Yo mama is so ugly that she could be the poster child for birth control.
Q: What does a baby computer call its dad? A: Data
One afternoon I was walking on a trail with my baby daughter, chatting to her about the scenery. When a man and his dog approached, I leaned down to the carriage and said, “See the doggy?” Suddenly I felt foolish talking to my baby as if she understood me. However, just as the man passed, he reached down, patted his dog, and said, “See the baby?”
Q: What did the blonde do when she found out she was pregnant with triplets? A: She went looking for the three guys.
Q: How do Asians get their name? A: They throw a pan down the hall and listen to the noise. Example: Dong Ching Lau.
Single and ready to get nervous around anyone I find attractive.
Whats the difference in a seagull and a babys diaper? A seagull flits across the shore and a baby shits across the floor.
A Black man bought a round of drinks for everyone in the bar, announcing that his wife had just given birth to "a typical black baby boy weighing 20 pounds." Congratulations showered him from all around, and many exclamations of "Wow!" were heard. A woman fainted due to sympathy pains. Two weeks later, he returned to the bar. The bartender said, "Say, you're the proud father of an amazing black baby who weighed 20 pounds at birth. How much does he weigh now?" The proud father answered, "Fifteen pounds." The bartender was puzzled. "Why? What happened? He weighed 20 pounds at birth?" The father drank the bottle of whisky at one go, wiped his lips on his shirtsleeve, leaned into the bartender and said, "Had him circumcised."
Me: "Here comes the airplane!" Baby: Opens mouth. Me: "OH NO! It's the Taliban!" Hits baby in the forehead with the spoon. "KA-BOOM"
A lady tells the nurse at a maternity hospital, "I want to call my little baby Ellie." Nurse replies, "I'm sorry, but that name is already taken, perhaps you can consider naming her Ellie532 or Ellie_153?"