Superman's weakness isn't kryptonite, it's obvious who it is...
Drake Bell: In honor of Kim and Kanye's baby "North West" I will be naming my first son "Taco".
Spider-man can crawl on walls and ceilings, Chuck Norris can crawl on water.
Q: If Dan Quayle, Bob Packwood and Bill Clinton participated in a spelling contest, who would win? A: Dan Quayle. He's the only one who knows that "harass" is one word.
Apparently Neil Armstrong use to tell unfunny jokes about the Moon, and followed them up with "Ah, I guess you had to be there."
How come the village Guy Fawkes won the Nobel Peace Prize? Cause he was outstanding in his field.
Chuck Norris once shook a pirates hand. That pirate is now known as Captain Hook
Angelina Jolie can curve a bullet. Chuck Norris can curve a laser.
Q: What does Superman, Batman, and Ironman have in common? A: When they were kids they wanted to be Chuck Norris
Yo Momma so fat and ugly that when she applied to become a movie star she got the part "Godzilla".