The best car jokes

A train saw Chuck Norris on the track and turned down a dirt road.
Vote: has 64.28 % from 25 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: car, Chuck Norris, travel
There are a number of mechanical devices which increase sexual arousal, particularly in women. Chief among these is the Mercedes-Benz 380SL convertible. Steve Martin
Vote: has 64.23 % from 94 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: car, sex, technology
A very successful lawyer parked his brand new Lexus in front of the office, ready to show it off to his colleagues. As he opened the door a truck came roaring past and completely tore off the driver’s door of the Lexus. The lawyer immediately grabbed his cell phone and dialed 911. When a policeman arrived, the lawyer was still screaming hysterically. His Lexus, which he had just picked up the day before, was now completely ruined and would never be the same, no matter how the body shop tried to make it new again. After the lawyer finally wound down from his ranting, the cop shook his head in disgust. "I can’t believe how materialistic you lawyers are," he said. "You are so focused on your possessions that you don’t notice anything else." "How can you say such a thing?" asked the lawyer. The cop replied, "Didn’t you notice that your left arm is missing from the elbow down? It must have been torn off when the truck hit you." The lawyer looked down to his left side and let out a terrible scream: "Oh my God!… MY ROLEX!"
Vote: has 63.75 % from 21 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: car, cop, god, lawyer, phone
Santa Claus arrives to a kindergarten and gives each child a present. Everybody received really cool presents – racing car models, ship models and similar. But one kid got only a pair of socks. A kid comes to him and teases him with his received brand new Formula 1 model and laughs at this socks-kid: LHey, what a shitty present you have received, look at my super car" said the kid offensively. "So what, at least I don't have cancer…"
Vote: has 63.75 % from 21 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: car, kids, Santa
A blonde pushes her BMW into the gas station and tells the mechanic that it died. After working on it for a few minutes, he has it idling smoothly. "What's the story?" she asked. "Just crap in the carburator," the mechanic replied. "How often do I have to do that?" asked the blonde.
Vote: has 63.66 % from 28 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: blonde, car, mechanic, stupid
I'm going to watch my wedding video later "backwards". I love the end bit when she takes the ring off, goes back down the aisle and jumps in the car.
Vote: has 63.65 % from 334 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: car, love, marriage, wedding
What do your parents' car and testicles have in common? Hit either one of them and you're grounded.
Vote: has 63.26 % from 41 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: car, dirty, family
Q: Why do schools in West Virginia only have Drivers Ed two days a week? A: Because they need their cars for Sex Ed the other three days a week!
Vote: has 63.26 % from 79 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: car, school, sex
John asks his wife, Mary, what she wants to celebrate their 40th wedding anniversary. “Would you like a new Mink Coat?” he asks. “Not really,” says Mary. “Well how about a new Mercedes sports car?” says John. “No,” she responds. “What about a new vacation home in the country?” he suggests. She again rejects his offer with a, “No thanks.” Frustrated he finally asks, “Well what would you like for your anniversary?” “John, I’d like a divorce,” answers Mary. John thinks for a moment and replies “Sorry dear, I wasn’t planning to spend that much.”
Vote: has 63.22 % from 31 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: anniversary, car, divorce, men, wife
Yo momma's so old if she were a car it would be time to roll back her odometer.
Vote: has 63.17 % from 17 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: age, car, time, Yo mama


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