The best car jokes

"Are you two twins?" "No, why do you ask?" "Because mommy dressed you both in the same clothes." "OK that's enough, your driver's license please."
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has 66.45 % from 19 votes. More jokes about: car, communication, cop, driving, family
Q: Why do more niggers get hit by cars in the winter? A: They're easier to spot.
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has 66.27 % from 237 votes. More jokes about: black people, car, racist, vulgar, winter
Q: What do you call a white guy who needs to go somewhere across town but does not own an automobile? A: A taxi.
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has 66.20 % from 644 votes. More jokes about: black people, car, white people, work
Guy gets pulled over in his car by a pair of dudes in balaclavas, pointing guns in his face. Terrorist (menacing voice): "Are you a Catholic or a Protestant?" Driver, panicking, doesn't know which answer will save his life, has a bright idea. Driver: "Neither, actually. In fact I'm Jewish." Terrorist shouts to other terrorist: "Fucking hell Abdul, we've got one at last!"
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has 66.17 % from 123 votes. More jokes about: car, jewish, life, religious, terrorist
Q: How was break dancing invented? A: Little black kids stealing hub caps off of moving cars.
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has 66.14 % from 103 votes. More jokes about: black people, car, insulting, kids, mean
A guy goes into a bar and sits down next to a guy who's obviously been drinking for a while. The drunk gets up from his stool to go to the bathroom and falls down 3 times. The guy says to himself "I'll help this guy get home safely" and helps him out to his car The guy falls down five more times. He drives him up to the address on his license, takes him up to the door. The guy falls down 8 times on the way...and rings the bell. A lady answers the door and says "Oh how nice, you brought home Harry. But what did you do with his wheelchair?"
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has 66.10 % from 34 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, bar, car, drunk
Two blondes lock their keys in the car. One of the blondes tries to break into the car while the the other one watches. Finally the first blonde says "Darn, I can't get in the car!" The other blond replies, "keep trying, it looks like it is going to rain and the top is down".
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has 66.04 % from 86 votes. More jokes about: blonde, car, weather
A man walks into the street and manages to get a taxi just going by. He gets in, and the cabbie says, "Perfect timing. You're just like Frank." The passenger asks "Who?"  The cabbie says "Frank Feldman. There's a guy who did everything right. Like my coming along when you needed a cab. It would have happened like that to Frank every single time." Passenger: "Yeah. But there are always a few clouds over everybody."  Cabbie says "Not Frank. He was a terrific athlete. He could have won the Grand-Slam at tennis. He could golf with the pros. He sang like an opera baritone, danced like a Broadway star, and you should have heard him play the piano." The passenger replies "Sounds like he was something really special"  Cab driver responds "There's more... he had a mind like a computer. Could remember everybody's birthday. He knew all about wine, which foods to order and which fork to eat with. He could fix anything. Not like me. I change a fuse, and the whole street blacks out." Passenger: "Wow, some incredible guy"  The cabbie goes "He always knew the quickest way to go in traffic and avoid traffic jams, not like me. I always seem to get stuck in them." "Passenger: "Mmm, there's not many like him around."  Cabbie: "And he knew how to treat a woman and make her feel good. And he's never answer her back even if she was in the wrong; and his clothing was always immaculate, shoes highly polished too." Passenger: "An amazing fellow. How did you meet him?"  Cabbie: "Well, I never actually met Frank." Passenger: "Then how do you know so much about him?" Cabbie: "I married his fucking widow..."
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has 65.80 % from 82 votes. More jokes about: car, computer, golf, marriage, time
A blonde pushes her BMW into the gas station and tells the mechanic that it died. After working on it for a few minutes, he has it idling smoothly. "What's the story?" she asked. "Just crap in the carburator," the mechanic replied. "How often do I have to do that?" asked the blonde.
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has 65.80 % from 30 votes. More jokes about: blonde, car, mechanic, stupid
The man was in no shape to drive, so he wisely left his car parked and walked home. As he was walking unsteadily along, he was stopped by a policeman. "What are you doing out here at 2 A.M.?" said the officer. "I'm going to a lecture." the man said. "And who is going to give a lecture at this hour?" the cop asked. "My wife." said the man.
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has 65.57 % from 37 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, car, cop, time, wife
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