The best car jokes

Q: And where was the location of the accident? A: Approximately milepost 499. Q: And where is milepost 499? A: Probably between milepost 498 and 500.
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has 25.67 % from 19 votes. More jokes about: car, cop
Smith was hit by a car, died, and went to heaven. And everyone who goes to heaven has to work. God went up to Smith, and said: Smith, you are going to make babies. Here is this wheel, and every time you turn it, a baby will come out. For hours, Smith spun the wheel at full speed, then he started to get tired. As he was slowing down, a black baby came out...and Smith said: **** I better hurry because they are burning."
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has 22.81 % from 86 votes. More jokes about: baby, black humor, car, death, heaven
What's yellow and black and makes you laugh ? A bus full of niggers going over a cliff.
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has 22.42 % from 76 votes. More jokes about: black humor, car, travel
A man is in a bar and falling off his stool every couple of minutes. He is obviously drunk. So the bartender says to another man in the bar: "Why don't you be a good Samaritan and take him home." The man takes the drunk out the door and to his car and he stumbles at least ten times. They drive along and the drunk points out his house to the man. He stops the car and the drunk stumbles up the steps to his house with the man. The drunk's wife greets them at the door: "Why thank you for bringing him home for me, but where's his wheel chair?"
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has 22.04 % from 12 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, bar, bartender, car, drunk
Q. Did you hear about the funny blonde who tried to blow up her husband's car? A. She burned her lips on the tailpipe.
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has 21.85 % from 9 votes. More jokes about: blonde, car, husband
Q. What do you call an unmarried blond in a BMW? A. Divorcee'
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has 21.85 % from 9 votes. More jokes about: blonde, car, divorce
A guy was talking with his friend: I’ve managed to separate from my wife in common agreement: she gets the house and I get the car and desk. Ok, but how about your finances? The lawyer takes care of those...
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has 21.85 % from 9 votes. More jokes about: car, lawyer, money, wife
Coming home, I drove into the wrong house and collided with a tree I didn’t have. In an attempt to kill a fly, I drove into a telephone pole. I had been driving for 40 years when I fell asleep at the wheel and had an accident. I collided with a stationary truck coming the other way. I told the police I was not injured, but on removing my hat I found that I had a fractured skull. I pulled away from the side of the road, glanced at my mother-in-law, and headed over the embankment.
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has 20.39 % from 31 votes. More jokes about: car, driving, health, old people, phone
Q: Why did the fat turkey cross the road? A: To get hit by my car.
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has 20.20 % from 13 votes. More jokes about: animal, car, fat
One day a blonde woman entered an autobody shop claiming that she’d suffered extensive damage to her new car. The mechanic thought he’d have some fun with her so he told her that she didn’t need him to fixed all the dents. He said she could fix them herself by blowing into the tailpipe as hard as she could and they’d all pop out. The woman went home and proceeded to get down on her hands and knees in the driveway. She was blowing into the pipe as hard as she could and her face was turning purple when another blonde woman walked by and asked what she was doing. After hearing the whole story the second blonde pauses for a moment then responds, “Hello! The windows are down. Your personal check for the full $30,000.”
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has 19.69 % from 36 votes. More jokes about: blonde, car, mechanic, money
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