Q: Why did the fat turkey cross the road? A: To get hit by my car.
What bounces up and down at 100mph? A baby tied to the back of a truck.
Two girlfriends were speeding down the highway at well over a 100 miles per hour. "Hey," asked the brunette at the wheel, "see any cops following us?" The blonde turned around for a long look. "As a matter of fact, I do." "Oh, NOOOO!" yelled the brunette. "Are his flashers on?" The blonde turned around again. "Yup...nope...yup...nope...yup..."
Q. Why did the dum blond keep failing her driver's test? A. Because every time the door opened, she jumped into the back seat.
Coming home, I drove into the wrong house and collided with a tree I didn’t have. In an attempt to kill a fly, I drove into a telephone pole. I had been driving for 40 years when I fell asleep at the wheel and had an accident. I collided with a stationary truck coming the other way. I told the police I was not injured, but on removing my hat I found that I had a fractured skull. I pulled away from the side of the road, glanced at my mother-in-law, and headed over the embankment.
Q. What do you call an unmarried blond in a BMW? A. Divorcee'
How do you fit 54 Jews in a car? 2 in the front 2 in the back and 50 in the ashtray.
In a car there are two persons: a car mechanic and a programmer. They where going to work when suddenly the car broke down. The car mechanic tries to make the car work again but no solution. Suddenly the programmer says: "I say we better FORMAT it!"
How many dead babies does it take to change a tire? Two, one to prop up the car and one to replace it incase it explodes.
A police officer pulls over a speeding car. The officer says, ' I clocked you at 80 miles per hour, sir.' The driver says, 'Gee, officer I had it on cruise control at 60, maybe your radar gun needs calibrating.'