Grandma: "Why is that dumb piece of cotton candy talking." Me: "Grandma, thats Nikki Minaj."
If Chuck Norris appears in your dream, don't panic, he is only looking for Freddy Krueger.
Not even Houdini can escape from Chuck Norris.
Columbus may have discovered America, but after a conversation with Chuck Norris it was decided, Chuck Norris discovered America.
Newton's 3rd Law never applies to Chuck Norris.
Q: What do you get when you cross Viagra with 3 Playboy Playmates A: Hugh Hefner.
Superman's weakness isn't kryptonite, it's obvious who it is...
Drake Bell: In honor of Kim and Kanye's baby "North West" I will be naming my first son "Taco".
Spider-man can crawl on walls and ceilings, Chuck Norris can crawl on water.
Q: If Dan Quayle, Bob Packwood and Bill Clinton participated in a spelling contest, who would win? A: Dan Quayle. He's the only one who knows that "harass" is one word.