The best car jokes

After years of scrimping and saving, a husband told his wife the good news: “Honey, we’ve finally saved enough money to buy what we started saving for in 1979.” “You mean a brand-new Cadillac?” she asked eagerly. “No,” said the husband, “a 1979 Cadillac.
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has 53.18 % from 26 votes. More jokes about: car, husband, old people, wife
John and Bob were inseparable childhood friends. One night, they both died in a terrible car accident. When John woke up in heaven, he began to search for Bob but could not find him anywhere. Very distraught, he ran to St. Peter and said, "St. Peter, I know Bob was killed in that accident with me, but I can’t find him!" St. Peter said, "My son, I am sorry to tell you Bob didn’t make it to Heaven." This upset John so much that St. Peter agreed to let him see Bob one more time. St. Peter parted the clouds and John saw Bob sitting in hell with a keg on one side and a beautiful buxom blonde on the other. John looked at St. Peter skeptically and said, "Are you sure I’m in the right place?" "My son," St. Peter said, "looks can be deceiving. You see that keg of beer? It has a hole in it. You see that woman? She doesn’t!"
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has 53.18 % from 26 votes. More jokes about: blonde, car, death, heaven, men
What kind of a car does a proctologist drive? A brown Probe!
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has 52.93 % from 18 votes. More jokes about: car, disgusting
Yo mama so fat the highway patrol made her wear "Caution! Wide Turn"
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has 52.93 % from 18 votes. More jokes about: car, fart, travel, Yo mama
A redneck family shares one vehicle, the daughter asks her dad for the truck. The father says "okay, you know what to do." Then continues to lower his pants, the daughter says "daddy why's there shit on your dick." The father then replies "ohhhh, that's right honey, your brother has the truck."
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has 52.50 % from 38 votes. More jokes about: car, disgusting, family, redneck, sex
Q. What's a blonde's idea of safe sex? A. Locking the car door.
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has 52.38 % from 28 votes. More jokes about: blonde, car, sex
A blonde made several attempts to sell her old car. She was having a lot of problems finding a buyer because the car had 340,000 miles on it. She discussed her problem with a brunette that she worked with at a bar. The brunette suggested, "There may be a chance to sell that car easier, but it's not going to be legal." "That doesn't matter at all," replied the blonde. "All that matters it that I am able to sell this car." "Alright," replied the brunette. In a quiet voice, she told the blonde: "Here is the address of a friend of mine. He owns a car repair shop around here. Tell him I sent you, and he will turn the counter back on your car to 40,000 miles. Then it shouldn't be a problem to sell your car." The following weekend, the blonde took a trip to the mechanic on the brunette's advice. About one month after that, the brunette saw the blonde and asked, "Did you sell your car?" "No!" replied the blonde. "Why should I? It only has 40,000 miles on it."
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has 52.18 % from 15 votes. More jokes about: blonde, car, stupid
Yo' Mama is so skanky, her idea of safe sex is to lock the car doors.
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has 52.18 % from 15 votes. More jokes about: car, sex, Yo mama
A man finds a genie lamp. He rubs the lamp and a genie comes out and says "I may grant you 3 wishes, but your wife gets double." The man wishes for a new car. The genie gives him a new car and the man's wife 2 new cars. The man then wishes for a new house. The genie gives him a new house and the man's wife 2 new houses. The man then says, "For my final wish, I wish to be beaten to half-death."
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has 52.09 % from 175 votes. More jokes about: car, genie, marriage, wife
In the first Jurassic Park movie, the Tyrannosaurus Rex wasn't chasing the jeep. Chuck Norris was chasing the Tyrannosaurus and the jeep.
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has 51.86 % from 35 votes. More jokes about: car, Chuck Norris, dinosaur
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