Two gay men decide to have a baby. They mix their sperm and have a surrogate mother artificially inseminated. When the baby is born, they rush to the hospital. Two dozen babies are in the ward, 23 of which are crying and screaming. One, over in the corner, is smiling serenely. A nurse comes by, and to the men's delight, she points out the happy child as theirs. ''Isn't it wonderful?'' Brad exclaims. ''All these unhappy children, and ours is so happy.'' ''He's happy now," says the nurse. "But just wait until we take the pacifier out of his ass.''
Whats the difference in a seagull and a babys diaper? A seagull flits across the shore and a baby shits across the floor.
Q: What did the blonde do when she found out she was pregnant with triplets? A: She went looking for the three guys.
Q: How do Asians get their name? A: They throw a pan down the hall and listen to the noise. Example: Dong Ching Lau.
When Chuck Norris was a baby, he sucked on a pacifier and made it cry.
Yo mama is so ugly that she could be the poster child for birth control.
One afternoon I was walking on a trail with my baby daughter, chatting to her about the scenery. When a man and his dog approached, I leaned down to the carriage and said, “See the doggy?” Suddenly I felt foolish talking to my baby as if she understood me. However, just as the man passed, he reached down, patted his dog, and said, “See the baby?”
The reason newborn babies cry is because they know they have just entered a world with Chuck Norris.
A man is visiting a foreign country but does not speak the language that they speak there. He decides to go to a church service, but the priest is speaking the native language, so the American man just does whatever the man in front of him does. When the man in front of him stands, so does the American man. When the man in front of him sits, so does the American man. At one point, the priest says something, and the man in front of him stood. So the American man stood too. Everyone in the church gasped, so the American man hurriedly sat back down. Later, the American man figured out that the priest was congratulating a birth. When he had asked who was the father, and both men stood up, it had caused some confusion!
Who held the baby octopus to ransom? Squidnappers.