The best baby jokes

There once was a baby elephant and a baby turtle drinking from a river deep in the jungle. For no reason, the turtle reaches over and bites the elephant's tail, really hard. Years and years later, the same elephant, now grown up, is by the same river, having a drink with his giraffe buddy, when the same turtle that bit him on the tail all those years ago wanders up to the river. The elephant rears back a leg and kicks the turtle as hard as he can, sending him flying way off into the jungle. "Why did you do that?" the giraffe asks. "When we both were babies, that turtle bit my tail for no reason," the elephant replied. "Wow! You must have a good memory!" exclaimed the giraffe. "Yep!" said the elephant. "I've got Turtle-Recall."
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has 54.97 % from 19 votes. More jokes about: animal, baby, elephant, time
Goku and Superman once had a baby his name is Chuck Norris.
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has 54.97 % from 19 votes. More jokes about: baby, celebrity, Chuck Norris
There is three kids sitting at the lunch table one day. One kid ask what do you call a mixed baby? One replies a zebra,another replies a mistake and the third one replies. Rape
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has 54.83 % from 53 votes. More jokes about: animal, baby, kids, racist
A couple went to have their baby delivered... Upon arrival, the doctor said there is this new technology that would transfer a portion of the mother's labor pain to the baby's father, via a machine. He asked if they were willing to try it out. They were both very much in favor of it. The doctor set the pain transfer ratio to 10% for starters, explaining that even 10% was probably more pain than the father had ever experienced before. However as the labor progressed, the husband felt fine and asked the doctor to go ahead and kick it up a notch. The doctor then adjusted the machine to 20% pain transfer. The husband was still feeling fine. The doctor checked the husband over and was amazed at how well he was doing. At this point, they decided to try for 50%. The husband continued to feel quite well. Since the pain transfer was obviously helping out the wife considerably, the husband encouraged the doctor to transfer ALL the pain to him..... The wife delivered a healthy baby with virtually no pain. She and her husband both were ecstatic... When they reached home...The cook was lying dead in the kitchen!
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has 54.63 % from 114 votes. More jokes about: baby, couple, doctor, marriage
How should you treat a baby goat? Like a kid.
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has 54.59 % from 16 votes. More jokes about: animal, baby, kids
A 65 year old blonde has a baby. All her relatives come to visit and meet the newest member of their family. When they ask to see the baby, the 65 year old mother says “not yet.” A little later they ask to see the baby again. Again the mother says “not yet.” Finally they say, “When can we see the baby?” And the mother says, “When the baby cries.” And they ask, “Why do we have to wait until the baby cries?” The new mother says, “because I forgot where I put it.”
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has 53.58 % from 21 votes. More jokes about: age, baby, old people
Let's not mess with nature. We are here to make babies. So, let's get to it.
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has 53.58 % from 21 votes. More jokes about: baby, dirty, flirt, sex
Q: What did the snowman and his wife put over their baby's crib? A: A snowmobile!
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has 52.93 % from 18 votes. More jokes about: baby, wife, winter
A Chinese couple had a black baby. They named him Sum Sing Wong.
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has 52.42 % from 50 votes. More jokes about: asian, baby, communication, couple
Why didn't the husband change the baby for a week? Because the text on the nappies package said "18-40 lbs".
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has 52.18 % from 15 votes. More jokes about: baby, husband, men
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