The best car jokes

A man finds a genie lamp. He rubs the lamp and a genie comes out and says "I may grant you 3 wishes, but your wife gets double." The man wishes for a new car. The genie gives him a new car and the man's wife 2 new cars. The man then wishes for a new house. The genie gives him a new house and the man's wife 2 new houses. The man then says, "For my final wish, I wish to be beaten to half-death."
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has 52.60 % from 177 votes. More jokes about: car, genie, marriage, wife
Q: Did you hear about the blonde couple that were found frozen to death in their car at a drive-in movie theater? A: They went to see "Closed for the Winter".
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has 52.49 % from 23 votes. More jokes about: blonde, car, couple, death, winter
Contrary to popular belief, Chuck Norris, not the box jellyfish of northern Australia, is the most venomous creature on earth. Within 3 minutes of being bitten, a human being experiences the following symptoms: fever, blurred vision, beard rash, tightness of the jeans, and the feeling of being repeatedly kicked through a car windshield.
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has 52.10 % from 52 votes. More jokes about: animal, car, Chuck Norris, time
Q: How do you fit 100 Jews in a car? A: Three in the back, two in the front and the rest in the ashtray.
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has 52.06 % from 186 votes. More jokes about: black humor, car, death, jewish, morbid
Chuck Norris can change the tire on a car while it's still moving.
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has 51.61 % from 25 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, car
1. THINGY (thing-ee) n. Female......Any part under a car's hood. Male........The strap fastener on a woman's bra. 2. VULNERABLE (vul-ne-ra-bel) adj. Female......Fully opening up one's self emotionally to another. Male........Playing football without a cup. 3. COMMUNICATION (ko-myoo-ni-kay-shon) n. Female......The open sharing of thoughts and feelings with one's partner. Male........Leaving a note before taking off for a weekend with the boys. 4. COMMITMENT (ko-mit-ment) Female.......A desire to get married and raise a family. Male.........Not trying to pick up other women while out with one's girlfriend. 5. ENTERTAINMENT (en-ter-tayn-ment) n.v. Female......A good movie, concert, play or book. Male........Anything that can be done while drinking, and ends with sex. 6. FLATULENCE (flach-u-lens) n. Female......An embarrassing by-product of digestion. Male........A source of entertainment, self-statement and male bonding. 7. MAKING LOVE (may-king luv) n. Female......The greatest statement of intimacy a couple can achieve. Male........Call it whatever you want just as long as we end up in bed. 8. REMOTE CONTROL (ri-moht kon-trohl) n. Female.......A device for changing from one TV channel to another. Male.........A device for scanning through all 175 channels every 5 minutes.
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has 51.54 % from 133 votes. More jokes about: car, communication, football, marriage, technology
What do you call four niggers, in a car, driving off a cliff? A waste. You could've fit two more in the trunk.
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has 51.47 % from 364 votes. More jokes about: black people, car
It had been snowing for hours when an announcement came over the intercom: “Will the students who are parked on University Drive please move their cars so that we may begin plowing. ” Twenty minutes later there was another announcement: “Will the nine hundred students who went to move fourteen cars return to class.”
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has 51.27 % from 51 votes. More jokes about: car, school, student, weather
Q. What's a blonde's idea of safe sex? A. Locking the car door.
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has 51.13 % from 32 votes. More jokes about: blonde, car, sex
Chuck Norris saved 100% on his car insurance by switching to Geico.
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has 51.13 % from 32 votes. More jokes about: car, Chuck Norris
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