How many babies does it take to paint a house? Depends how hard you throw them.
When Chuck Norris was 3 years old , he was bored And decided to carve a sculpture with only his Baby toe nail , this sculpture is now called.... Mount Rushmore.
A blonde is walking down the street with her blouse open and her right breast hanging out. A policeman approaches her and says, "Ma'am, are you aware that I could cite you for indecent exposure?" "Why" asks the Blond "Because your breast is hanging out." She looks down and says, "OH MY GOD, I left the baby on the bus again!"
Q: How do you get a zombie baby into a bowl? A: A blender. Q: How do you get them out? A: Doritos.
What's green and sits in the corner? That same baby three weeks later.
Which is the only day you you are safe in a cannibal village? Sitter days (when they eat the baby-sitter instead)!
Little girl: "Why does your son say, 'Cluck, cluck, cluck?'" Mother: "Because he thinks he's a chicken." Little girl: "Why don't you tell him he's not a chicken?" Mother: "Because we need the eggs."
How do you make a baby drink? Stick it in the blender.
When Chuck Norris was a baby he didnt have teddy bears. He had real bears.
What's red and sits in a corner? A baby playing with a razor blade.