The best baby jokes

The best thing about trying to name a baby is realizing how many people you hate.
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has 46.02 % from 37 votes. More jokes about: baby, life
Johnny comes home from school and asks his mom what is a "period". His mom says that "A period is when a woman needs to realease her dead egg cells". Johnny asks what color is it. She says it's red. Johnny said "I have one of those but mine is white and it makes babies."
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has 45.89 % from 76 votes. More jokes about: baby, dirty, little Johnny, school, women
Little girl: "Why does your son say, 'Cluck, cluck, cluck?'" Mother: "Because he thinks he's a chicken." Little girl: "Why don't you tell him he's not a chicken?" Mother: "Because we need the eggs."
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has 45.89 % from 39 votes. More jokes about: animal, baby, family, food, kids
Q: What did the baby owl's parents say when he wanted to go to a party? A: "You're not owld enough."
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has 45.52 % from 26 votes. More jokes about: age, baby, bird, communication, party
When Chuck Norris was a baby, he sucked on a pacifier and made it cry.
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has 44.74 % from 36 votes. More jokes about: baby, Chuck Norris
A baby polar bear goes up to his dad and asks, "Dad, am I pure polar bear?" The dad replies, "Sure you are son. Im all polar bear, my parents are all polar bear, your mom is all polar bear, and her parents are all polar bear." Still unsure the baby polar bear goes to his mom and asks, "Mom, am I pure polar bear?" She answers, "Of course you are honey. Im all polar bear, your father is all polar bear, my parents are all polar bear, and his parents are all polar bear." Still not convinced the baby polar bear goes to his grandparents and asks, "Grandmom...Grandpop...am I all polar bear?" His grandmother answers, "Of course you are sweetie. Were all polar bear, your mother is all polar bear, your father is all polar bear, and his parents are all polar bear. Why do you ask sweetie?" The baby polar bears replies, "Because I m feeling **** cold and freezing!"
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has 44.47 % from 54 votes. More jokes about: animal, baby
Woman delivers baby. Doctor takes the baby, and throws it, smashing around the hospital room, drop-kicking it, etc. Mother starts freaking out, being held back by nurses, begging "WHY!?" Doctor holds baby upside down by the ankle and says "I'm just fucking with you, it was born dead".
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has 44.21 % from 91 votes. More jokes about: baby, black humor, death, doctor, hospital
A blonde is walking down the street with her blouse open and her right breast hanging out. A policeman approaches her and says, "Ma'am, are you aware that I could cite you for indecent exposure?" "Why" asks the Blond "Because your breast is hanging out." She looks down and says, "OH MY GOD, I left the baby on the bus again!"
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has 43.90 % from 23 votes. More jokes about: baby, blonde, cop
Let's not mess with nature. We are here to make babies. So, let's get to it.
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has 43.52 % from 29 votes. More jokes about: baby, dirty, flirt, sex
I got home to see my two months pregnant wife crouched in the bathroom crying. Her red, smudged eyes looked at me as she told me she'd lost the baby. I told the silly thing not to be so upset, I could clearly see it in the toilet.
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has 43.43 % from 33 votes. More jokes about: baby, disgusting, wife
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