The reason newborn babies cry is because they know they have just entered a world with Chuck Norris.
How do you make a baby drink? Stick it in the blender.
Q: What did the snowman and his wife put over their baby's crib? A: A snowmobile!
Yo' mama so fat, when she was a baby, she took a bath with a rubber albatross.
Little Johnny's teacher asks him, "If I have 5 cookies, and I give you 2, how many cookies do I have left?" Little Johnny replies, "Zero, you're giving me more than just 3 cookies. I'm taking all 5 baby!" The teacher just facepalms herself. "I can strongly suggest that you work on your math skills Johnny." the teacher suggests. "Oh I know math, one man plus one girl, subtract a condom, equals a baby!" Little Johnny says.
What's green and sits in the corner? That same baby three weeks later.
Johnny comes home from school and asks his mom what is a "period". His mom says that "A period is when a woman needs to realease her dead egg cells". Johnny asks what color is it. She says it's red. Johnny said "I have one of those but mine is white and it makes babies."
What's red and sits in a corner? A baby playing with a razor blade.
Q: How do you get a zombie baby into a bowl? A: A blender. Q: How do you get them out? A: Doritos.
What did the blonde say to her doctor when he told her she was pregnant? "Is it mine?"