What is the difference between turkey and mother-in-law? There is no difference: both are the best when they are cold on the table.
Q: What's the best part about sex with 28-year-olds? A: There are twenty of them.
Q: When does a pedophile go to sleep? A: When the big hand touches the small one.
One man enters in an ambulant and says to the doctor: Help me, please. I have a knife in my back. The doctor, looking his watch says: Now is 2:20 PM, and I work till 2, so as you can imagine I've finished for today, and I can’t help you. Be so kind and come tomorrow morning, at 8. But tomorrow morning I will be dead. You must help me now. The doctor, angrily says: I explained to you gently that I've finished my shift for today, and that I can't do nothing for you. You must pass here tomorrow. But, until tomorrow I will lose all my blood, and I will be dead. Don’t you see that I have a knife in the back. The doctor, already very angry and irritate extracts the knife from the back, and put it in the patients’ eye. Now you can go to ophthalmologist, he works till 3 PM.
How do you get 100 babies into a bucket? With a blender!
How long does it take a black lady to shit? About 9 months.
Why did the little girl fall off of her bike? Because she didn't have any arms.
A woman is speaking to her friend, ‘My husband has got one foot in the grate.’ ‘Don’t you mean one foot in the “grave”?’ says the friend. ‘No,’ replies the woman. ‘He wants to be cremated.’
What does a skeleton say when he wants to eat? Bone appetit!
Which is the only day you you are safe in a cannibal village? Sitter days (when they eat the baby-sitter instead)!