How did Nicki Minaj know what Lil Wayne is giving her for Christmas? Lil Wayne isn't very good at wrapping.
A real man would never cry in public unless: He watched a movie in which a heroic dog dies to save his master. Or if Heidi klum unbuckled her shirt. Or if he accidentally dropped crates full of beer.
Q: What's the difference between greeting the Queen of England and greeting Bill Clinton? A: You only have to get down on one knee to greet the queen.
Chuck Norris once shook a pirates hand. That pirate is now known as Captain Hook
Pawn Stars: Man: "Can I have change for a dollar?" Rick: "Best I can do is 75 cents."
Stevie Wonder recently told his wife that he wants to see other people.
Leonardo DiCaprio only starred in Inception because if he didn't, Chuck Norris will enter his dream and roundhouse kick him into limbo.
Usain Bolt only began running when he heard, Chuck Norris was in Jamaica shooting a commercial for Red Bull.
Bill Gates and Jim Cannavino from IBM are arguing about the future of 32-bit operating systems. They decide to throw a coin. Cannavino: "If the number is up, OS/2 will be the new standard, if it’s head Windows95 will be the new standard." Gates: "Hey, you forgot Windows NT." Cannavino: "No, I didn’t. If the coin falls on end, Windows NT will be the future."
Yo'Mama is so stupid, she threw a baseball at Batman.