The best baby jokes

Yo mama is so ugly that she could be the poster child for birth control.
Vote: has 65.16 % from 22 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: baby, birthday, insulting, ugly, Yo mama
One afternoon I was walking on a trail with my baby daughter, chatting to her about the scenery. When a man and his dog approached, I leaned down to the carriage and said, “See the doggy?” Suddenly I felt foolish talking to my baby as if she understood me. However, just as the man passed, he reached down, patted his dog, and said, “See the baby?”
Vote: has 64.88 % from 18 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: animal, baby, dog
Two gay men decide to have a baby. They mix their sperm and have a surrogate mother artificially inseminated. When the baby is born, they rush to the hospital. Two dozen babies are in the ward, 23 of which are crying and screaming. One, over in the corner, is smiling serenely. A nurse comes by, and to the men's delight, she points out the happy child as theirs. ''Isn't it wonderful?'' Brad exclaims. ''All these unhappy children, and ours is so happy.'' ''He's happy now," says the nurse. "But just wait until we take the pacifier out of his ass.''
Vote: has 63.82 % from 256 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: baby, gay
Whats the difference in a seagull and a babys diaper? A seagull flits across the shore and a baby shits across the floor.
Vote: has 63.75 % from 21 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: animal, baby
Me: "Here comes the airplane!" Baby: Opens mouth. Me: "OH NO! It's the Taliban!" Hits baby in the forehead with the spoon. "KA-BOOM"
Vote: has 63.35 % from 73 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: airplane, baby, black humor
Yo mama so ugly that when she delivered a little baby after birth the baby saw mum and screamed "It's a gorilla!".
Vote: has 63.21 % from 57 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: animal, baby, insulting, ugly, Yo mama
Let's not mess with nature. We are here to make babies. So, let's get to it.
Vote: has 63.17 % from 17 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: baby, dirty, flirt, sex
A Black man bought a round of drinks for everyone in the bar, announcing that his wife had just given birth to "a typical black baby boy weighing 20 pounds." Congratulations showered him from all around, and many exclamations of "Wow!" were heard. A woman fainted due to sympathy pains. Two weeks later, he returned to the bar. The bartender said, "Say, you're the proud father of an amazing black baby who weighed 20 pounds at birth. How much does he weigh now?" The proud father answered, "Fifteen pounds." The bartender was puzzled. "Why? What happened? He weighed 20 pounds at birth?" The father drank the bottle of whisky at one go, wiped his lips on his shirtsleeve, leaned into the bartender and said, "Had him circumcised."
Vote: has 62.49 % from 481 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: baby, bar, bartender, black people, wife
Q: Do you know why women over fifty don't have babies? A: They would put them down somewhere and forget where they left them.
Vote: has 61.28 % from 16 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: age, baby, memory, women
A lady tells the nurse at a maternity hospital, "I want to call my little baby Ellie." Nurse replies, "I'm sorry, but that name is already taken, perhaps you can consider naming her Ellie532 or Ellie_153?"
Vote: has 61.01 % from 29 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: baby, geek, hospital