The best car jokes

English man Irish man Scotch man are in a desert, they got captured by the Germans. The Germans say, I will give you one thing before you die. The Englishman man say water, the Scotch man say whiskey, the Irish man says a car door. The Germans say, why do you want a car door. The Irish man says, because when it gets hot, it can wind down the window.
Vote: has 46.87 % from 29 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: car, death, military
Yo' Mama is so stupid, when she was pulled over for drunk driving and asked to walk a line, she said, "Which one?"
Vote: has 46.54 % from 13 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: car, cop, drunk, stupid, Yo mama
Why does a chicken coop have 2 doors? Because, if it had 4 doors it would be chicken sedan.
Vote: has 46.10 % from 8 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, car
A blonde was speeding in a 35 mile per hour zone when a local police officer pulled her over and walked up to the car. The officer also happened to be a blonde and she asked for the blonde's driver's license. The driver searched frantically in her purse for a while and finally said to the blonde policewoman, "What does a driver's license look like?" Irritated, the blonde cop said, "You dummy, it's got your picture on it!" The blonde driver frantically searched her purse again and found a small, rectangular mirror down at the bottom. She held it up to her face and said, "Aha! This must be my driver's license" and handed it to the blonde policewoman. The blonde cop looked in the mirror, handed it back to the driver and said, "You're free to go. And, if I had known you were a police officer too, we could have avoided all of this."
Vote: has 45.52 % from 26 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: blonde, car, cop
Q: Why can't gays drive faster than 68mph? A: Because at 69 they blow a rod.
Vote: has 44.99 % from 114 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: car, gay
A Mexican and a nigger are riding in car. Who's driving? A cop!
Vote: has 44.97 % from 112 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black humor, black people, car, cop, driving
It had been snowing for hours when an announcement came over the intercom: “Will the students who are parked on University Drive please move their cars so that we may begin plowing. ” Twenty minutes later there was another announcement: “Will the nine hundred students who went to move fourteen cars return to class.”
Vote: has 44.61 % from 40 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: car, school, student, weather
What kind of a car does a proctologist drive? A brown Probe!
Vote: has 44.24 % from 10 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: car, disgusting
One day Pepito was having a shower with his father when he saw his fathers penis. He asked his father what it was and his father replied "this is my racing car". The next night Pepito heard moaning in his parents room, being curious he peeped in to see what was happening. He then saw his father on top of his mother, while looking his father saw him and told him to go to his room. "OK, but I'm not sure you're driving that racing car properly" replied Pepito.
Vote: has 43.39 % from 37 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: car, driving, kids, sex
A forester and a lawyer were in car accident and showed up at the pearly gates together. St. Peter greets them at the pearly gates and takes them to the homeswhere they will spend all of eternity. They get into St. Peter’s holy vehicle and head on down a gold road, which turns into a platinum road, which turns onto an even grander road paved with diamonds, to a huge mansion where St. Peter turns to the lawyer and says, here is your home for the rest of eternity, enjoy! And if there is anything you need, just let me know. Then St. Peter took the forester to his home, back down the diamond studded boulevard, down the platinum highway, down the street of gold, down an avenue of silver, along a stone alley and down an unpaved footpath to a shack. St Peter says “Here you go” and goes to leave when the forester says “Waitaminute!, how come the lawyer gets the big mansion and I get this shack?” St. Peter says: “Well, Foresters are a dime a dozen here, we have never had a lawyer before.”
Vote: has 43.21 % from 12 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: car, lawyer, money