How many babies does it take to paint a house? Depends how hard you throw them.
What's the difference between an apple and a black man? None! They both hang from trees.
Why was the cannibal looking peeky? Because he had just eaten a Chinese dog!
Q: What is the difference between Michael Phelps and Adolf Hitler? A: Michael Phelps can finish a race.
Q: What's the slowest thing on 80 wheels? A: A Mexican funeral with only two sets of jumper cables.
They say that if I don't support transgender rights I'm on the wrong side of history. At least I'm on the right side of the firing squad.
Knock Knock Whose there? 9/11 9/11 who? I thought you said you would never forget.
Q: What's the difference between Auschwitz and Sarajevo? A: At least they had gas in Auschwitz.
"I'm going to ask for your daughter's hand in marriage. But it is just a formality." "Who told you that?" "Gynecologist."
Noticing a mistake in St. Peter's roster, God calls Satan; "It seems you accidentally received some of my professionals down there: a teacher, a doctor and a farmer." "Yeah," Satan replies. "All the more for me!" God replies, "You better send them up here immediately." Satan says, "No way. I'm keeping them." God says, "Send them up here, or I'll sue the horns right off you." Satan laughs uproariously, "Yeah, right. And just where are YOU going to get a lawyer?"