The best car jokes

A Mexican and a nigger are riding in car. Who's driving? A cop!
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has 60.06 % from 982 votes. More jokes about: black people, car, cop, racist
One night a police officer was staking out a particularly rowdy bar for possible DUI violations. At closing time, he saw a fellow stumble out of the bar, trip on the curb and try his keys on five different cars before he found his. The man sat in the front seat fumbling around with his keys for several minutes. Meanwhile, all the other patrons left the bar and drove off. Finally he started his engine and began to pull away. The police officer was waiting for him. As soon as he pulled onto the street, the officer stopped him, read him his rights and administered the breathalyzer test to determine his blood-alcohol content. The results showed a reading of 0.0. The puzzled officer demanded to know how that could be. The driver replied, "Tonight I'm the designated decoy."
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has 59.74 % from 34 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, car, cop
How would you get four reindeer in a car? Two in the front and two in the back. And how do you get four polar bears in a car? Take the reindeer out first.
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has 59.19 % from 15 votes. More jokes about: animal, car
A police officer pulls over a speeding car. The officer says, " I clocked you at 80 miles per hour, sir ." The driver says, "Gee, officer, I had it on cruise control at 60; perhaps your radar gun needs calibrating. " Not looking up from her knitting the wife says: "Now don"t be silly, dear -- you know that this car doesn"t have cruise control." As the officer writes out the ticket, the driver looks over at his wife and growls, "Can't you please keep your mouth shut for once !?" The wife smiles demurely and says, "Well dear you should be thankful your radar detector went off when it did or your speed would have been higher." As the officer makes out the second ticket for the illegal radar detector unit, the man glowers at his wife and says through clenched teeth, "Woman, can't you keep your mouth shut?" The officer frowns and says, "And I notice that you"re not wearing your seat belt, sir. That's an automatic $75 fine." The driver says, "Yeah, well, you see, officer, I had it on, but I took it off when you pulled me over so that I could get my license out of my back pocket." The wife says, "Now, dear, you know very well that you didn"t have your seat belt on. You never wear your seat belt when you"re driving." And as the police officer is writing out the third ticket, the driver turns to his wife and barks, "WHY DON"T YOU PLEASE SHUT UP?" The officer looks over at the woman and asks, "Does your husband always talk to you this way, Ma"am?" "Only when he"s been drinking, officer."
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has 58.87 % from 39 votes. More jokes about: car, cop, drunk, husband, wife
Q: Did you know that they had automobiles in Jesus' time? A:Yes, the Bible says that the disciples were all of one Accord.
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has 58.67 % from 33 votes. More jokes about: bible, car, christian, time
Q: Why did the blonde go to the dentist? A: Someone dented her car.
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has 58.67 % from 33 votes. More jokes about: blonde, car, dentist, stupid
Q: If there are two potheads in the back of a car, then who is driving? A: The cop!
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has 58.58 % from 30 votes. More jokes about: car, cop, driving, weed
Yo mama teeth are so yellow when she smiles traffic slows down.
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has 58.58 % from 30 votes. More jokes about: car, insulting, Yo mama
Chuck Norris can change the tire on a car while it's still moving.
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has 58.56 % from 21 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, car
Traffic was backed up for miles, the police were going car to car. When they got to my car I asked the officer what was going on. He said "It's O.J. again. He's up there threatening to set himself on fire! We are going car to car collecting donations." "Donations!" I said, "How much you got so far?" He said "about ten gallons."
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has 58.51 % from 24 votes. More jokes about: car, cop
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