The best baby jokes

Woman delivers baby. Doctor takes the baby, and throws it, smashing around the hospital room, drop-kicking it, etc. Mother starts freaking out, being held back by nurses, begging "WHY!?" Doctor holds baby upside down by the ankle and says "I'm just fucking with you, it was born dead".
has 46.99 % from 86 votes. More jokes about: baby, black humor, death, doctor, hospital
Little Johnny's teacher asks him, "If I have 5 cookies, and I give you 2, how many cookies do I have left?" Little Johnny replies, "Zero, you're giving me more than just 3 cookies. I'm taking all 5 baby!" The teacher just facepalms herself. "I can strongly suggest that you work on your math skills Johnny." the teacher suggests. "Oh I know math, one man plus one girl, subtract a condom, equals a baby!" Little Johnny says.
has 46.90 % from 42 votes. More jokes about: baby, dirty, little Johnny, math, teacher
There is three kids sitting at the lunch table one day. One kid ask what do you call a mixed baby? One replies a zebra,another replies a mistake and the third one replies. Rape
has 46.77 % from 65 votes. More jokes about: animal, baby, kids, racist
What did the blonde say to her doctor when he told her she was pregnant? "Is it mine?"
has 46.10 % from 8 votes. More jokes about: baby, blonde, doctor
The best thing about trying to name a baby is realizing how many people you hate.
has 46.02 % from 37 votes. More jokes about: baby, life
Little girl: "Why does your son say, 'Cluck, cluck, cluck?'" Mother: "Because he thinks he's a chicken." Little girl: "Why don't you tell him he's not a chicken?" Mother: "Because we need the eggs."
has 45.89 % from 39 votes. More jokes about: animal, baby, family, food, kids
How do you fit 500 babies into a phone booth? With a blender. How do you get them out? Nachos - make a dipping and snacking motion.
has 45.39 % from 53 votes. More jokes about: baby, black humor, phone
I just checked my schedule and I can have you pregnant by Christmas.
has 45.10 % from 30 votes. More jokes about: baby, Christmas, flirt, sex
I got home to see my two months pregnant wife crouched in the bathroom crying. Her red, smudged eyes looked at me as she told me she'd lost the baby. I told the silly thing not to be so upset, I could clearly see it in the toilet.
has 44.95 % from 32 votes. More jokes about: baby, disgusting, wife
When Chuck Norris was a baby, he sucked on a pacifier and made it cry.
has 44.74 % from 36 votes. More jokes about: baby, Chuck Norris
More jokes →
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