Voldemort once ran into Chuck Norris. He is now known as Harry Potter.
When Chuck Norris talks, E.F. Hutton listens.
Stevie Wonder was the last person to stare Chuck Norris directly in the eyes...
Chuck Norris once encountered the men in black and he still remembers it.
Superman and The Flash have a race around the world. Who wins? Chuck Norris.
A real man would never cry in public unless: He watched a movie in which a heroic dog dies to save his master. Or if Heidi klum unbuckled her shirt. Or if he accidentally dropped crates full of beer.
Superman's weakness isn't kryptonite, it's obvious who it is...
If kim kardashian was a donut wat kind would she be? Chocolate filled.
A man walks into a bar on the top floor of a skyscraper. He sits down and orders a beer. After taking a drink he sees the guy next to him go over to the window and jump out! "Holy cow! Did you see that!? That guy just jumped out the window!" The bartender does nothing. So the man takes another sip. A minute later the same guy walks in, orders another drink, chugs it, and jumps out the window again. "Jesus! He just jumped again!" The bartender ignores the man. So the man sits puzzled. The guy comes back into the bar, and orders another drink. "How did you survive that jump?" "I ordered a floatie drink, if you drink it in a certain amount of time, you can float." So the guy quickly orders a floatie drink. He takes it from the bartender, and chugs it. He then jumps out the window and... SPLAT! Right on the sidewalk! The Bartender then says, "You know, Superman... you can be a real jerk when youre drunk."
Q: Why did Arnold Schwarzenegger train on a desert island? A: He wanted maximum isolation.