Why didn't the husband change the baby for a week? Because the text on the nappies package said "18-40 lbs".
A couple went to have their baby delivered... Upon arrival, the doctor said there is this new technology that would transfer a portion of the mother's labor pain to the baby's father, via a machine. He asked if they were willing to try it out. They were both very much in favor of it. The doctor set the pain transfer ratio to 10% for starters, explaining that even 10% was probably more pain than the father had ever experienced before. However as the labor progressed, the husband felt fine and asked the doctor to go ahead and kick it up a notch. The doctor then adjusted the machine to 20% pain transfer. The husband was still feeling fine. The doctor checked the husband over and was amazed at how well he was doing. At this point, they decided to try for 50%. The husband continued to feel quite well. Since the pain transfer was obviously helping out the wife considerably, the husband encouraged the doctor to transfer ALL the pain to him..... The wife delivered a healthy baby with virtually no pain. She and her husband both were ecstatic... When they reached home...The cook was lying dead in the kitchen!
Let's not mess with nature. We are here to make babies. So, let's get to it.
Which branch of the military do babies join? The infantry!
Willy: "Mom, are our neighbors very poor people? Mother: "I don't think so, Willy. Why do you ask?" Willy: "Because they made such a fuss when their baby swallowed a coin."
What is funnier than a zombie baby hanging from a ceiling fan? Hitting it with a shovel when it comes around.
Wife: "Every sunday you go for fishing, right?" Husband: "Yeah... Why?" Wife: "Today the fish came here and told she's pregnant."
What did the baby dolphin do when he didn't get his way? He whale-d.
Goku and Superman once had a baby his name is Chuck Norris.
Hercules strangled two snakes in his crib when he was a baby. Chuck Norris strangled a grizzly bear moments after birth with his own umbilical cord.