The best car jokes

"Excuse me, how do I get to the hospital quickly?" "Just stand in the middle of the road for a while."
Vote:
has 64.52 % from 46 votes. More jokes about: black humor, car, hospital, time
Why do ghetto people always name their kids things they cant afford like Diamond, Mercedes, Car Insurance?
Vote:
has 64.39 % from 227 votes. More jokes about: black people, car, kids, racist
The man was in no shape to drive, so he wisely left his car parked and walked home. As he was walking unsteadily along, he was stopped by a policeman. "What are you doing out here at 2 A.M.?" said the officer. "I'm going to a lecture." the man said. "And who is going to give a lecture at this hour?" the cop asked. "My wife." said the man.
Vote:
has 64.34 % from 39 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, car, cop, time, wife
One day a Georgia state patrolman pulled a car over for speeding about 20 miles from the Florida line on I-95. When the officer asked the driver why he was speeding, the driver answered that he was a magician and juggler and was on his way to Jacksonville to do a show that night and didn't want to be late. The patrolman told the driver that he was fascinated by juggling and if the driver would do a little juggling for him that he wouldn't give him a ticket. The juggler told him that he had sent all of his equipment on ahead and didn't have anything to juggle. The patrolman told him that he had some flares in the trunk of his car and asked if he could juggle them. The juggler said he could, so the patrolman got three flares, lit them and handed them to the juggler. While the man was doing his juggling act, a car pulled up behind the patrol car and a drunk got out and looked at the show, and then went to the patrol car, opened the back door and got in. The patrolman saw him do this and went over to his car, opened the door and asked the drunk what he thought he was doing. The drunk replied, "Just go on and take me to jail..... there's no way in the world that I can pass that test.
Vote:
has 64.28 % from 25 votes. More jokes about: car, cop
Yo' Mama is so fat, she gets her nails done at the auto shop.
Vote:
has 64.23 % from 32 votes. More jokes about: car, fat, insulting, Yo mama
A blonde pushes her BMW into the gas station and tells the mechanic that it died. After working on it for a few minutes, he has it idling smoothly. "What's the story?" she asked. "Just crap in the carburator," the mechanic replied. "How often do I have to do that?" asked the blonde.
Vote:
has 64.09 % from 65 votes. More jokes about: blonde, car, mechanic, stupid
I'm going to watch my wedding video later "backwards". I love the end bit when she takes the ring off, goes back down the aisle and jumps in the car.
Vote:
has 64.07 % from 341 votes. More jokes about: car, love, marriage, wedding
Guy gets pulled over in his car by a pair of dudes in balaclavas, pointing guns in his face. Terrorist (menacing voice): "Are you a Catholic or a Protestant?" Driver, panicking, doesn't know which answer will save his life, has a bright idea. Driver: "Neither, actually. In fact I'm Jewish." Terrorist shouts to other terrorist: "Fucking hell Abdul, we've got one at last!"
Vote:
has 63.94 % from 185 votes. More jokes about: car, jewish, life, religious, terrorist
Two blondes were in a parking lot trying to unlock the door of their car with a coat hanger. First Blonde: "I can't seem to get this door unlocked!"  Second Blonde: "Well you better hurry up. It's starting to rain and the top is down!"
Vote:
has 63.75 % from 21 votes. More jokes about: blonde, car
"My wife drives like thunder." "So fast?" "No, every minute she strikes a tree."
Vote:
has 63.66 % from 28 votes. More jokes about: car, time, travel, wife
<<<20212223
More jokes →
Page 20 of 40.