The best baby jokes

Single and ready to get nervous around anyone I find attractive.
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has 64.76 % from 29 votes. More jokes about: baby, fat, mean, single, time
Mama Raptor and Papa Raptor were in court getting a divorce and the judge offered Baby Raptor a choice of which parent to live with. JUDGE: "Do you want to live with your mother?" BABY RAPTOR: "No! She beats me." JUDGE: "OK, then you can live with your father." BABY RAPTOR: "No! He beats me too!" JUDGE: "Well you have to live with someone. Who do you want to live with?" BABY RAPTOR: "I want to live with my Aunt Bertha in Toronto." JUDGE: "Is there any chance she'll beat you also?" BABY RAPTOR: "No sir. The Toronto Raptors don't beat anybody."
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has 64.46 % from 69 votes. More jokes about: animal, baby, dinosaur
Q: What does a baby computer call its dad? A: Data
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has 64.28 % from 25 votes. More jokes about: baby, computer, dad, IT
Two gay men decide to have a baby. They mix their sperm and have a surrogate mother artificially inseminated. When the baby is born, they rush to the hospital. Two dozen babies are in the ward, 23 of which are crying and screaming. One, over in the corner, is smiling serenely. A nurse comes by, and to the men's delight, she points out the happy child as theirs. ''Isn't it wonderful?'' Brad exclaims. ''All these unhappy children, and ours is so happy.'' ''He's happy now," says the nurse. "But just wait until we take the pacifier out of his ass.''
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has 64.10 % from 261 votes. More jokes about: baby, gay
Whats the difference in a seagull and a babys diaper? A seagull flits across the shore and a baby shits across the floor.
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has 63.75 % from 21 votes. More jokes about: animal, baby
Q: What did the blonde do when she found out she was pregnant with triplets? A: She went looking for the three guys.
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has 63.26 % from 41 votes. More jokes about: baby, blonde, sex, stupid
Q: How do Asians get their name? A: They throw a pan down the hall and listen to the noise. Example: Dong Ching Lau.
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has 63.09 % from 204 votes. More jokes about: asian, baby, racist
Yo mama is so ugly that she could be the poster child for birth control.
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has 63.00 % from 24 votes. More jokes about: baby, birthday, insulting, ugly, Yo mama
One afternoon I was walking on a trail with my baby daughter, chatting to her about the scenery. When a man and his dog approached, I leaned down to the carriage and said, “See the doggy?” Suddenly I felt foolish talking to my baby as if she understood me. However, just as the man passed, he reached down, patted his dog, and said, “See the baby?”
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has 62.22 % from 20 votes. More jokes about: animal, baby, dog
Who held the baby octopus to ransom? Squidnappers.
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has 61.28 % from 16 votes. More jokes about: animal, baby