How should you treat a baby goat? Like a kid.
What's green and sits in the corner? That same baby three weeks later.
What's red and sits in a corner? A baby playing with a razor blade.
The reason newborn babies cry is because they know they have just entered a world with Chuck Norris.
A Chinese couple had a black baby. They named him Sum Sing Wong.
How do you make a baby drink? Stick it in the blender.
"Jeff, my child, your mother had to stay in the hospital for a few days, cause the stork that brought your baby brother bite her by accident." "Oh, gosh! What a terrible thing to happen to her after such a difficult birth!"
Woman delivers baby. Doctor takes the baby, and throws it, smashing around the hospital room, drop-kicking it, etc. Mother starts freaking out, being held back by nurses, begging "WHY!?" Doctor holds baby upside down by the ankle and says "I'm just fucking with you, it was born dead".
Yo' mama so fat, when she was a baby, she took a bath with a rubber albatross.
Mary held her little daughter, twenty minutes under water. Not to care for any troubles, just to look at those funny bubbles.