The best beer jokes

Question: How many men does it take to open a beer? Answer: None. It should already be open by the time she brings it.
Vote:
has 38.99 % from 32 votes. More jokes about: beer, women
A ham sandwich walked into a bar and the bartender said: "We don't sell to ham sandwiches." But the sandwich replied: "That's okay, I only want a beer."
Vote:
has 36.09 % from 14 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, bartender, beer, food
A man walks into a bar, and orders a beer. As he sits there, the jar of nuts on the bar tells him what a nice shirt he is wearing. Disturbed by this, he goes to the cigarette vending machine to buy a pack of smokes. As he approaches the machine, it starts screaming and shouting at him. He runs to the bar and explains this to the barman. The barman apologizes and says "The peanuts are complimentary, but the cigarette machine is out of order"!
Vote:
has 34.87 % from 8 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, bar, bartender, beer
A scoutmaster asked one of his troop what good deed he had done for the day. "Well, Skip," said the scout, "Dad had only one bottle of beer left, so I let my baby brother have it."
Vote:
has 33.50 % from 22 votes. More jokes about: baby, beer, dad, kids
A bear walks into a bar in Billings, Montana and sits down. He bangs on the bar with his paw and demands a beer. The bartender approaches and says, "We don't serve beer to bears in bars in Billings." The bear, becoming angry, demands again that he be served a beer. The bartender tells him again, more forcefully, "We don't serve beer to belligerent bears in bars in Billings." The bear, very angry now, says, "If you don't serve me a beer, I'm going to eat that lady sitting at the end of the bar." The bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve beer to belligerent, bully bears in bars in Billings." The bear goes to the end of the bar, and, as promised, eats the woman. He comes back to his seat and again demands a beer. The bartender states, "Sorry, we don't serve beer to belligerent, bully bears in bars in Billings who are on drugs." The bear says, "I'm NOT on drugs." Te bartender says, "You are now. That was a barbitchyouate."
Vote:
has 30.77 % from 29 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, animal, bar, bartender, beer
Q: How many men does it take to open a beer? A: None, it better be open when she brings it to you.
Vote:
has 30.43 % from 24 votes. More jokes about: beer, men, women
How does a man show he's planning for the Future? He buys two cases of beer instead of one.
Vote:
has 29.01 % from 7 votes. More jokes about: beer, men
A guy walks into a bar and orders a drink. After a few more he needs to go to the can. He doesn't want anyone to steal his drink so he puts a sign on it saying, "I spat in this beer, do not drink!". After a few minutes he returns and there is another sign next to his beer saying, "So did I!"
Vote:
has 29.01 % from 7 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, bar, beer
Q: What is a man's idea of a balanced diet A: A Budweiser in each hand!
Vote:
has 27.24 % from 18 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, beer
A golf club walks into a local bar and asks the barman for a pint of beer. The barman refuses to serve him. "Why not," asks the golf club. "You'll be driving later," replies the bartender.
Vote:
has 26.98 % from 10 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, bartender, beer, golf
<<<910
More jokes →
Page 9 of 10.