The best car jokes

Chuck Norris can wipe rainwater from inside his car.
Vote:
has 54.26 % from 13 votes. More jokes about: car, Chuck Norris, weather
A forester and a lawyer were in car accident and showed up at the pearly gates together. St. Peter greets them at the pearly gates and takes them to the homeswhere they will spend all of eternity. They get into St. Peter’s holy vehicle and head on down a gold road, which turns into a platinum road, which turns onto an even grander road paved with diamonds, to a huge mansion where St. Peter turns to the lawyer and says, here is your home for the rest of eternity, enjoy! And if there is anything you need, just let me know. Then St. Peter took the forester to his home, back down the diamond studded boulevard, down the platinum highway, down the street of gold, down an avenue of silver, along a stone alley and down an unpaved footpath to a shack. St Peter says “Here you go” and goes to leave when the forester says “Waitaminute!, how come the lawyer gets the big mansion and I get this shack?” St. Peter says: “Well, Foresters are a dime a dozen here, we have never had a lawyer before.”
Vote:
has 53.58 % from 21 votes. More jokes about: car, lawyer, money
After years of scrimping and saving, a husband told his wife the good news: “Honey, we’ve finally saved enough money to buy what we started saving for in 1979.” “You mean a brand-new Cadillac?” she asked eagerly. “No,” said the husband, “a 1979 Cadillac.
Vote:
has 53.18 % from 26 votes. More jokes about: car, husband, old people, wife
A redneck family shares one vehicle, the daughter asks her dad for the truck. The father says "okay, you know what to do." Then continues to lower his pants, the daughter says "daddy why's there shit on your dick." The father then replies "ohhhh, that's right honey, your brother has the truck."
Vote:
has 53.03 % from 36 votes. More jokes about: car, disgusting, family, redneck, sex
What kind of a car does a proctologist drive? A brown Probe!
Vote:
has 52.93 % from 18 votes. More jokes about: car, disgusting
Yo mama so fat the highway patrol made her wear "Caution! Wide Turn"
Vote:
has 52.93 % from 18 votes. More jokes about: car, fart, travel, Yo mama
Q: What do a gay and a garbage truck have in common? A: Both take it in the rear.
Vote:
has 52.50 % from 38 votes. More jokes about: car, dirty, gay
John and Bob were inseparable childhood friends. One night, they both died in a terrible car accident. When John woke up in heaven, he began to search for Bob but could not find him anywhere. Very distraught, he ran to St. Peter and said, "St. Peter, I know Bob was killed in that accident with me, but I can’t find him!" St. Peter said, "My son, I am sorry to tell you Bob didn’t make it to Heaven." This upset John so much that St. Peter agreed to let him see Bob one more time. St. Peter parted the clouds and John saw Bob sitting in hell with a keg on one side and a beautiful buxom blonde on the other. John looked at St. Peter skeptically and said, "Are you sure I’m in the right place?" "My son," St. Peter said, "looks can be deceiving. You see that keg of beer? It has a hole in it. You see that woman? She doesn’t!"
Vote:
has 52.49 % from 23 votes. More jokes about: blonde, car, death, heaven, men
Q. What's a blonde's idea of safe sex? A. Locking the car door.
Vote:
has 52.38 % from 28 votes. More jokes about: blonde, car, sex
Yo' Mama is so skanky, her idea of safe sex is to lock the car doors.
Vote:
has 52.18 % from 15 votes. More jokes about: car, sex, Yo mama
<<<28293031
More jokes →
Page 28 of 40.