 votes. More jokes about: baby, death, morbid, poems
Q: What did the baby owl's parents say when he wanted to go to a party? A: "You're not owld enough."
Vote:
has 47.62 % from 25 votes. More jokes about: age, baby, bird, communication, party
How do you fit 500 babies into a phone booth? With a blender. How do you get them out? Nachos - make a dipping and snacking motion.
Vote:
has 47.48 % from 49 votes. More jokes about: baby, black humor, phone
A mother and baby camel are talking one day when the baby camel asks, "Mom why have I got these huge three-toed feet?" The mother replies, "Well son, when we trek across the desert your toes will help you to stay on top of the soft sand." "Okay," said the son. A few minutes later the son asks, "Mom, why have I got these great long eyelashes?" "They are there to keep the sand out of your eyes on the trips through the desert," "Thanks Mom," replies the son. After a short while, the son returns and asks, "Mom, why have I got these great big humps on my back?" The mother, now a little impatient with the boy replies, "They are there to help us store fat for our long treks across the desert, so we can go without water for long periods." "That's great mom, so we have huge feet to stop us sinking, and long eyelashes to keep the sand from our eyes and these humps to store water, but Mom ..." "Yes son?" "What good does all that do us here in the San Diego Zoo?"
Vote:
has 46.20 % from 22 votes. More jokes about: animal, baby
What did the blonde say to her doctor when he told her she was pregnant? "Is it mine?"
Vote:
has 46.10 % from 8 votes. More jokes about: baby, blonde, doctor
Q: What's red, white, and cries a lot? A: A baby with a razor!
Vote:
has 46.02 % from 37 votes. More jokes about: baby, black humor, morbid
The best thing about trying to name a baby is realizing how many people you hate.
Vote:
has 46.02 % from 37 votes. More jokes about: baby, life
Little Johnny's teacher asks him, "If I have 5 cookies, and I give you 2, how many cookies do I have left?" Little Johnny replies, "Zero, you're giving me more than just 3 cookies. I'm taking all 5 baby!" The teacher just facepalms herself. "I can strongly suggest that you work on your math skills Johnny." the teacher suggests. "Oh I know math, one man plus one girl, subtract a condom, equals a baby!" Little Johnny says.
Vote:
has 46.02 % from 37 votes. More jokes about: baby, dirty, little Johnny, math, teacher
Little girl: "Why does your son say, 'Cluck, cluck, cluck?'" Mother: "Because he thinks he's a chicken." Little girl: "Why don't you tell him he's not a chicken?" Mother: "Because we need the eggs."
Vote:
has 45.89 % from 39 votes. More jokes about: animal, baby, family, food, kids
Q: How do you know if a girl is pregnant? A: Shove a tampon and see if all of the cotton is picked.
Vote:
has 45.82 % from 24 votes. More jokes about: baby, black humor, women
<<<12131415
More jokes →
Page 12 of 17.