The best car jokes

It's a really hot day and this penguin is having car trouble, so he takes it into a garage. The penguin asks, "How long will it be?" The mechanic says, "Just a few minutes." So the penguin decides to go get an ice cream at the grocery store across the street. When the penguin gets there he climbs inside the big freezer door and starts to eat ice cream. Three hours go by before the penguin looks at his watch and jumps out of the freezer and races back to the garage. With ice cream all over his face and his stomach he says, "So, how's my car?" The mechanic comes walking out wiping his hands on a rag and says, "Looks like you blew a seal." The penguin says, "No, no, no, I was just eating ice cream."
has 65.57 % from 37 votes. More jokes about: animal, car, disgusting, mechanic, time
Caitlin Jenner and her chauffer were parked on a highway. When a policeman pulled up and asked "What's going on?" The driver said "I blew my tranny." The cop didn't know if he should arrest them for indecent exposure or call AAA.
has 65.48 % from 26 votes. More jokes about: car, cop, drug, travel
Chuck Norris can wipe rainwater from inside his car.
has 65.32 % from 10 votes. More jokes about: car, Chuck Norris, weather
Chuck Norris once threw out the first pitch at a NASCAR race.
has 65.16 % from 22 votes. More jokes about: car, Chuck Norris, sport
I walked out of the store and saw a car full of black people lock their car doors i felt pretty badass until i realized it was my car.
has 65.10 % from 119 votes. More jokes about: black people, car, racist
There's a black and a Mexican in a car, who's driving? The Cop
has 65.03 % from 604 votes. More jokes about: black people, car, cop, mexican, racist
Two lawyers had been life long friends: they were partners and shared everything, including their hot-blooded secretary. One day the secretary announced she was pregnant. They told her not to worry and assured her that they would pay all medical costs and would act as co-fathers when the child was born and provide all expenses thereafter. The day of delivery arrived. Both the lawyers were at the hospital pacing the floor in the waiting room. Finally one of them said, “I can’t take this, I’m going down to sit in my car and wait there. Please come down and tell me as soon as the child is born!” The partner agreed to do that. About an hour later the partner approached the car with a very grave look on his face. “What happened?” asked the waiting car occupant. The other partner announced, “They were twins and mine died!”
has 64.88 % from 18 votes. More jokes about: car, death, hospital, lawyer, life
Yo mama is so fat when she wears red they say look a firetruck.
has 64.88 % from 18 votes. More jokes about: car, fat, insulting, Yo mama
To run away from Chuck Norris man invented a car, then to catch them Chuck Norris invented crashes.
has 64.88 % from 18 votes. More jokes about: car, Chuck Norris
Yo Momma is so old that her bus pass is in hieroglyphics!
has 64.88 % from 18 votes. More jokes about: age, car, Yo mama
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