A blonde comes home from a day of shopping and discovers that her house is on fire, so she calls the fire department on her cell phone. "Please state the nature of your emergency," says the operator. "Help! My house is on fire!" the blonde replies. "Okay, where do you live?" "In a house you silly billy!" the blonde replies. "No,no! How do we get there?" the operator asks frustratedly. "Duh! Big Red Truck!!"
Dustin and Jane (both blonde) were delighted when finally their long wait to adopt a baby had come to an end. The adoption center called and told them they had a wonderful Russian baby boy, and the couple took him without hesitation. On the way home from the adoption center, they stopped by the local college so they each could enroll in night courses. After they filled out the form, the registration clerk inquired, “What ever possessed you to study Russian?” The couple said proudly, “We just adopted a Russian baby and in a year or so he’ll start to talk. We just want to be able to understand him.”
The blonde walks into a drugstore and asks the pharmacist for some bottom deodorant. The pharmacist, a little bemused, explains to the woman that they don't sell anything called bottom deodorant, and never have. Unfazed, the blonde assures him that she has been buying the stuff from this store on a regular basis, and would like some more. "I'm sorry," says the pharmacist, "we don't have any." "But I always get it here," says the blonde. "Do you have the container it comes in?" "Yes!" says the blonde, "I will go and get it." She returns with the container and hands it to the pharmacist, who looks at it and says to her, "This is just a normal stick of underarm deodorant." The annoyed blonde snatches the container back and reads out loud from the container: "To apply, push up bottom."
On day a redhead, a brunette, and a blonde were on their way to heaven. God told them the stairs to heaven were 1,000 steps and on every step he was going to tell them a joke. If they laughed they would not be able to get to heaven. So the redhead made it to the 45th step and laughed. The brunette made it to the 200th step and laughed. But the blonde made it to the 999th step and laughed even before god told his joke. God asked "Why did you laugh I haven't even told the joke yet" The blonde said "I know I just now got the first one!!!"
A mathematician, a philosopher, and a blonde all go to Hell and receive a challenge from the Devil - if they can stump him, they're free to go to heaven instead. The philosopher goes first and asks the Devil a very hard philosophy question - to which the Devil snaps his fingers, gets a book, and gives the answer. The mathematician tries as well - but the Devil instantly gets the answer. When it comes to the blonde, she pulls up a chair and drills three holes in it. She then sits down in the chair and farts. "Now," she says, "which hole did the fart come out of?" "That's easy," says the Devil. "All of them." "No, stupid! It came out of my butthole!"
A brunette who really hated blondes was walking through the desert when she came across a magic lamp. After rubbing the lamp the genie told her that she got three wishes with one catch: All the blondes in the world would get twice whatever she asked for. So the brunette thought a while and then wished for a million dollars. "Every blonde in the world will get two million." The brunette said that was fine and then she asked for an incredibly handsome man. Every blonde in the world will get two incredibly handsome men. The brunette said that was fine too and the genie granted her wishes. "Now for your third wish." said the genie. "See that stick over there?", asked the brunette, "I want you to beat me half to death with it."
A pretty young blonde visiting her new doctor for the first time found herself alone in a small waiting room. She began undressing nervously, preparing herself for the upcoming examination. Just as she draped the last of her garments over the back of a chair, a light rap sounded on the door and a young doctor strode in. Coming to an abrupt halt, the doctor looked his nude patient up and down carefully and with considerable appreciation. "Miss Smith," he said finally, "it seems quite obvious to me that until today you have never undergone an eye examination."
A blonde was driving down the motorway when her car phone rang. It was her husband, urgently warning her, “Honey, I just heard on the news that there’s a car going the wrong way on the M25. Please be careful!” “It’s not just one car!” said the blonde. “There’s f*ck*ng hundreds of them!”
An Australian guy walks into a bar with a crocodile under his arm. He asks the bartender if he will give him free drinks if he shows he can put his penis inside the crocs mouth for 15 seconds without it getting bit off. The bartender agrees. The guy opens the crocs mouth and puts his penis inside it; the croc gently closes his mouth and after 15 seconds the Australian hits him over the head with a bottle, causing the croc to open his mouth and let the guy withdraw his penis. The bartender starts serving the free drinks to the Austr alian and then tells everyone in the bar "If anyone else can do that then I will give them free drinks also". There is a pause and then a blonde woman calls out "ok, I will do it but please don't hit me so hard over my head with the bottle".
There was a competition between a team of blondes and a team of brunettes to see who could catch the most fish icefishing. Once the contest started, it was clear that the brunettes were going to win...they kept pulling out fish after fish. Soon, the blondes got worried and sent over one of their team to see what the brunettes were doing differently. A few minutes later, the blonde comes running back. "A hole! You need to put a hole in the ice!"