CBS hired Chuck Norris to replace Charlie Sheen, now the show is called Ten and half Men.
Leonardo DiCaprio only starred in Inception because if he didn't, Chuck Norris will enter his dream and roundhouse kick him into limbo.
Usain Bolt only began running when he heard, Chuck Norris was in Jamaica shooting a commercial for Red Bull.
Bill Gates and Jim Cannavino from IBM are arguing about the future of 32-bit operating systems. They decide to throw a coin. Cannavino: "If the number is up, OS/2 will be the new standard, if it’s head Windows95 will be the new standard." Gates: "Hey, you forgot Windows NT." Cannavino: "No, I didn’t. If the coin falls on end, Windows NT will be the future."
Yo momma so black Batman came and said damn b*tch I thought I was the dark night.
Chuck Norris was supposed to play the lead role in Mission: Impossible. He was replaced by Tom Cruise because the tittle wouldn't make any sense.
Q: How do you find Ronald McDonald in a nudist colony? A: Look for sesame seed buns.
Bill Gates once asked Chuck Norris to be his personal body guard for an hour, he couldn't afford it...
Why doesn't Osama bin Laden have sex with his five wives? Because every time he spreads their legs he sees Bush.
When you're driving and Nicki Minaj is on all 3 radio stations at the exact same time, there's nothing left to do except crash your car.