Spider-man can crawl on walls and ceilings, Chuck Norris can crawl on water.
Q: If Dan Quayle, Bob Packwood and Bill Clinton participated in a spelling contest, who would win? A: Dan Quayle. He's the only one who knows that "harass" is one word.
Apparently Neil Armstrong use to tell unfunny jokes about the Moon, and followed them up with "Ah, I guess you had to be there."
How come the village Guy Fawkes won the Nobel Peace Prize? Cause he was outstanding in his field.
Q: What do you get when you cross Viagra with 3 Playboy Playmates A: Hugh Hefner.
Is Lady Gaga wonder woman because we all wonder if she's a woman?
Yo Momma so fat and ugly that when she applied to become a movie star she got the part "Godzilla".
If Charlie Sheen is winning, it's only because Chuck Norris isn't playing.
How did Nicki Minaj know what Lil Wayne is giving her for Christmas? Lil Wayne isn't very good at wrapping.
A real man would never cry in public unless: He watched a movie in which a heroic dog dies to save his master. Or if Heidi klum unbuckled her shirt. Or if he accidentally dropped crates full of beer.