The best car jokes

Chuck Norris inflated a flat school bus tire, with his lungs.
Vote: has 70.01 % from 17 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: car, Chuck Norris
"Are you two twins?" "No, why do you ask?" "Because mommy dressed you both in the same clothes." "OK that's enough, your driver's license please."
Vote: has 70.01 % from 17 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: car, communication, cop, driving, family
What do you get when you cross a Mexican with an Asian? A car thief that can't drive.
Vote: has 69.98 % from 307 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: asian, car, mexican, racist
A police chief, a fire chief, and a city attorney were traveling together by car to a municipal management conference in a distant city. Their car broke down in a rural area, and they were forced to seek shelter for the night at a nearby farmhouse. The farmer welcomed them in but cautioned them that there were only two spare beds and that one of them would have to sleep in the barn with the farm animals. After a short conference, the police chief agreed to take the barn. Shortly after retiring, a knock was heard on the door of the farmhouse. The party inside answered to find the police chief standing there, complaining that he could not sleep. There were pigs in the barn, he said, and he was reminded of the days when everyone called him a pig. The fire chief then volunteered to exchange with the police chief. A short time later, another knock was heard at the door. The fire chief complained that the cows in the barn reminded him of Mrs. O'Leary's cow that started the Chicago fire, and that every time he started to go to sleep, he started to have a fireman's worst nightmare, that of burning to death. The city attorney, in desperation for sleep, then agreed to sleep in the barn. This seemed like a good idea until a few minutes later, when another knock was heard at the door. When the occupants answered the door, there stood the very indignant cows and pigs.
Vote: has 69.86 % from 26 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: car, cop, lawyer, party, time
A woman came home, screeching her car into the driveway, and ran into the house. She slammed the door and shouted excitedly, "Honey, pack your bags. I won the lottery!" The husband said, "Oh my God! What should I pack, beach stuff or mountain stuff?" "Doesn't matter," she said, "Just get out."
Vote: has 69.74 % from 690 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: car, god, marriage, money, women
Chuck Norris doesn't need his seatbelt becouse no one is stupid enough to hit him.
Vote: has 69.55 % from 30 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: car, Chuck Norris, stupid
A guy walks into an auto shop and says, "I'd like a gas cap for my KIA." The car mechanic thinks for a few seconds then says, "Ok, that seems like a fair trade."
Vote: has 69.39 % from 34 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: car, mechanic
Guy gets pulled over in his car by a pair of dudes in balaclavas, pointing guns in his face. Terrorist (menacing voice): "Are you a Catholic or a Protestant?" Driver, panicking, doesn't know which answer will save his life, has a bright idea. Driver: "Neither, actually. In fact I'm Jewish." Terrorist shouts to other terrorist: "Fucking hell Abdul, we've got one at last!"
Vote: has 69.23 % from 114 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: car, jewish, life, religious, terrorist
Guy takes his wife to the Doctor... The Doc says, "Well, it's either Alzheimers disease or AIDS." "What do you mean?" The guy says, "You can't tell the difference?" "Yeah, the two look a lot alike in the early stages... Tell you what.. Drive her way out into the country, kick her out of the car, and if she finds her way back, don't fuck her."
Vote: has 68.77 % from 105 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: car, disgusting, doctor, wife
A guy is driving his car and finds a friend crying, sitting on the road. He stops. And he asks him: - Hey, What happens to you? - (crying) Look! and he points a crashed car. - Well, don't care and buy another car. - Look inside the car! - Well, don't care and get another blonde, and that's all. - Look inside her mouth!!!
Vote: has 68.61 % from 341 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: blonde, car, money, sex


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