The best baby jokes

Why is it dangerous to tell the husband to go and change the son? Two hours later he comes back with a baby girl.
Vote: has 48.02 % from 11 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: baby, husband, men
Q: How do you get a zombie baby into a bowl? A: A blender. Q: How do you get them out? A: Doritos.
Vote: has 47.37 % from 18 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: baby, disgusting
Johnny comes home from school and asks his mom what is a "period". His mom says that "A period is when a woman needs to realease her dead egg cells". Johnny asks what color is it. She says it's red. Johnny said "I have one of those but mine is white and it makes babies."
Vote: has 46.90 % from 42 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: baby, dirty, little Johnny, school, women
How do you make a baby drink? Stick it in the blender.
Vote: has 45.82 % from 24 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: baby, black humor
Q: What's brown and taps on the window? A: A baby in a microwave!
Vote: has 45.58 % from 15 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: baby, disgusting
The best thing about trying to name a baby is realizing how many people you hate.
Vote: has 44.84 % from 34 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: baby, life
What's red and sits in a corner? A baby playing with a razor blade.
Vote: has 44.13 % from 21 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: baby, disgusting
Little girl: "Why does your son say, 'Cluck, cluck, cluck?'" Mother: "Because he thinks he's a chicken." Little girl: "Why don't you tell him he's not a chicken?" Mother: "Because we need the eggs."
Vote: has 43.43 % from 33 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, baby, family, food, kids
A mother and baby camel are talking one day when the baby camel asks, "Mom why have I got these huge three-toed feet?" The mother replies, "Well son, when we trek across the desert your toes will help you to stay on top of the soft sand." "Okay," said the son. A few minutes later the son asks, "Mom, why have I got these great long eyelashes?" "They are there to keep the sand out of your eyes on the trips through the desert," "Thanks Mom," replies the son. After a short while, the son returns and asks, "Mom, why have I got these great big humps on my back?" The mother, now a little impatient with the boy replies, "They are there to help us store fat for our long treks across the desert, so we can go without water for long periods." "That's great mom, so we have huge feet to stop us sinking, and long eyelashes to keep the sand from our eyes and these humps to store water, but Mom ..." "Yes son?" "What good does all that do us here in the San Diego Zoo?"
Vote: has 42.25 % from 16 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, baby
A blonde is walking down the street with her blouse open and her right breast hanging out. A policeman approaches her and says, "Ma'am, are you aware that I could cite you for indecent exposure?" "Why" asks the Blond "Because your breast is hanging out." She looks down and says, "OH MY GOD, I left the baby on the bus again!"
Vote: has 42.03 % from 18 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: baby, blonde, cop