CBS hired Chuck Norris to replace Charlie Sheen, now the show is called Ten and half Men.
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Leonardo DiCaprio only starred in Inception because if he didn't, Chuck Norris will enter his dream and roundhouse kick him into limbo.
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Usain Bolt only began running when he heard, Chuck Norris was in Jamaica shooting a commercial for Red Bull.
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Bill Gates and Jim Cannavino from IBM are arguing about the future of 32-bit operating systems.
They decide to throw a coin.
Cannavino: "If the number is up, OS/2 will be the new standard, if it’s head Windows95 will be the new standard."
Gates: "Hey, you forgot Windows NT."
Cannavino: "No, I didn’t. If the coin falls on end, Windows NT will be the future."
Yo momma so black Batman came and said damn b*tch I thought I was the dark night.
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Chuck Norris was supposed to play the lead role in Mission: Impossible.
He was replaced by Tom Cruise because the tittle wouldn't make any sense.
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Q: How do you find Ronald McDonald in a nudist colony?
A: Look for sesame seed buns.
Bill Gates once asked Chuck Norris to be his personal body guard for an hour, he couldn't afford it...
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Why doesn't Osama bin Laden have sex with his five wives?
Because every time he spreads their legs he sees Bush.
When you're driving and Nicki Minaj is on all 3 radio stations at the exact same time, there's nothing left to do except crash your car.
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