The best car jokes

A guy who had a little too much to drink is driving home from the city one night and, of course, his car is weaving violently all over the road. A cop pulls him over. "So," says the cop to the driver, "Where have you been?" "Why, I've been to the pub of course," slurs the drunk. "Well," says the cop, "It looks like you've had quite a few drinks this evening." "I did all right," the drunk says with a smile. "Did you know," says the cop, standing straight and folding his arms across his chest, "That a few intersections back, your wife fell out of your car?" "Oh, thank heavens," sighs the drunk. "For a minute there, I thought I'd gone deaf."
Vote: has 66.46 % from 23 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: alcohol, car, cop, drunk, wife
Chuck Norris doesn't worry about high gas prices. His vehicles run on fear.
Vote: has 66.46 % from 23 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: car, Chuck Norris, money
Chuck Norris once gave a fire hydrant a ticket for being next to his parked car.
Vote: has 66.45 % from 19 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: car, Chuck Norris
Q: What do you call four Blondes in a Volkswagon? A: Far-from-thinkin.
Vote: has 66.45 % from 19 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: blonde, car
Q: What do you call a white guy who needs to go somewhere across town but does not own an automobile? A: A taxi.
Vote: has 66.20 % from 641 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: black people, car, white people, work
Q: Why do more niggers get hit by cars in the winter? A: They're easier to spot.
Vote: has 66.19 % from 230 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: black people, car, racist, vulgar, winter
Q: How was break dancing invented? A: Little black kids stealing hub caps off of moving cars.
Vote: has 65.93 % from 99 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: black people, car, insulting, kids, mean
What happened to the chinese man who walked into a wall with a boner? He smashed his his nose. Whats the Diffenence between kinky and perverted? Kinky is when you tickle your girl friends ass with a feather. Perverted is when you use the whole chicken... A girl went into a doctors office with a Strawberry up her ass, The doctor said I've got some "Cream" For that. Why was the washing machine laughing? Because it was taking the piss out the underpants. What do you do with a years worth of used condoms? Melt them, turn them into tire and call it a goodyear. What's the difference between a penis and a bonus? Your wife will always blow your bonus! A man goes to a fancy dress party wearing nothing but a jamjar on his cock. A lady asks "What are you dressed as?" He says a fireman! You break the glass, pull the knob and I'll cum as fast as I can. One night a policewoman pulls over a drunk driver. She politely asks him to step out of his car. He willingly does so. She says, "Anything you say can and will be Held against you." He replies "BREASTS."
Vote: has 65.91 % from 41 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: alcohol, car, doctor, sex
A man walks into the street and manages to get a taxi just going by. He gets in, and the cabbie says, "Perfect timing. You're just like Frank." The passenger asks "Who?"  The cabbie says "Frank Feldman. There's a guy who did everything right. Like my coming along when you needed a cab. It would have happened like that to Frank every single time." Passenger: "Yeah. But there are always a few clouds over everybody."  Cabbie says "Not Frank. He was a terrific athlete. He could have won the Grand-Slam at tennis. He could golf with the pros. He sang like an opera baritone, danced like a Broadway star, and you should have heard him play the piano." The passenger replies "Sounds like he was something really special"  Cab driver responds "There's more... he had a mind like a computer. Could remember everybody's birthday. He knew all about wine, which foods to order and which fork to eat with. He could fix anything. Not like me. I change a fuse, and the whole street blacks out." Passenger: "Wow, some incredible guy"  The cabbie goes "He always knew the quickest way to go in traffic and avoid traffic jams, not like me. I always seem to get stuck in them." "Passenger: "Mmm, there's not many like him around."  Cabbie: "And he knew how to treat a woman and make her feel good. And he's never answer her back even if she was in the wrong; and his clothing was always immaculate, shoes highly polished too." Passenger: "An amazing fellow. How did you meet him?"  Cabbie: "Well, I never actually met Frank." Passenger: "Then how do you know so much about him?" Cabbie: "I married his fucking widow..."
Vote: has 65.80 % from 82 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: car, computer, golf, marriage, time
Two blondes lock their keys in the car. One of the blondes tries to break into the car while the the other one watches. Finally the first blonde says "Darn, I can't get in the car!" The other blond replies, "keep trying, it looks like it is going to rain and the top is down".
Vote: has 65.67 % from 85 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: blonde, car, weather


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