The best beer jokes

Tom, Frank, and Harry are fishing in a boat. Frank stands up to get a beer, loses his balance, falls in the lake, and dissapears. After a few minutes, and no sign of Frank, Tom tells Harry he better go in after him. Harry drags him into the boat and notices hes not breathing. "Better give him mouth-to-mouth" says Tom. "Whew! I don't remember him having this bad of breath!" says Harry. Tom replies, "Oh yeah, well I don't remember him wearing a snowmobile suit!"
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has 39.50 % from 19 votes. More jokes about: beer, fish, sport
In the Bible, Jesus turned water into wine. But then Chuck Norris turned that wine into beer.
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has 38.57 % from 80 votes. More jokes about: beer, bible, Chuck Norris, religious, wine
A scoutmaster asked one of his troop what good deed he had done for the day. "Well, Skip," said the scout, "Dad had only one bottle of beer left, so I let my baby brother have it."
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has 38.22 % from 26 votes. More jokes about: baby, beer, dad, kids
Question: How many men does it take to open a beer? Answer: None. It should already be open by the time she brings it.
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has 37.68 % from 33 votes. More jokes about: beer, women
What's the fastest thing in the world? A beer truck driving through an Indian reserve. What's the second fastest thing in the world? The Indians running after it.
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has 35.78 % from 23 votes. More jokes about: beer, life
A ham sandwich walked into a bar and the bartender said: "We don't sell to ham sandwiches." But the sandwich replied: "That's okay, I only want a beer."
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has 33.37 % from 15 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, bartender, beer, food
A man walks into a bar and says, "Excuse me, I'd like a pint of beer." The bartender serves the drink and says, "That'll be four dollars." The customer pulls out a twenty-dollar bill and hands it to the bartender. "Sorry, sir," the bartender says, "but I can't accept that." The man pulls out a ten-dollar bill and the bartender rejects his money again. "What's going on here?" the man asks. Pointing to a neon sign, the bartender explains, "This is a Singles Bar."
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has 32.54 % from 13 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, bar, bartender, beer, money
A man walks into a bar, and orders a beer. As he sits there, the jar of nuts on the bar tells him what a nice shirt he is wearing. Disturbed by this, he goes to the cigarette vending machine to buy a pack of smokes. As he approaches the machine, it starts screaming and shouting at him. He runs to the bar and explains this to the barman. The barman apologizes and says "The peanuts are complimentary, but the cigarette machine is out of order"!
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has 31.56 % from 11 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, bar, bartender, beer
Q: How many men does it take to open a beer? A: None, it better be open when she brings it to you.
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has 31.25 % from 26 votes. More jokes about: beer, men, women
A guy walks into a bar and orders a drink. After a few more he needs to go to the can. He doesn't want anyone to steal his drink so he puts a sign on it saying, "I spat in this beer, do not drink!". After a few minutes he returns and there is another sign next to his beer saying, "So did I!"
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has 29.01 % from 7 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, bar, beer
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