The best baby jokes

Why didn't the husband change the baby for a week? Because the text on the nappies package said "18-40 lbs".
has 54.59 % from 16 votes. More jokes about: baby, husband, men
A couple went to have their baby delivered... Upon arrival, the doctor said there is this new technology that would transfer a portion of the mother's labor pain to the baby's father, via a machine. He asked if they were willing to try it out. They were both very much in favor of it. The doctor set the pain transfer ratio to 10% for starters, explaining that even 10% was probably more pain than the father had ever experienced before. However as the labor progressed, the husband felt fine and asked the doctor to go ahead and kick it up a notch. The doctor then adjusted the machine to 20% pain transfer. The husband was still feeling fine. The doctor checked the husband over and was amazed at how well he was doing. At this point, they decided to try for 50%. The husband continued to feel quite well. Since the pain transfer was obviously helping out the wife considerably, the husband encouraged the doctor to transfer ALL the pain to him..... The wife delivered a healthy baby with virtually no pain. She and her husband both were ecstatic... When they reached home...The cook was lying dead in the kitchen!
has 54.49 % from 116 votes. More jokes about: baby, couple, doctor, marriage
Let's not mess with nature. We are here to make babies. So, let's get to it.
has 54.15 % from 24 votes. More jokes about: baby, dirty, flirt, sex
Which branch of the military do babies join? The infantry!
has 53.62 % from 49 votes. More jokes about: baby, military
Willy: "Mom, are our neighbors very poor people? Mother: "I don't think so, Willy. Why do you ask?" Willy: "Because they made such a fuss when their baby swallowed a coin."
has 53.18 % from 26 votes. More jokes about: baby, kids, money
What is funnier than a zombie baby hanging from a ceiling fan? Hitting it with a shovel when it comes around.
has 53.18 % from 26 votes. More jokes about: baby, disgusting
Wife: "Every sunday you go for fishing, right?" Husband: "Yeah... Why?" Wife: "Today the fish came here and told she's pregnant."
has 52.76 % from 60 votes. More jokes about: baby, fish, marriage, wife
What did the baby dolphin do when he didn't get his way? He whale-d.
has 52.18 % from 15 votes. More jokes about: animal, baby
Goku and Superman once had a baby his name is Chuck Norris.
has 51.67 % from 20 votes. More jokes about: baby, celebrity, Chuck Norris
Hercules strangled two snakes in his crib when he was a baby. Chuck Norris strangled a grizzly bear moments after birth with his own umbilical cord.
has 50.29 % from 29 votes. More jokes about: animal, baby, Chuck Norris
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