Why is it dangerous to tell the husband to go and change the son?
Two hours later he comes back with a baby girl. 
Q: How do you know if a girl is pregnant?
A: Shove a tampon and see if all of the cotton is picked.
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Q: What's brown and taps on the window?
A: A baby in a microwave!
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Why did the zombie baby cross the road?
He was stapled to the chicken.
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Johnny comes home from school and asks his mom what is a "period".
His mom says that "A period is when a woman needs to realease her dead egg cells".
Johnny asks what color is it.
She says it's red.
Johnny said "I have one of those but mine is white and it makes babies."
I got home to see my two months pregnant wife crouched in the bathroom crying.
Her red, smudged eyes looked at me as she told me she'd lost the baby.
I told the silly thing not to be so upset, I could clearly see it in the toilet.
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The best thing about trying to name a baby is realizing how many people you hate.
Your momma's pussy is so hairy, when your brother was born he died of rugburn.
Q: How do you get a zombie baby into a bowl?
A: A blender.
Q: How do you get them out?
A: Doritos.
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What's red and sits in a corner?
A baby playing with a razor blade.
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