The best baby jokes

Two gay men decide to have a baby. They mix their sperm and have a surrogate mother artificially inseminated. When the baby is born, they rush to the hospital. Two dozen babies are in the ward, 23 of which are crying and screaming. One, over in the corner, is smiling serenely. A nurse comes by, and to the men's delight, she points out the happy child as theirs. ''Isn't it wonderful?'' Brad exclaims. ''All these unhappy children, and ours is so happy.'' ''He's happy now," says the nurse. "But just wait until we take the pacifier out of his ass.''
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has 64.23 % from 262 votes. More jokes about: baby, gay
Whats the difference in a seagull and a babys diaper? A seagull flits across the shore and a baby shits across the floor.
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has 63.75 % from 21 votes. More jokes about: animal, baby
Q: What did the blonde do when she found out she was pregnant with triplets? A: She went looking for the three guys.
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has 63.26 % from 41 votes. More jokes about: baby, blonde, sex, stupid
Q: How do Asians get their name? A: They throw a pan down the hall and listen to the noise. Example: Dong Ching Lau.
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has 63.09 % from 204 votes. More jokes about: asian, baby, racist
When Chuck Norris was a baby, he sucked on a pacifier and made it cry.
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has 63.00 % from 24 votes. More jokes about: baby, Chuck Norris
Yo mama is so ugly that she could be the poster child for birth control.
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has 63.00 % from 24 votes. More jokes about: baby, birthday, insulting, ugly, Yo mama
One afternoon I was walking on a trail with my baby daughter, chatting to her about the scenery. When a man and his dog approached, I leaned down to the carriage and said, “See the doggy?” Suddenly I felt foolish talking to my baby as if she understood me. However, just as the man passed, he reached down, patted his dog, and said, “See the baby?”
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has 62.22 % from 20 votes. More jokes about: animal, baby, dog
The reason newborn babies cry is because they know they have just entered a world with Chuck Norris.
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has 62.22 % from 20 votes. More jokes about: baby, Chuck Norris
A man is visiting a foreign country but does not speak the language that they speak there. He decides to go to a church service, but the priest is speaking the native language, so the American man just does whatever the man in front of him does. When the man in front of him stands, so does the American man. When the man in front of him sits, so does the American man. At one point, the priest says something, and the man in front of him stood. So the American man stood too. Everyone in the church gasped, so the American man hurriedly sat back down. Later, the American man figured out that the priest was congratulating a birth. When he had asked who was the father, and both men stood up, it had caused some confusion!
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has 61.50 % from 42 votes. More jokes about: baby, church, communication, dad, ethnic
Who held the baby octopus to ransom? Squidnappers.
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has 61.28 % from 16 votes. More jokes about: animal, baby