The best car jokes

Q: Did you hear about the blonde couple that were found frozen to death in their car at a drive-in movie theater? A: They went to see "Closed for the Winter".
Vote: has 36.09 % from 14 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: blonde, car, couple, death, winter
Many women are afraid of their first mammogram, but there is no need to worry. By taking a few minutes each day for the week preceding the exam and doing the following practice exercises, you will be totally prepared. And best of all, you can do these simple practice exercises right in the privacy of your own home. Exercise #1: Freeze two metal bookends overnight. Strip to the waist. Invite a stranger into the room. Press the bookends against one of your breasts. Smash the bookends together as hard as you can. Repeat with the other breast. Set an appointment with the stranger to meet next year and do it again. Exercise #2 Open your refrigerator door and insert one breast between the door and the main box. Have one of your strongest friends slam the door shut as hard as possible and lean on the door for good measure. Hold that position for five seconds. Do this again in case the last time wasn't effective enough. Then repeat with the other breast. Exercise #3 Visit your garage at 3 a.m. when the temperature of the concrete floor is just perfect. Take off all your warm clothes and lay comfortably on the floor with one breast wedged under the rear tire of the car. Ask a friend to slowly back the car up until the breast is sufficiently flattened and chilled. Turn over and repeat for the other breast. CONGRATULATIONS! Now you are properly prepared for your mammogram.
Vote: has 35.23 % from 10 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: car, sport, time, women
A blonde phoned police to report that thieves had been in her car. "They've stolen the dashboard, the steering wheel, the brake pedal, even the accelerator," she cried out. However, before the police investigation could start, the phone rang a second time and the same voice came over the line. "Never mind, I got in the back seat by mistake."
Vote: has 33.37 % from 15 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: blonde, car, cop, phone
If you throw a kitten out of a moving car, would it be considered kitty litter?
Vote: has 33.28 % from 27 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: black humor, car, kitty
Q: How do you know if you have a asian neighbour? A: They have been reported in over 10 car accidents on the news, their car has scratches, their on P's and they park one car on their driveway which is meant for to cars, and they park their second car in front of your house.
Vote: has 32.65 % from 48 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: asian, car, racist
Johny was stopped by the policeman on the road, the policeman has looked over the whole car and has said to Johny: "Johny, if you´ll go somebody by your car, the human would probably survive the collision with your car also without your help, but the treatment with the content of your archaic first aid box will survive nobody, there´s no doubt. Did you buy it in the shop B.C.?"
Vote: has 32.62 % from 25 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: car, cop, little Johnny, time
This guy was driving in a car with a blonde. He told her to stick her head out the window and see if the blinker worked. She stuck her head out and said, 'Yes, No, Yes, No, Yes...'
Vote: has 32.54 % from 13 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: blonde, car, driving
Smith was hit by a car, died, and went to heaven. And everyone who goes to heaven has to work. God went up to Smith, and said: Smith, you are going to make babies. Here is this wheel, and every time you turn it, a baby will come out. For hours, Smith spun the wheel at full speed, then he started to get tired. As he was slowing down, a black baby came out...and Smith said: **** I better hurry because they are burning."
Vote: has 31.39 % from 58 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: baby, black humor, car, death, heaven
Q: What do Darren Millane (Collingwood footballer killed in a recent car crash) and a blonde have in common?  A: Put either of 'em in a car and they're fucked.
Vote: has 31.25 % from 26 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: blonde, car, death, soccer
Yo mamma is so fat, when I swerved in my car to get around her, I ran out of petrol.
Vote: has 31.03 % from 16 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: car, fat, insulting, Yo mama


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