The best car jokes

Chuck Norris inflated a flat school bus tire, with his lungs.
Vote:
has 47.21 % from 27 votes. More jokes about: car, Chuck Norris
A man was driving along the road when all of a sudden he has to swerve to avoid a box falling off the lorry in front. Seconds later a policeman pulled him over for reckless driving. As the policeman starting writing the ticket he noticed the box was full of nails and tacks. "I had to serve or I'd have run over those and blown my tyres!" protested the driver. "Ok", replied the officer, ripping up the ticket, "but I'm still bringing you in." "What for?" retorted the man. "Tacks evasion", answered the policeman.
Vote:
has 47.21 % from 27 votes. More jokes about: car, cop, driving, tax
Bill Gates died in a car accident. He found himself in Purgatory being sized up by God… “Well, Bill, I’m really confused on this call. I’m not sure whether to send you to Heaven or Hell. After all, you enormously helped society by putting a computer in almost every home in the world and yet you created that ghastly Windows 95. I’m going to do something I’ve never done before. In your case, I’m going to let you decide where you want to go!” Bill replied, “Well, thanks, God. What’s the difference between the two?” God said, “I’m willing to let you visit both places briefly if it will help you make a decision.” “Fine, but where should I go first?” God said, “I’m going to leave that up to you.” Bill said, “OK, then, let’s try Hell first.” So Bill went to Hell. It was a beautiful, clean, sandy beach with clear waters. There were thousands of beautiful women running around, playing in the water, laughing and frolicking about. The sun was shining and the temperature was perfect. Bill was very pleased. “This is great!” he told God, “If this is Hell, I REALLY want to see Heaven!” “Fine,” said God and off they went. Heaven was a high place in the clouds, with angels drifting about playing harps and singing. It was nice but not as enticing as Hell. Bill thought for a quick minute and rendered his decision. “Hmm, I think I prefer Hell” he told God. “Fine,” retorted God, “as you desire.” So Bill Gates went to Hell. Two weeks later, God decided to check up on the late billionaire to see how he was doing in Hell. When God arrived in Hell, he found Bill shackled to a wall, screaming amongst the hot flames in a dark cave. He was being burned and tortured by demons. “How’s everything going, Bill?” God asked. Bill responded – his voice full of anguish and disappointment, “This is awful, this is not what I expected. I can’t believe this happened. What happened to that other place with the beaches and the beautiful women playing in the water?” God says, “That was the screen saver”.
Vote:
has 47.06 % from 40 votes. More jokes about: car, celebrity, death, god, IT
What’s the difference between a nigger and a car tire? The tire doesn’t sing when you put it chains!
Vote:
has 46.96 % from 169 votes. More jokes about: black people, car
Chuck Norris can make a rap video without booties and cars.
Vote:
has 46.70 % from 20 votes. More jokes about: car, Chuck Norris, music
Q: Why can't gays drive faster than 68mph? A: Because at 69 they blow a rod.
Vote:
has 46.67 % from 128 votes. More jokes about: car, gay
I walked out of the store and saw a car full of black people lock their car doors i felt pretty badass until i realized it was my car.
Vote:
has 46.41 % from 183 votes. More jokes about: black people, car, racist
A blonde was speeding in a 35 mile per hour zone when a local police officer pulled her over and walked up to the car. The officer also happened to be a blonde and she asked for the blonde's driver's license. The driver searched frantically in her purse for a while and finally said to the blonde policewoman, "What does a driver's license look like?" Irritated, the blonde cop said, "You dummy, it's got your picture on it!" The blonde driver frantically searched her purse again and found a small, rectangular mirror down at the bottom. She held it up to her face and said, "Aha! This must be my driver's license" and handed it to the blonde policewoman. The blonde cop looked in the mirror, handed it back to the driver and said, "You're free to go. And, if I had known you were a police officer too, we could have avoided all of this."
Vote:
has 46.37 % from 33 votes. More jokes about: blonde, car, cop
Why do black people lean to the center of their car? "They think the smell is coming from the outside."
Vote:
has 46.30 % from 107 votes. More jokes about: black people, car
Chuck Norris uses an air bag... in order to protect the inside of his car in case he stops too fast.
Vote:
has 46.02 % from 37 votes. More jokes about: car, Chuck Norris
<<<32333435
More jokes →
Page 32 of 40.