The best black humor jokes

One man enters in an ambulant and says to the doctor: Help me, please. I have a knife in my back. The doctor, looking his watch says: Now is 2:20 PM, and I work till 2, so as you can imagine I've finished for today, and I can’t help you. Be so kind and come tomorrow morning, at 8. But tomorrow morning I will be dead. You must help me now. The doctor, angrily says: I explained to you gently that I've finished my shift for today, and that I can't do nothing for you. You must pass here tomorrow. But, until tomorrow I will lose all my blood, and I will be dead. Don’t you see that I have a knife in the back. The doctor, already very angry and irritate extracts the knife from the back, and put it in the patients’ eye. Now you can go to ophthalmologist, he works till 3 PM.
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Always go to other people’s funerals, or they won’t go to yours.
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How do you get 100 babies into a bucket? With a blender!
Vote: has 42.61 % from 14 votes. Send joke:

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What do you buy a dead baby for its birthday? A dead puppy!
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More jokes about: birthday, black humor, dead baby, dog, morbid
A woman is speaking to her friend, ‘My husband has got one foot in the grate.’ ‘Don’t you mean one foot in the “grave”?’ says the friend. ‘No,’ replies the woman. ‘He wants to be cremated.’
Vote: has 42.03 % from 18 votes. Send joke:

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Hitler is daddy! Hump me! Fuck me! Daddy better gas them Jews. My gas chambers love the smoke. G-g-gas the Jews.
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More jokes about: black humor, Hitler, jewish, morbid
What does a skeleton say when he wants to eat? Bone appetit!
Vote: has 41.91 % from 20 votes. Send joke:

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Only nowadays there appeared a possibility to realize yourselfe: sell your liver, kidneis, skeleton...
Vote: has 41.82 % from 24 votes. Send joke:

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What is the differance between a dead baby and a VHS tape? The VHS tape don't stink when you leave it out in the sun.
Vote: has 40.93 % from 39 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black humor, dead baby, disgusting, morbid
What's red and crawls up your leg? A homesick miscarriage.
Vote: has 40.67 % from 35 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black humor