The best car jokes

A blonde phoned police to report that thieves had been in her car. "They've stolen the dashboard, the steering wheel, the brake pedal, even the accelerator," she cried out. However, before the police investigation could start, the phone rang a second time and the same voice came over the line. "Never mind, I got in the back seat by mistake."
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has 37.41 % from 104 votes. More jokes about: blonde, car, cop, phone
I bought a Jewish sports car. Not only will it stop on a dime, it will pick it up too. I've heard they're gas guzzlers though.
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has 37.38 % from 61 votes. More jokes about: car, jewish, money
Q: What do Darren Millane (Collingwood footballer killed in a recent car crash) and a blonde have in common?  A: Put either of 'em in a car and they're fucked.
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has 37.02 % from 29 votes. More jokes about: blonde, car, death, soccer
Q: Why do black people lean to the center of their car? A: They think the smell is coming from the outside.
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has 35.93 % from 93 votes. More jokes about: black people, car, racist
Many women are afraid of their first mammogram, but there is no need to worry. By taking a few minutes each day for the week preceding the exam and doing the following practice exercises, you will be totally prepared. And best of all, you can do these simple practice exercises right in the privacy of your own home. Exercise #1: Freeze two metal bookends overnight. Strip to the waist. Invite a stranger into the room. Press the bookends against one of your breasts. Smash the bookends together as hard as you can. Repeat with the other breast. Set an appointment with the stranger to meet next year and do it again. Exercise #2 Open your refrigerator door and insert one breast between the door and the main box. Have one of your strongest friends slam the door shut as hard as possible and lean on the door for good measure. Hold that position for five seconds. Do this again in case the last time wasn't effective enough. Then repeat with the other breast. Exercise #3 Visit your garage at 3 a.m. when the temperature of the concrete floor is just perfect. Take off all your warm clothes and lay comfortably on the floor with one breast wedged under the rear tire of the car. Ask a friend to slowly back the car up until the breast is sufficiently flattened and chilled. Turn over and repeat for the other breast. CONGRATULATIONS! Now you are properly prepared for your mammogram.
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has 35.66 % from 12 votes. More jokes about: car, sport, time, women
Q. Why can't a blonde get a drivers license? A. Because every time the instructor says "Let's park" she jumps in the back seat.
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has 35.23 % from 10 votes. More jokes about: blonde, car
Yo mamma is so fat, when I swerved in my car to get around her, I ran out of petrol.
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has 34.09 % from 17 votes. More jokes about: car, fat, insulting, Yo mama
This guy was driving in a car with a blonde. He told her to stick her head out the window and see if the blinker worked. She stuck her head out and said, 'Yes, No, Yes, No, Yes...'
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has 33.37 % from 15 votes. More jokes about: blonde, car, driving
What happened to the frog's car when his parking meter expired? It got toad!!
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has 32.54 % from 13 votes. More jokes about: animal, car
A highway patrolman pulled up alongside a speeding car on the freeway. As the officer peered through the driver's window, he was astounded to find that the blonde behind the wheel was knitting. The trooper cranked down his window and yelled to the driver, "Pull over!" at the top of his lungs. "No!" the blonde yelled back, "Scarf!"
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has 31.97 % from 18 votes. More jokes about: blonde, car
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