Bill Gates once asked Chuck Norris to be his personal body guard for an hour, he couldn't afford it...
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Steve Jobs was an amazing man.
He will live in my hard drive forever!
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Q: What's the difference between greeting the Queen of England and greeting Bill Clinton?
A: You only have to get down on one knee to greet the queen.
Chuck Norris once shook a pirates hand.
That pirate is now known as Captain Hook
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Why doesn't Osama bin Laden have sex with his five wives?
Because every time he spreads their legs he sees Bush.
When you're driving and Nicki Minaj is on all 3 radio stations at the exact same time, there's nothing left to do except crash your car.
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A frog goes into a bank, and hops up on the desk of the loan officer. ''Hi,'' he croaks.
''What's your name?''
The loan officer says, ''My name is John Paddywack.
May I help you?''
''Yeah,'' says the frog.
''I'd like to borrow some money.''
The loan officer finds this a little odd, but gets out a form.
''Okay,what's your name?''
The frog replies, ''Kermit Jagger.''
''Really?'' says the loan officer.
''Any relation to Mick Jagger?''
''Yeah, he's my dad.''
''Hmmm,'' says the loan officer.
''Do you have any collateral?''
The frog hands over a pink ceramic elephant and asks, ''Will this do?''
The loan officer says, ''Um, I'm not sure.
Let me go check with the bank manager.''
''Oh, tell him I said hi,'' adds the frog. ''He knows me.''
The loan officer goes back to the manager and says, ''Excuse me, sir, but there's a frog out there named Kermit Jagger who wants to borrow some money. All he has for collateral is this pink elephant thing; I'm not even sure what it is.''
The manager says: ''It's a knick-knack, Paddywack, give the frog a loan; his old man's a Rolling Stone.''
Chuck Norris told Anne Robinson she was the weakest link and made her leave the stage.
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Usain Bolt only began running when he heard, Chuck Norris was in Jamaica shooting a commercial for Red Bull.
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Chuck Norris once encountered the men in black and he still remembers it.
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