The best baby jokes

At school one day, the teacher was trying to approach the topic of sex education and asked her students if they'd ever seen anything that was related to sex education on TV. Mary raised her hand and said she had seen a movie about women having babies. "Great," said the teacher, "that's very important." Then Judy raised her hand and told the teacher she had seen a TV show about people getting married. "Well, that has to do with it too," said the teacher. Then Johnny raised his hand and said he had seen a western where some Indians came riding over the hill and John Wayne shot them all. The teacher said, "Well, Johnny, that really doesn't have anything to do with sex education." "Yes it does," said Johnny, " it taught those Indians not to f**k with John Wayne."
Vote: has 61.97 % from 88 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: baby, little Johnny, school, sex, teacher
A Black man bought a round of drinks for everyone in the bar, announcing that his wife had just given birth to "a typical black baby boy weighing 20 pounds." Congratulations showered him from all around, and many exclamations of "Wow!" were heard. A woman fainted due to sympathy pains. Two weeks later, he returned to the bar. The bartender said, "Say, you're the proud father of an amazing black baby who weighed 20 pounds at birth. How much does he weigh now?" The proud father answered, "Fifteen pounds." The bartender was puzzled. "Why? What happened? He weighed 20 pounds at birth?" The father drank the bottle of whisky at one go, wiped his lips on his shirtsleeve, leaned into the bartender and said, "Had him circumcised."
Vote: has 61.90 % from 465 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: baby, bar, bartender, black people, wife
Little known medical fact: Chuck Norris invented the Caesarean section when he roundhouse-kicked his way out of his monther's womb.
Vote: has 61.28 % from 16 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: baby, birthday, Chuck Norris, doctor
What do you name an Asian baby with problems? Sum ting wong.
Vote: has 60.69 % from 38 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: asian, baby, racist
There once was a baby elephant and a baby turtle drinking from a river deep in the jungle. For no reason, the turtle reaches over and bites the elephant's tail, really hard. Years and years later, the same elephant, now grown up, is by the same river, having a drink with his giraffe buddy, when the same turtle that bit him on the tail all those years ago wanders up to the river. The elephant rears back a leg and kicks the turtle as hard as he can, sending him flying way off into the jungle. "Why did you do that?" the giraffe asks. "When we both were babies, that turtle bit my tail for no reason," the elephant replied. "Wow! You must have a good memory!" exclaimed the giraffe. "Yep!" said the elephant. "I've got Turtle-Recall."
Vote: has 60.16 % from 12 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, baby, elephant, time
Goku and Superman once had a baby his name is Chuck Norris.
Vote: has 59.19 % from 15 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: baby, celebrity, Chuck Norris
What is funnier than a zombie baby hanging from a ceiling fan? Hitting it with a shovel when it comes around.
Vote: has 58.56 % from 21 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: baby, disgusting
Which branch of the military do babies join? The infantry!
Vote: has 58.09 % from 41 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: baby, military
How do you fit 500 babies into a phone booth? With a blender. How do you get them out? Nachos - make a dipping and snacking motion.
Vote: has 57.73 % from 35 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: baby, black humor, phone
Q: What does a baby computer call its dad? A: Data
Vote: has 56.77 % from 17 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: baby, computer, dad, IT