The best baby jokes

Why is it dangerous to tell the husband to go and change the son? Two hours later he comes back with a baby girl.
Vote: has 54.16 % from 10 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: baby, husband, men
Willy: "Mom, are our neighbors very poor people? Mother: "I don't think so, Willy. Why do you ask?" Willy: "Because they made such a fuss when their baby swallowed a coin."
Vote: has 53.58 % from 21 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: baby, kids, money
A couple went to have their baby delivered... Upon arrival, the doctor said there is this new technology that would transfer a portion of the mother's labor pain to the baby's father, via a machine. He asked if they were willing to try it out. They were both very much in favor of it. The doctor set the pain transfer ratio to 10% for starters, explaining that even 10% was probably more pain than the father had ever experienced before. However as the labor progressed, the husband felt fine and asked the doctor to go ahead and kick it up a notch. The doctor then adjusted the machine to 20% pain transfer. The husband was still feeling fine. The doctor checked the husband over and was amazed at how well he was doing. At this point, they decided to try for 50%. The husband continued to feel quite well. Since the pain transfer was obviously helping out the wife considerably, the husband encouraged the doctor to transfer ALL the pain to him..... The wife delivered a healthy baby with virtually no pain. She and her husband both were ecstatic... When they reached home...The cook was lying dead in the kitchen!
Vote: has 53.24 % from 108 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: baby, couple, doctor, marriage
I got home to see my two months pregnant wife crouched in the bathroom crying. Her red, smudged eyes looked at me as she told me she'd lost the baby. I told the silly thing not to be so upset, I could clearly see it in the toilet.
Vote: has 52.49 % from 23 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: baby, disgusting, wife
Q: What's brown and taps on the window? A: A baby in a microwave!
Vote: has 51.34 % from 12 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: baby, disgusting
How many babies does it take to paint a house? Depends how hard you throw them.
Vote: has 50.89 % from 153 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: baby, black humor, disgusting
When Chuck Norris was a baby he didnt have teddy bears. He had real bears.
Vote: has 50.45 % from 9 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, baby, Chuck Norris
Johnny comes home from school and asks his mom what is a "period". His mom says that "A period is when a woman needs to realease her dead egg cells". Johnny asks what color is it. She says it's red. Johnny said "I have one of those but mine is white and it makes babies."
Vote: has 50.22 % from 36 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: baby, dirty, little Johnny, school, women
When Chuck Norris was 3 years old , he was bored And decided to carve a sculpture with only his Baby toe nail , this sculpture is now called.... Mount Rushmore.
Vote: has 49.51 % from 14 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: age, baby, Chuck Norris
Q: How do you get a zombie baby into a bowl? A: A blender. Q: How do you get them out? A: Doritos.
Vote: has 48.26 % from 16 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: baby, disgusting