Hitler got a heart attack when he saw the gas bill.
Why did Hitler go to the eye doctor? Because he can Nazi.
Granny congratulates Johny to his birthday and tells him: "May you live so many years, how many steps you made to the church during these years!" Suddenly appears the Death and tells Johny: "Have you heard your Granny's wish? So, pack up your suitcases, tomorrow you'll finally go with me, mac! Those 4 steps will not save ya!"
My dad died on 9-11. He was the best amateur bomber on Iraq's flight team.
Noticing a mistake in St. Peter's roster, God calls Satan; "It seems you accidentally received some of my professionals down there: a teacher, a doctor and a farmer." "Yeah," Satan replies. "All the more for me!" God replies, "You better send them up here immediately." Satan says, "No way. I'm keeping them." God says, "Send them up here, or I'll sue the horns right off you." Satan laughs uproariously, "Yeah, right. And just where are YOU going to get a lawyer?"
Q: What's the only thing faster than a black man running away with your TV? A: His son running away with your VCR.
How many babies does it take to paint a house? Depends how hard you throw them.
Q: What is the difference between Michael Phelps and Adolf Hitler? A: Michael Phelps can finish a race.
How are babies and the elderly alike? Both are fun to throw out of moving cars.
What's the difference betwee Elton John and Princess Diana ? One's composing, the other is decomposing.