The best baby jokes

Yo' mama so fat, when she was a baby, she took a bath with a rubber albatross.
Vote: has 62.41 % from 9 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: baby, fat, insulting, Yo mama
Two gay men decide to have a baby. They mix their sperm and have a surrogate mother artificially inseminated. When the baby is born, they rush to the hospital. Two dozen babies are in the ward, 23 of which are crying and screaming. One, over in the corner, is smiling serenely. A nurse comes by, and to the men's delight, she points out the happy child as theirs. ''Isn't it wonderful?'' Brad exclaims. ''All these unhappy children, and ours is so happy.'' ''He's happy now," says the nurse. "But just wait until we take the pacifier out of his ass.''
Vote: has 62.20 % from 236 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: baby, gay
A Black man bought a round of drinks for everyone in the bar, announcing that his wife had just given birth to "a typical black baby boy weighing 20 pounds." Congratulations showered him from all around, and many exclamations of "Wow!" were heard. A woman fainted due to sympathy pains. Two weeks later, he returned to the bar. The bartender said, "Say, you're the proud father of an amazing black baby who weighed 20 pounds at birth. How much does he weigh now?" The proud father answered, "Fifteen pounds." The bartender was puzzled. "Why? What happened? He weighed 20 pounds at birth?" The father drank the bottle of whisky at one go, wiped his lips on his shirtsleeve, leaned into the bartender and said, "Had him circumcised."
Vote: has 61.98 % from 466 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: baby, bar, bartender, black people, wife
Little known medical fact: Chuck Norris invented the Caesarean section when he roundhouse-kicked his way out of his monther's womb.
Vote: has 61.28 % from 16 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: baby, birthday, Chuck Norris, doctor
Woman delivers baby. Doctor takes the baby, and throws it, smashing around the hospital room, drop-kicking it, etc. Mother starts freaking out, being held back by nurses, begging "WHY!?" Doctor holds baby upside down by the ankle and says "I'm just fucking with you, it was born dead".
Vote: has 60.65 % from 44 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: baby, black humor, death, doctor, hospital
There once was a baby elephant and a baby turtle drinking from a river deep in the jungle. For no reason, the turtle reaches over and bites the elephant's tail, really hard. Years and years later, the same elephant, now grown up, is by the same river, having a drink with his giraffe buddy, when the same turtle that bit him on the tail all those years ago wanders up to the river. The elephant rears back a leg and kicks the turtle as hard as he can, sending him flying way off into the jungle. "Why did you do that?" the giraffe asks. "When we both were babies, that turtle bit my tail for no reason," the elephant replied. "Wow! You must have a good memory!" exclaimed the giraffe. "Yep!" said the elephant. "I've got Turtle-Recall."
Vote: has 60.16 % from 12 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, baby, elephant, time
Goku and Superman once had a baby his name is Chuck Norris.
Vote: has 59.19 % from 15 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: baby, celebrity, Chuck Norris
Q: What does a baby computer call its dad? A: Data
Vote: has 58.75 % from 18 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: baby, computer, dad, IT
What is funnier than a zombie baby hanging from a ceiling fan? Hitting it with a shovel when it comes around.
Vote: has 58.56 % from 21 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: baby, disgusting
Which branch of the military do babies join? The infantry!
Vote: has 58.09 % from 41 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: baby, military