What is the difference between turkey and mother-in-law? There is no difference: both are the best when they are cold on the table.
Doctor to patient: "Why are you nervous?" Patient: "Because this is the first item I am going to have An operation." Doctor: "But I am not nervous though this is going to be my first operation."
Q: What has 2 arms, 3 legs, and 4 feet? A: The finish line at the Boston Marathon.
Europe to Iceland: Why did you send us volcanic ash? Our airspace has shut down. Iceland: What? That's what you asked for isn't it? Europe: NO! We said cash! CASH! Iceland: Woooops...
How long does it take a black lady to shit? About 9 months.
Q: What was so bad about being a black Jew? A: You had to sit in the back of the oven.
Good news, I've been given a goldfish for my birthday... The bad news is that I don't get the bowl until my next birthday!
Johny went to the butchery, because he wanted to buy a little brain, so he has asked the saleswoman: "have you got a little brain?" The saleswoman has said: "yes, we have." Johny has asked her: "and is the little brain still fresh?" The saleswoman has said: "yes, yesterday he has successfully solved the crossword puzzles."
Little Johnny was in Maths class when his teacher asked him: "Johnny, if your Mother had to repay a loan of $100,000, and you gave her $50,000, what would she need to repay the loan?" Johnny replied, "To repay the loan? $50,000 more. To stay alive? CPR."
Q: How do you make a dog go ‘miaow’? A: Freeze it in liquid nitrogen, and run it through a bandsaw…