A Mexican and a nigger are riding in car.
Who's driving?
A cop! 
Vote:
One night a police officer was staking out a particularly rowdy bar for possible DUI violations.
At closing time, he saw a fellow stumble out of the bar, trip on the curb and try his keys on five different cars before he found his.
The man sat in the front seat fumbling around with his keys for several minutes.
Meanwhile, all the other patrons left the bar and drove off.
Finally he started his engine and began to pull away.
The police officer was waiting for him.
As soon as he pulled onto the street, the officer stopped him, read him his rights and administered the breathalyzer test to determine his blood-alcohol content.
The results showed a reading of 0.0.
The puzzled officer demanded to know how that could be.
The driver replied, "Tonight I'm the designated decoy."
A gypsy man buys land next to the house of a doctor.
He hires an engineer and then gets him build an identical house.
When he finished the house, the gypsy man comes to the balcony and shouts the doctor.
"Doctor – Doctor!"
"What is you gypsy eh?"
The doctor says. "Well, maybe you don’t like me but we are the same because we have the same house!"
"No way, the doctor says, because we do not have the same furniture..." the gypsy man angry as he is, oders the same furniture and he comes to the balcony again.
"Doctor – Doctor! We have the same house, the same furniture, we are the same ourselves!"
"What are you saying you stupid gypsy do we have the same car?" the doctor says. and shows at his luxurious MERCEDES in the garage.
Angrier the gypsy man gets loans and buy an identical MERCEDES and goes back to the balcony.
"Doctor – Doctor!"
"What do you want again eh?" doctor says
"I am “better” than you!"
"Why is that eh?" doctor says.
"We own the same house, furniture and same car, right?" The gypsy says.
"I agree, but do these make you better than me?" the doctor says.
"Because I have a neighbor doctor, and you have a neighbor Gypsy!Ha!"
When Chuck Norris drives a Lamborghini, people assume the Llamborghini is compensating for something.
Vote:
How would you get four reindeer in a car?
Two in the front and two in the back.
And how do you get four polar bears in a car?
Take the reindeer out first.
A police officer pulls over a speeding car.
The officer says, " I clocked you at 80 miles per hour, sir ."
The driver says, "Gee, officer, I had it on cruise control at 60; perhaps your radar gun needs calibrating. "
Not looking up from her knitting the wife says: "Now don"t be silly, dear -- you know that this car doesn"t have cruise control."
As the officer writes out the ticket, the driver looks over at his wife and growls, "Can't you please keep your mouth shut for once !?"
The wife smiles demurely and says, "Well dear you should be thankful your radar detector went off when it did or your speed would have been higher."
As the officer makes out the second ticket for the illegal radar detector unit, the man glowers at his wife and says through clenched teeth, "Woman, can't you keep your mouth shut?"
The officer frowns and says, "And I notice that you"re not wearing your seat belt, sir. That's an automatic $75 fine."
The driver says, "Yeah, well, you see, officer, I had it on, but I took it off when you pulled me over so that I could get my license out of my back pocket."
The wife says, "Now, dear, you know very well that you didn"t have your seat belt on. You never wear your seat belt when you"re driving."
And as the police officer is writing out the third ticket, the driver turns to his wife and barks, "WHY DON"T YOU PLEASE SHUT UP?"
The officer looks over at the woman and asks, "Does your husband always talk to you this way, Ma"am?"
"Only when he"s been drinking, officer."
Q: Did you know that they had automobiles in Jesus' time?
A:Yes, the Bible says that the disciples were all of one Accord.
Q: Why did the blonde go to the dentist?
A: Someone dented her car.
Q: If there are two potheads in the back of a car, then who is driving?
A: The cop!
Yo mama teeth are so yellow when she smiles traffic slows down.