Superman's weakness isn't kryptonite, it's obvious who it is...
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Drake Bell: In honor of Kim and Kanye's baby "North West" I will be naming my first son "Taco".
Spider-man can crawl on walls and ceilings, Chuck Norris can crawl on water.
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Q: If Dan Quayle, Bob Packwood and Bill Clinton participated in a spelling contest, who would win?
A: Dan Quayle. He's the only one who knows that "harass" is one word.
Apparently Neil Armstrong use to tell unfunny jokes about the Moon, and followed them up with "Ah, I guess you had to be there."
How come the village Guy Fawkes won the Nobel Peace Prize?
Cause he was outstanding in his field.
Chuck Norris once shook a pirates hand.
That pirate is now known as Captain Hook
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Angelina Jolie can curve a bullet. Chuck Norris can curve a laser.
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Q: What does Superman, Batman, and Ironman have in common?
A: When they were kids they wanted to be Chuck Norris
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Yo Momma so fat and ugly that when she applied to become a movie star she got the part "Godzilla".