The best car jokes

A new man is brought into Prison Cell 102. Already there is a long-time resident who looks 100 years old. The new man looks at the old-timer inquiringly. The old-timer says, "Look at me. I'm old and worn out. You'd never believe that I used to live the life of Riley. I wintered on the Riviera, had a boat, four fine cars, the most beautiful women, and I ate in all the best restaurants of France." The new man asked, "What happened?" "One day Riley reported his credit cards missing!"
Vote: has 68.38 % from 56 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: age, car, life, prison, women
It's a really hot day and this penguin is having car trouble, so he takes it into a garage. The penguin asks, "How long will it be?" The mechanic says, "Just a few minutes." So the penguin decides to go get an ice cream at the grocery store across the street. When the penguin gets there he climbs inside the big freezer door and starts to eat ice cream. Three hours go by before the penguin looks at his watch and jumps out of the freezer and races back to the garage. With ice cream all over his face and his stomach he says, "So, how's my car?" The mechanic comes walking out wiping his hands on a rag and says, "Looks like you blew a seal." The penguin says, "No, no, no, I was just eating ice cream."
Vote: has 67.88 % from 20 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, car, disgusting, mechanic, time
Chuck Norris doesn't need his seatbelt becouse no one is stupid enough to hit him.
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More jokes about: car, Chuck Norris, stupid
Why do ghetto people always name their kids things they cant afford like Diamond, Mercedes, Car Insurance?
Vote: has 67.84 % from 66 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black people, car, kids, racist
Chuck Norris can make a rap video without booties and cars.
Vote: has 67.81 % from 11 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: car, Chuck Norris, music
Santa rides in a sleigh. What do elves ride in? Mini vans!
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More jokes about: car, elf, Santa, travel
Trafic policeman: "Didn't you hear my whistle, madam?" Woman driver: "Yes, but I don't like flirting while I'm driving."
Vote: has 67.69 % from 32 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: car, cop, flirt, women
A man was speeding down a Alabama highway, feeling secure in a gaggle of cars all traveling at the same speed. However, as they passed a speed trap, he got nailed with an infrared speed detector and was pulled over. The officer handed him the citation, received his signature and was about to walk away when the man asked, "Officer, I know I was speeding, but I don't think it's fair - there were plenty of other cars around me who were going just as fast, so why did I get the ticket?" "Ever go a fishin'?" the policeman suddenly asked the man. "Ummm, yeah..." the startled man replied. The officer grinned and added, "Did you ever catch 'em all?"
Vote: has 67.64 % from 28 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: car, cop, fish
A blonde wanted to sell her car, but couldn't find any buyers. She called her friend for advice, and her friend asked her how many miles she had on her car. "235,000 miles." Her friend told her that was the problem. But the blonde's friend told her that her brother is a mechanic and could put back the miles to whatever she wanted. So the blonde went to the mechanic and told him to put the miles at 40,000. Two days later the blond's friend asked her if she sold the car since her brother dropped the miles. The blonde told her, "Why would I sell the car? There are only 40,000 miles on it!"
Vote: has 67.64 % from 28 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: blonde, car, stupid
I walked out of the store and saw a car full of black people lock their car doors i felt pretty badass until i realized it was my car.
Vote: has 67.57 % from 69 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black people, car, racist