The best car jokes

"I can't decide whether to buy a bicycle or a cow for my farm." "Well, wouldn't you look silly riding a cow?" "I d look a darn sight sillier trying to milk a bicycle!"
Vote: has 66.77 % from 31 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, car
A Pontiac takes examinations for the driver’s licence for the fourth year in a row. The examiner asks him "So, you’re running on the street. You have a mountain on your right and there’s a cliff on your left. There are two women in your way; the one young and the other an old woman. Which one are you going to hit?" "Of course the old woman!" The examinet frustrated "I told you last year! You hit the brakes!"
Vote: has 66.71 % from 15 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: age, car, life, old people, women
Yo' Mama is so fat, she gets her nails done at the auto shop.
Vote: has 66.46 % from 23 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: car, fat, insulting, Yo mama
"My wife drives like thunder." "So fast?" "No, every minute she strikes a tree."
Vote: has 66.46 % from 23 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: car, time, travel, wife
Pritam is driving down the Delhi-Amritsar highway when he spots his friend Shankar standing in the middle of a huge field of grass. He pulls the car over to the side of the road and notices that Shankar is just standing there, doing nothing, looking at nothing. Pritam gets out of the car, walks all the way out to Shankar and asks him, "Excuse me, what are you doing?" Shankar replies, "I'm trying to win a Nobel Prize." "How?" asks Pritam, puzzled. "Well, I heard they give the Noble Prize to people who are outstanding in their field."
Vote: has 66.46 % from 23 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: car, communication, driving, friendship, stupid
Chuck Norris once gave a fire hydrant a ticket for being next to his parked car.
Vote: has 66.45 % from 19 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: car, Chuck Norris
Q: Why is it good to have a Jewish car? A: It can stop on a dime, and pick it up for you too!
Vote: has 66.21 % from 45 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: car, jewish, life
Why do ghetto people always name their kids things they cant afford like Diamond, Mercedes, Car Insurance?
Vote: has 65.83 % from 102 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black people, car, kids, racist
The man was in no shape to drive, so he wisely left his car parked and walked home. As he was walking unsteadily along, he was stopped by a policeman. "What are you doing out here at 2 A.M.?" said the officer. "I'm going to a lecture." the man said. "And who is going to give a lecture at this hour?" the cop asked. "My wife." said the man.
Vote: has 65.57 % from 37 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: alcohol, car, cop, time, wife
A man walks into the street and manages to get a taxi just going by. He gets in, and the cabbie says, "Perfect timing. You're just like Frank." The passenger asks "Who?"  The cabbie says "Frank Feldman. There's a guy who did everything right. Like my coming along when you needed a cab. It would have happened like that to Frank every single time." Passenger: "Yeah. But there are always a few clouds over everybody."  Cabbie says "Not Frank. He was a terrific athlete. He could have won the Grand-Slam at tennis. He could golf with the pros. He sang like an opera baritone, danced like a Broadway star, and you should have heard him play the piano." The passenger replies "Sounds like he was something really special"  Cab driver responds "There's more... he had a mind like a computer. Could remember everybody's birthday. He knew all about wine, which foods to order and which fork to eat with. He could fix anything. Not like me. I change a fuse, and the whole street blacks out." Passenger: "Wow, some incredible guy"  The cabbie goes "He always knew the quickest way to go in traffic and avoid traffic jams, not like me. I always seem to get stuck in them." "Passenger: "Mmm, there's not many like him around."  Cabbie: "And he knew how to treat a woman and make her feel good. And he's never answer her back even if she was in the wrong; and his clothing was always immaculate, shoes highly polished too." Passenger: "An amazing fellow. How did you meet him?"  Cabbie: "Well, I never actually met Frank." Passenger: "Then how do you know so much about him?" Cabbie: "I married his fucking widow..."
Vote: has 65.53 % from 78 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: car, computer, golf, marriage, time