What's red and sits in a corner?
A baby playing with a razor blade.
Vote:
What's green and sits in the corner?
That same baby three weeks later.
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Yo' mama so fat, when she was a baby, she took a bath with a rubber albatross.
Why is it dangerous to tell the husband to go and change the son?
Two hours later he comes back with a baby girl.
A blonde is walking down the street with her blouse open and her right breast hanging out.
A policeman approaches her and says, "Ma'am, are you aware that I could cite you for indecent exposure?"
"Why" asks the Blond "Because your breast is hanging out."
She looks down and says, "OH MY GOD, I left the baby on the bus again!"
Johnny comes home from school and asks his mom what is a "period".
His mom says that "A period is when a woman needs to realease her dead egg cells".
Johnny asks what color is it.
She says it's red.
Johnny said "I have one of those but mine is white and it makes babies."
Your momma's pussy is so hairy, when your brother was born he died of rugburn.
Q: How do you get a zombie baby into a bowl?
A: A blender.
Q: How do you get them out?
A: Doritos.
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Hercules strangled two snakes in his crib when he was a baby.
Chuck Norris strangled a grizzly bear moments after birth with his own umbilical cord.
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The best thing about trying to name a baby is realizing how many people you hate.