The best car jokes

"My wife drives like thunder." "So fast?" "No, every minute she strikes a tree."
has 67.68 % from 24 votes. More jokes about: car, time, travel, wife
What do you call a mexican who's lost his car? Carlos.
has 67.31 % from 54 votes. More jokes about: car, mexican, racist
Contrary to popular belief, Chuck Norris, not the box jellyfish of northern Australia, is the most venomous creature on earth. Within 3 minutes of being bitten, a human being experiences the following symptoms: fever, blurred vision, beard rash, tightness of the jeans, and the feeling of being repeatedly kicked through a car windshield.
has 67.15 % from 39 votes. More jokes about: animal, car, Chuck Norris, time
Yesterday I accidentally hit a little kid with my car. It wasn't serious — nobody saw me.
has 66.90 % from 78 votes. More jokes about: black humor, car, kids
"I can't decide whether to buy a bicycle or a cow for my farm." "Well, wouldn't you look silly riding a cow?" "I d look a darn sight sillier trying to milk a bicycle!"
has 66.77 % from 31 votes. More jokes about: animal, car
The economy got very bad in 2008. I saw a pimp driving a beat up old Volkswagon.
has 66.71 % from 15 votes. More jokes about: car, driving, money, time
A blonde wanted to sell her car, but couldn't find any buyers. She called her friend for advice, and her friend asked her how many miles she had on her car. "235,000 miles." Her friend told her that was the problem. But the blonde's friend told her that her brother is a mechanic and could put back the miles to whatever she wanted. So the blonde went to the mechanic and told him to put the miles at 40,000. Two days later the blond's friend asked her if she sold the car since her brother dropped the miles. The blonde told her, "Why would I sell the car? There are only 40,000 miles on it!"
has 66.64 % from 42 votes. More jokes about: blonde, car, stupid
A guy who had a little too much to drink is driving home from the city one night and, of course, his car is weaving violently all over the road. A cop pulls him over. "So," says the cop to the driver, "Where have you been?" "Why, I've been to the pub of course," slurs the drunk. "Well," says the cop, "It looks like you've had quite a few drinks this evening." "I did all right," the drunk says with a smile. "Did you know," says the cop, standing straight and folding his arms across his chest, "That a few intersections back, your wife fell out of your car?" "Oh, thank heavens," sighs the drunk. "For a minute there, I thought I'd gone deaf."
has 66.46 % from 23 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, car, cop, drunk, wife
Chuck Norris doesn't worry about high gas prices. His vehicles run on fear.
has 66.46 % from 23 votes. More jokes about: car, Chuck Norris, money
Chuck Norris once gave a fire hydrant a ticket for being next to his parked car.
has 66.45 % from 19 votes. More jokes about: car, Chuck Norris
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