What happens when Chuck Norris orders a beer and gets a beer?
He roundhouses the waitress, Chuck Norris should not have to ask.
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In the Bible, Jesus turned water into wine.
But then Chuck Norris turned that wine into beer.
In World War 2 Chuck Norris Pointed his Fingers at an enemy zero and said BANG, The plane burst into flames and crashed.
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Chuck Norris once toboggoned down Mount Everest and then sprinted back up cuz he realized he lost his mitten.
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A ham sandwich walked into a bar and the bartender said: "We don't sell to ham sandwiches."
But the sandwich replied: "That's okay, I only want a beer."
Q: What is a man's idea of a balanced diet
A: A Budweiser in each hand!
A man comes home late one night, drunk.
"Where have you been?" asks his wife.
"In the Golden Bar! They have golden chairs, golden glasses, golden beer, and a golden urinal!"
This sounds awfully suspicious to the wife, who calls the Golden Bar.
"Do you have golden chairs?"
"Yes."
"Do you have golden glasses?"
"Yes."
"Do you have golden beer?"
"Yes."
"Do you have a golden urinal?"
"Hold on."
On the other end, she hears "I think we have a line on the guy who pissed in your saxophone."
A new guy in town walks into a bar and reads a sign that hangs over the bar… FREE BEER! FREE BEER FOR THE PERSON WHO CAN PASS THE TEST!
So the guy asks the bartender what the test is.
Bartender replies “Well, first you have to drink that whole gallon of pepper tequila, the WHOLE thing at once and you can’t make a face while doing it. Second, there’s a ‘gator out back with a sore tooth…you have to remove it with your bare hands. Third, there’s a woman up-stairs who’s never had an orgasm. You gotta make things right for her.”
The guy says, “Well, as much as I would love free beer, I won’t do it. You have to be nuts to drink a gallon of pepper tequila and then get crazier from there.
Well, as time goes on and the man drinks a few, he asks, “Wherez zat teeqeelah?”
He grabs the gallon of tequilla with both hands, and downs it with a big slurp and tears streaming down his face.
Next, he staggers out back and soon all the people inside hear the most frightening roaring and thumping, then silence.
The man staggers back into the bar, his shirt ripped and big scratches all over his body.
“Now” he says “Where’s that woman with the sore tooth?”
When Chuck Norris finishes his workout, the gym takes a break.
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