Why didn't the husband change the baby for a week? Because the text on the nappies package said "18-40 lbs".
What did the baby dolphin do when he didn't get his way? He whale-d.
What's green and sits in the corner? That same baby three weeks later.
Q: What did the baby owl's parents say when he wanted to go to a party? A: "You're not owld enough."
How many babies does it take to paint a house? Depends how hard you throw them.
Woman delivers baby. Doctor takes the baby, and throws it, smashing around the hospital room, drop-kicking it, etc. Mother starts freaking out, being held back by nurses, begging "WHY!?" Doctor holds baby upside down by the ankle and says "I'm just fucking with you, it was born dead".
"Jeff, my child, your mother had to stay in the hospital for a few days, cause the stork that brought your baby brother bite her by accident." "Oh, gosh! What a terrible thing to happen to her after such a difficult birth!"
What is height of Laziness? Adopting a child.
When Chuck Norris was 3 years old , he was bored And decided to carve a sculpture with only his Baby toe nail , this sculpture is now called.... Mount Rushmore.
I got home to see my two months pregnant wife crouched in the bathroom crying. Her red, smudged eyes looked at me as she told me she'd lost the baby. I told the silly thing not to be so upset, I could clearly see it in the toilet.