The best car jokes

A forester and a lawyer were in car accident and showed up at the pearly gates together. St. Peter greets them at the pearly gates and takes them to the homeswhere they will spend all of eternity. They get into St. Peter’s holy vehicle and head on down a gold road, which turns into a platinum road, which turns onto an even grander road paved with diamonds, to a huge mansion where St. Peter turns to the lawyer and says, here is your home for the rest of eternity, enjoy! And if there is anything you need, just let me know. Then St. Peter took the forester to his home, back down the diamond studded boulevard, down the platinum highway, down the street of gold, down an avenue of silver, along a stone alley and down an unpaved footpath to a shack. St Peter says “Here you go” and goes to leave when the forester says “Waitaminute!, how come the lawyer gets the big mansion and I get this shack?” St. Peter says: “Well, Foresters are a dime a dozen here, we have never had a lawyer before.”
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has 54.15 % from 24 votes. More jokes about: car, lawyer, money
How does a girl from Harlem practice safe sex? She locks the car doors.
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has 53.88 % from 112 votes. More jokes about: car, racist, sex
After years of scrimping and saving, a husband told his wife the good news: “Honey, we’ve finally saved enough money to buy what we started saving for in 1979.” “You mean a brand-new Cadillac?” she asked eagerly. “No,” said the husband, “a 1979 Cadillac.
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has 53.78 % from 29 votes. More jokes about: car, husband, old people, wife
The cop got out of his car and the kid who was stopped for speeding rolled down his window. "I've been waiting for you all day," the cop said. The kid replied, "Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could." When the cop finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way without a ticket.
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has 53.62 % from 34 votes. More jokes about: car, cop, kids
Chuck Norris can drive a solar-powered car at night.
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has 53.58 % from 21 votes. More jokes about: car, Chuck Norris
Q: How was break dancing invented? A: Little black kids stealing hub caps off of moving cars.
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has 53.57 % from 174 votes. More jokes about: black people, car, insulting, kids, mean
An elderly Floridian called 911 on her cell phone to report that her car has been broken into. She is hysterical as she explains her situation to the dispatcher: "They've stolen the stereo, the steering wheel, the brake pedal and even the accelerator!" she cried. The dispatcher said, "Stay calm. An officer is on the way." A few minutes later, the officer radios in. "Disregard." He says. "She got in the back-seat by mistake."
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has 53.18 % from 26 votes. More jokes about: car, cop, phone
John and Bob were inseparable childhood friends. One night, they both died in a terrible car accident. When John woke up in heaven, he began to search for Bob but could not find him anywhere. Very distraught, he ran to St. Peter and said, "St. Peter, I know Bob was killed in that accident with me, but I can’t find him!" St. Peter said, "My son, I am sorry to tell you Bob didn’t make it to Heaven." This upset John so much that St. Peter agreed to let him see Bob one more time. St. Peter parted the clouds and John saw Bob sitting in hell with a keg on one side and a beautiful buxom blonde on the other. John looked at St. Peter skeptically and said, "Are you sure I’m in the right place?" "My son," St. Peter said, "looks can be deceiving. You see that keg of beer? It has a hole in it. You see that woman? She doesn’t!"
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has 53.18 % from 26 votes. More jokes about: blonde, car, death, heaven, men
Chuck Norris saved 100% on his car insurance by switching to Geico.
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has 53.04 % from 31 votes. More jokes about: car, Chuck Norris
What kind of a car does a proctologist drive? A brown Probe!
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has 52.93 % from 18 votes. More jokes about: car, disgusting
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