What's red, bubbly, and scratches at the window before exploding? A baby in a microwave.
What is the difference between turkey and mother-in-law? There is no difference: both are the best when they are cold on the table.
Doctor to patient: "Why are you nervous?" Patient: "Because this is the first item I am going to have An operation." Doctor: "But I am not nervous though this is going to be my first operation."
Q: What has 2 arms, 3 legs, and 4 feet? A: The finish line at the Boston Marathon.
Europe to Iceland: Why did you send us volcanic ash? Our airspace has shut down. Iceland: What? That's what you asked for isn't it? Europe: NO! We said cash! CASH! Iceland: Woooops...
What's the difference betwee Elton John and Princess Diana ? One's composing, the other is decomposing.
Good news, I've been given a goldfish for my birthday... The bad news is that I don't get the bowl until my next birthday!
Little Johnny was in Maths class when his teacher asked him: "Johnny, if your Mother had to repay a loan of $100,000, and you gave her $50,000, what would she need to repay the loan?" Johnny replied, "To repay the loan? $50,000 more. To stay alive? CPR."
Q: How do you make a dog go ‘miaow’? A: Freeze it in liquid nitrogen, and run it through a bandsaw…
It is genetically pre-recorded in men’s brain to look for a women, which is alike his mother – said Mr. John to the judge at the court, where he was being blamed for raping his sister.