The best baby jokes

Johnny comes home from school and asks his mom what is a "period". His mom says that "A period is when a woman needs to realease her dead egg cells". Johnny asks what color is it. She says it's red. Johnny said "I have one of those but mine is white and it makes babies."
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has 47.05 % from 57 votes. More jokes about: baby, dirty, little Johnny, school, women
Little Johnny's teacher asks him, "If I have 5 cookies, and I give you 2, how many cookies do I have left?" Little Johnny replies, "Zero, you're giving me more than just 3 cookies. I'm taking all 5 baby!" The teacher just facepalms herself. "I can strongly suggest that you work on your math skills Johnny." the teacher suggests. "Oh I know math, one man plus one girl, subtract a condom, equals a baby!" Little Johnny says.
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has 46.60 % from 31 votes. More jokes about: baby, dirty, little Johnny, math, teacher
Why is it dangerous to tell the husband to go and change the son? Two hours later he comes back with a baby girl.
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has 46.54 % from 13 votes. More jokes about: baby, husband, men
Q: How do you know if a girl is pregnant? A: Shove a tampon and see if all of the cotton is picked.
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has 46.20 % from 22 votes. More jokes about: baby, black humor, women
Q: What's brown and taps on the window? A: A baby in a microwave!
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has 45.58 % from 15 votes. More jokes about: baby, disgusting
I just checked my schedule and I can have you pregnant by Christmas.
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has 45.52 % from 26 votes. More jokes about: baby, Christmas, flirt, sex
I got home to see my two months pregnant wife crouched in the bathroom crying. Her red, smudged eyes looked at me as she told me she'd lost the baby. I told the silly thing not to be so upset, I could clearly see it in the toilet.
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has 45.29 % from 28 votes. More jokes about: baby, disgusting, wife
A mother and baby camel are talking one day when the baby camel asks, "Mom why have I got these huge three-toed feet?" The mother replies, "Well son, when we trek across the desert your toes will help you to stay on top of the soft sand." "Okay," said the son. A few minutes later the son asks, "Mom, why have I got these great long eyelashes?" "They are there to keep the sand out of your eyes on the trips through the desert," "Thanks Mom," replies the son. After a short while, the son returns and asks, "Mom, why have I got these great big humps on my back?" The mother, now a little impatient with the boy replies, "They are there to help us store fat for our long treks across the desert, so we can go without water for long periods." "That's great mom, so we have huge feet to stop us sinking, and long eyelashes to keep the sand from our eyes and these humps to store water, but Mom ..." "Yes son?" "What good does all that do us here in the San Diego Zoo?"
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has 44.92 % from 17 votes. More jokes about: animal, baby
Why did the zombie baby cross the road? He was stapled to the chicken.
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has 44.92 % from 17 votes. More jokes about: animal, baby, disgusting
The best thing about trying to name a baby is realizing how many people you hate.
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has 44.74 % from 36 votes. More jokes about: baby, life
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