The best baby jokes

Q: What do pregnant teenagers and their unborn babies have in common? A: Both their moms are going to kill them!
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has 63.93 % from 55 votes. More jokes about: baby, black humor, death, morbid, teen
Whats the difference in a seagull and a babys diaper? A seagull flits across the shore and a baby shits across the floor.
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has 63.75 % from 21 votes. More jokes about: animal, baby
Q: What did the blonde do when she found out she was pregnant with triplets? A: She went looking for the three guys.
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has 63.26 % from 41 votes. More jokes about: baby, blonde, sex, stupid
Q: Do you know why women over fifty don't have babies? A: They would put them down somewhere and forget where they left them.
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has 63.17 % from 17 votes. More jokes about: age, baby, memory, women
Yo mama is so ugly that she could be the poster child for birth control.
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has 63.00 % from 24 votes. More jokes about: baby, birthday, insulting, ugly, Yo mama
Q: How do Asians get their name? A: They throw a pan down the hall and listen to the noise. Example: Dong Ching Lau.
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has 62.72 % from 199 votes. More jokes about: asian, baby, racist
One afternoon I was walking on a trail with my baby daughter, chatting to her about the scenery. When a man and his dog approached, I leaned down to the carriage and said, “See the doggy?” Suddenly I felt foolish talking to my baby as if she understood me. However, just as the man passed, he reached down, patted his dog, and said, “See the baby?”
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has 62.22 % from 20 votes. More jokes about: animal, baby, dog
Who held the baby octopus to ransom? Squidnappers.
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has 61.28 % from 16 votes. More jokes about: animal, baby
A Black man bought a round of drinks for everyone in the bar, announcing that his wife had just given birth to "a typical black baby boy weighing 20 pounds." Congratulations showered him from all around, and many exclamations of "Wow!" were heard. A woman fainted due to sympathy pains. Two weeks later, he returned to the bar. The bartender said, "Say, you're the proud father of an amazing black baby who weighed 20 pounds at birth. How much does he weigh now?" The proud father answered, "Fifteen pounds." The bartender was puzzled. "Why? What happened? He weighed 20 pounds at birth?" The father drank the bottle of whisky at one go, wiped his lips on his shirtsleeve, leaned into the bartender and said, "Had him circumcised."
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has 61.11 % from 493 votes. More jokes about: baby, bar, bartender, black people, wife
Me: "Here comes the airplane!" Baby: Opens mouth. Me: "OH NO! It's the Taliban!" Hits baby in the forehead with the spoon. "KA-BOOM"
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has 60.60 % from 79 votes. More jokes about: airplane, baby, black humor