The best car jokes

What's yellow and black and makes you laugh ? A bus full of niggers going over a cliff.
Vote: has 25.03 % from 65 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: black humor, car, travel
A man is in a bar and falling off his stool every couple of minutes. He is obviously drunk. So the bartender says to another man in the bar: "Why don't you be a good Samaritan and take him home." The man takes the drunk out the door and to his car and he stumbles at least ten times. They drive along and the drunk points out his house to the man. He stops the car and the drunk stumbles up the steps to his house with the man. The drunk's wife greets them at the door: "Why thank you for bringing him home for me, but where's his wheel chair?"
Vote: has 24.26 % from 11 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: alcohol, bar, bartender, car, drunk
Q: Why did the fat turkey cross the road? A: To get hit by my car.
Vote: has 22.04 % from 12 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: animal, car, fat
One day a blonde woman entered an autobody shop claiming that she’d suffered extensive damage to her new car. The mechanic thought he’d have some fun with her so he told her that she didn’t need him to fixed all the dents. He said she could fix them herself by blowing into the tailpipe as hard as she could and they’d all pop out. The woman went home and proceeded to get down on her hands and knees in the driveway. She was blowing into the pipe as hard as she could and her face was turning purple when another blonde woman walked by and asked what she was doing. After hearing the whole story the second blonde pauses for a moment then responds, “Hello! The windows are down. Your personal check for the full $30,000.”
Vote: has 21.89 % from 29 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: blonde, car, mechanic, money
Q. Did you hear about the funny blonde who tried to blow up her husband's car? A. She burned her lips on the tailpipe.
Vote: has 21.85 % from 9 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: blonde, car, husband
A guy was talking with his friend: I’ve managed to separate from my wife in common agreement: she gets the house and I get the car and desk. Ok, but how about your finances? The lawyer takes care of those...
Vote: has 21.85 % from 9 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: car, lawyer, money, wife
What bounces up and down at 100mph? A baby tied to the back of a truck.
Vote: has 20.04 % from 106 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: baby, car, disgusting
Two girlfriends were speeding down the highway at well over a 100 miles per hour. "Hey," asked the brunette at the wheel, "see any cops following us?" The blonde turned around for a long look. "As a matter of fact, I do." "Oh, NOOOO!" yelled the brunette. "Are his flashers on?" The blonde turned around again. "Yup...nope...yup...nope...yup..."
Vote: has 19.53 % from 17 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: blonde, car, cop
Q. Why did the dum blond keep failing her driver's test? A. Because every time the door opened, she jumped into the back seat.
Vote: has 19.47 % from 10 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: blonde, car
Coming home, I drove into the wrong house and collided with a tree I didn’t have. In an attempt to kill a fly, I drove into a telephone pole. I had been driving for 40 years when I fell asleep at the wheel and had an accident. I collided with a stationary truck coming the other way. I told the police I was not injured, but on removing my hat I found that I had a fractured skull. I pulled away from the side of the road, glanced at my mother-in-law, and headed over the embankment.
Vote: has 19.11 % from 25 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: car, driving, health, old people, phone


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