The best car jokes

A man was driving along the road when all of a sudden he has to swerve to avoid a box falling off the lorry in front. Seconds later a policeman pulled him over for reckless driving. As the policeman starting writing the ticket he noticed the box was full of nails and tacks. "I had to serve or I'd have run over those and blown my tyres!" protested the driver. "Ok", replied the officer, ripping up the ticket, "but I'm still bringing you in." "What for?" retorted the man. "Tacks evasion", answered the policeman.
Vote:
has 45.29 % from 28 votes. More jokes about: car, cop, driving, tax
A Mexican and a nigga are riding in car. Who's driving? A cop!
Vote:
has 44.72 % from 177 votes. More jokes about: black humor, black people, car, cop, driving
A man goes to a party and has too much to drink. His friends plead with him to let them take him home. He says no -- he only lives a mile away. About five blocks from party, the police pull him over for weaving and ask him to get out of the car and walk the line. Just as he starts, the police radio blares out a notice of a robbery taking place in their area. The police tell the drunk party animal to stay put, they will be right back and they hop a fence and run down the street to the robbery. The guy waits and waits and finally decides to drive home. When he gets there, he tells his wife he is going to bed, and to tell anyone who might come looking for him that he has the flu and has been in bed all day. A few hours later the police knock on the door. They ask if Mr. SMITH is there and his wife says yes. They ask to see him and she replies that he is in bed with the flu and has been so all day. The police have his driver's license. They ask to see his car and she asks why. They insist on seeing his car, so she takes them to the garage and opens the door where they find their police car, with the lights still flashing.
Vote:
has 44.67 % from 38 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, animal, car, cop, party
Why did the spider buy a car? So he could take it out for a spin!
Vote:
has 43.65 % from 59 votes. More jokes about: animal, car
To run away from Chuck Norris man invented a car, then to catch them Chuck Norris invented crashes.
Vote:
has 43.61 % from 27 votes. More jokes about: car, Chuck Norris
Chuck Norris once threw out the first pitch at a NASCAR race.
Vote:
has 43.43 % from 33 votes. More jokes about: car, Chuck Norris, sport
What do you call a school bus full of black people? A rotten banana.
Vote:
has 43.33 % from 133 votes. More jokes about: black people, car, food, racist
A Policeman pulls over a motorist for running a stop sign. The motorists says, "What's the problem officer, I slowed down for that stop sign?" The officer replies, "I know you slowed down, but you are supposed to stop." "But officer, I slowed down, what's the difference?" "The difference is, you're supposed to stop.", says the officer. "But I slowed down!" replied the motorist. The officer says, "Let me explain it to you this way. I'm going to drag your scrawny ass out of your car, then I'm going to take this stick I carry on my belt and I'm going to start beating you with it. After five minutes I'm going to ask you, do you want me to slow down or do you want me to stop?"
Vote:
has 42.61 % from 14 votes. More jokes about: car, cop
Q. Why are there lip stick stains on the steering wheel after a blonde drives a car? A. Because she blows the horn!
Vote:
has 42.61 % from 14 votes. More jokes about: blonde, car
A man is driving his five year old to a friend’s house when another car races in front and cuts them off, nearly causing an accident. "Douchebag!" the father yells. A moment later he realizes the indiscretion, pulls over, and turns to face his son. "Your father just said a bad word," he says. "I was angry at that driver, but that was no excuse for what I said. It was wrong. But just because I said it, it doesn’t make it right, and I don’t ever want to hear you saying it. Is that clear?" His son looks at him and says: "Too late, douchebag."
Vote:
has 42.53 % from 50 votes. More jokes about: car, dad, driving, kids
<<<33343536
More jokes →
Page 33 of 40.