The best car jokes

After the baby was baptized, her four-year-old brother was crying inconsolably in the back seat of the car. "What’s the matter Johnny?" asked his concerned mother. Johnny replied: "That man said that he hoped our baby would be raised in a good Christian home… I just want her to stay with you guys."
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has 70.78 % from 132 votes. More jokes about: baby, car, christian, little Johnny
Q: How many people can you fit in one Honda? A: Well, the Bible said that all 12 disciples were in one Accord.
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has 70.70 % from 40 votes. More jokes about: bible, car, catholic
What do you get when you cross a Mexican with an Asian? A car thief that can't drive.
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has 69.82 % from 316 votes. More jokes about: asian, car, mexican, racist
A woman came home, screeching her car into the driveway, and ran into the house. She slammed the door and shouted excitedly, "Honey, pack your bags. I won the lottery!" The husband said, "Oh my God! What should I pack, beach stuff or mountain stuff?" "Doesn't matter," she said, "Just get out."
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has 69.78 % from 691 votes. More jokes about: car, god, marriage, money, women
I do two hours of cardio every day. But I still need to find the closest parking spot to the gym.
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has 68.80 % from 25 votes. More jokes about: car, fitness, gym, time
A guy is driving his car and finds a friend crying, sitting on the road. He stops. And he asks him: - Hey, What happens to you? - (crying) Look! and he points a crashed car. - Well, don't care and buy another car. - Look inside the car! - Well, don't care and get another blonde, and that's all. - Look inside her mouth!!!
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has 68.69 % from 342 votes. More jokes about: blonde, car, money, sex
Two strangers meet on a golf course and decide to play together. One man says, "I'm a salesman. What about you?" "I'm a hit man for the mob," replies the second man. He pulls out a high powered rifle loaded with scopes and sights. He then asks the man where he lives. Nervously, the first man replies, "In a subdivision just west of here. Gray roof, yellow siding." "You got a silver compact and a red pickup?" "The compact is my wife's car, but that's my buddy Jeff's truck." The hit man looks through the scope again. "Well, they're going at it like teenagers in your bedroom." "I want you to shoot her in the head and shoot him in the balls." The hit man says, "I get paid $5,000 per shot." "I don't care! Just do it!" The hit man takes careful aim and says, "This is your lucky day. You're going to get a two for one!"
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has 68.56 % from 33 votes. More jokes about: car, golf, men, money, wife
This guy dies and his wife gets him cremated. She takes the ashes home and lays them out on the table and starts talking to them. "You know that fur coat you promised me? I bought it with the insurance money. You know the new car you promised me? I bought it with the insurance money." Then she whispers, "You know that blowjob I promised you? Well, here it comes..."
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has 68.50 % from 60 votes. More jokes about: car, death, dirty, money, wife
Much controversy surrounds Area 51, which is also known as Chuck Norris's playground. Those flying saucers are similar to our model cars and planes.
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has 68.45 % from 16 votes. More jokes about: car, Chuck Norris
This little snail bought a little car and took it to the body shop to have it painted. The service man asked him exactly what he wanted done, and the snail said he wanted little's s painted all around and all over his car. The service man asked him why, and the snail answered "When people see me in my car I want them to say, look at that S-Car-Go!"
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has 68.45 % from 16 votes. More jokes about: animal, car
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