The best car jokes

In the year 3000, animals rule the Earth; they talk and drive sportscars. An owl enters a psychologist's office. The psychologist says to the owl, "What is your problem?" The owl replies, "I always sleep at night and am awake during the day. I am an owl and we usually are awake during the night." The psychologist tells the owl to come back in two days to solve his problem, as he is very busy. The next night, a cat comes in. He says, "I always sleep during the day. Like my friends, I want to sleep during the night. Can you help?" The psychologist advises the cat to come back in one day, as he is very busy. The next day, the cat comes very, very, very early for his appointment and ends up at the same time as the owl. The cat is told to wait outside. He peeks in the owl's appointment and figures out his problem... and his address! During the next evening, when the owl usually comes in for his appointment, the cat comes in. The psychologist asks the cat why he is here instead of the owl. The cat replies, "He is here!" and poops on the floor, explaining, "I was sent to deliver him."
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has 32.82 % from 40 votes. More jokes about: animal, car, cat, disgusting, time
I bought a Jewish sports car. Not only will it stop on a dime, it will pick it up too. I've heard they're gas guzzlers though.
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has 31.79 % from 96 votes. More jokes about: car, jewish, money
A highway patrolman pulled up alongside a speeding car on the freeway. As the officer peered through the driver's window, he was astounded to find that the blonde behind the wheel was knitting. The trooper cranked down his window and yelled to the driver, "Pull over!" at the top of his lungs. "No!" the blonde yelled back, "Scarf!"
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has 31.06 % from 21 votes. More jokes about: blonde, car
A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on the freeway. Glancing at the car, he was astounded to see that the blonde behind the wheel was knitting! Realizing that she was oblivious to his flashing lights and siren, the trooper cranked down his window, turned on his bullhorn and yelled, "PULL OVER!" "NO!", the blonde yelled back, "IT'S A SCARF!"
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has 29.93 % from 14 votes. More jokes about: blonde, car, cop
Q. Why can't a blonde get a drivers license? A. Because every time the instructor says "Let's park" she jumps in the back seat.
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has 29.93 % from 14 votes. More jokes about: blonde, car
Q: How do you know if you have a asian neighbour? A: They have been reported in over 10 car accidents on the news, their car has scratches, their on P's and they park one car on their driveway which is meant for to cars, and they park their second car in front of your house.
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has 29.53 % from 88 votes. More jokes about: asian, car, racist
Q: Why did the fat turkey cross the road? A: To get hit by my car.
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has 29.01 % from 17 votes. More jokes about: animal, car, fat
Chuck Norris drives in reverse and still drives better than you...
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has 28.62 % from 31 votes. More jokes about: blonde, car
Chuck Norris doesn't drive a car he walks.
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has 28.38 % from 37 votes. More jokes about: car, Chuck Norris, travel
Q: And where was the location of the accident? A: Approximately milepost 499. Q: And where is milepost 499? A: Probably between milepost 498 and 500.
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has 28.11 % from 23 votes. More jokes about: car, cop
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