The best car jokes

Chuck Norris doesn't worry about high gas prices. His vehicles run on fear.

Chuck Norris inflated a flat school bus tire, with his lungs.

What’s the difference between a nigger and a car tire? The tire doesn’t sing when you put it chains!

Chuck Norris can make a rap video without booties and cars.

Why do black people lean to the center of their car? "They think the smell is coming from the outside."

A man goes to a party and has too much to drink. His friends plead with him to let them take him home. He says no -- he only lives a mile away. About five blocks from party, the police pull him over for weaving and ask him to get out of the car and walk the line. Just as he starts, the police radio blares out a notice of a robbery taking place in their area. The police tell the drunk party animal to stay put, they will be right back and they hop a fence and run down the street to the robbery. The guy waits and waits and finally decides to drive home. When he gets there, he tells his wife he is going to bed, and to tell anyone who might come looking for him that he has the flu and has been in bed all day. A few hours later the police knock on the door. They ask if Mr. SMITH is there and his wife says yes. They ask to see him and she replies that he is in bed with the flu and has been so all day. The police have his driver's license. They ask to see his car and she asks why. They insist on seeing his car, so she takes them to the garage and opens the door where they find their police car, with the lights still flashing.

Chuck Norris uses an air bag... in order to protect the inside of his car in case he stops too fast.

Q: Why can't gays drive faster than 68mph? A: Because at 69 they blow a rod.

A blonde had just gotten a new sports car and was out for a drive when she accidentally cut off a truck driver. The truck driver motioned for her to pull over. When she did, he got out of his truck and pulled a piece of chalk from his pocket. He drew a circle on the side of the road and gruffly commanded to the blonde, "Stand in that circle and DON'T MOVE!" He then went to her car and cut up her leather seats. When he turned around she had a slight grin on her face. "Oh you think that's funny? Watch this!" He gets a baseball bat out of His truck and breaks every window in her car. When he turns and looks at her she has a smile on her face. He is getting really mad. He gets his knife back out and slices all her tyres. Now she’s laughing. The truck driver is really starting to lose it. He goes back to his truck and gets a can of gas, pours it on her car and sets it on fire. He turns around and she is laughing so hard she is almost falling over. "What's so funny?" the truck driver asked the blonde. She replied, "Every time you weren't looking, I stepped outside the circle."

I walked out of the store and saw a car full of black people lock their car doors i felt pretty badass until i realized it was my car.