The best baby jokes

Yo mama is so ugly that she could be the poster child for birth control.
Vote: has 65.16 % from 22 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: baby, birthday, insulting, ugly, Yo mama
One afternoon I was walking on a trail with my baby daughter, chatting to her about the scenery. When a man and his dog approached, I leaned down to the carriage and said, “See the doggy?” Suddenly I felt foolish talking to my baby as if she understood me. However, just as the man passed, he reached down, patted his dog, and said, “See the baby?”
Vote: has 64.88 % from 18 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: animal, baby, dog
Whats the difference in a seagull and a babys diaper? A seagull flits across the shore and a baby shits across the floor.
Vote: has 63.75 % from 21 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: animal, baby
Two gay men decide to have a baby. They mix their sperm and have a surrogate mother artificially inseminated. When the baby is born, they rush to the hospital. Two dozen babies are in the ward, 23 of which are crying and screaming. One, over in the corner, is smiling serenely. A nurse comes by, and to the men's delight, she points out the happy child as theirs. ''Isn't it wonderful?'' Brad exclaims. ''All these unhappy children, and ours is so happy.'' ''He's happy now," says the nurse. "But just wait until we take the pacifier out of his ass.''
Vote: has 63.56 % from 257 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: baby, gay
Yo mama so ugly that when she delivered a little baby after birth the baby saw mum and screamed "It's a gorilla!".
Vote: has 63.21 % from 57 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: animal, baby, insulting, ugly, Yo mama
Me: "Here comes the airplane!" Baby: Opens mouth. Me: "OH NO! It's the Taliban!" Hits baby in the forehead with the spoon. "KA-BOOM"
Vote: has 62.85 % from 75 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: airplane, baby, black humor
A Black man bought a round of drinks for everyone in the bar, announcing that his wife had just given birth to "a typical black baby boy weighing 20 pounds." Congratulations showered him from all around, and many exclamations of "Wow!" were heard. A woman fainted due to sympathy pains. Two weeks later, he returned to the bar. The bartender said, "Say, you're the proud father of an amazing black baby who weighed 20 pounds at birth. How much does he weigh now?" The proud father answered, "Fifteen pounds." The bartender was puzzled. "Why? What happened? He weighed 20 pounds at birth?" The father drank the bottle of whisky at one go, wiped his lips on his shirtsleeve, leaned into the bartender and said, "Had him circumcised."
Vote: has 62.57 % from 482 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: baby, bar, bartender, black people, wife
Q: What does a baby computer call its dad? A: Data
Vote: has 61.63 % from 23 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: baby, computer, dad, IT
Q: Do you know why women over fifty don't have babies? A: They would put them down somewhere and forget where they left them.
Vote: has 61.28 % from 16 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: age, baby, memory, women
Suzy asked her big sister Samantha how babies are made. Samantha explains it to her. "I still don't get it? Can you show me." Suzy says. "OK. Tonight, I will let you watch will my boyfriend, Jack and I screw." That night, Jack laid Samantha 5 times but Suzy still didn't understand. The next night Jack was tired of Suzy watching so he offered to have sex with her. "OK but I don't want Samantha to watch" So Samantha went outside. They are in there for almost an hour and when they come out Jack is smiling like crazy. "That was fun but I still don't get it." Says Suzy The next day the same thing happened. And the next day. Finally 2 weeks later Samantha comes home crying. "Whats wrong," Suzy says. "Jack dumped me. He said there was someone better." Said Samantha. "Let's go talk to him maybe we can change his mind," said Suzy. When they got there Jack said he made up his mind and there was nothing they could do to change it. Then he asked to speak to Suzy privately. He pulled off all of Suzy's clothes and started to screw her. "OK," Jack said kissing Suzy's neck "I broke up with Samantha now tell me how you got to be so good in bed." "Fine." She replied, "I asked all my other sisters how babies are made."
Vote: has 61.28 % from 16 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: baby, kids, sex, stupid, time