The best celebrity jokes

Lenin dies and goes to Saint Peter to tell him whether to go to hell or heaven. There was a big problem among the saints because the half of them wanted him to hell and the other half in Paradise. Then they asked God, who of course tells them to go to Hell. After a week of being in hell, devil visited St. Peter and complained: "This Lenin will destroy me. One week in Hell only and he has already started their courses and demonstrations." St. Peter much forced agrees to accept Lenin in Paradise. From that day and then there was a disturbing silence. After two months St. Peter goes to heaven and he sees what? Everyone sitting around and Lenin standing in the middle and talking. Among the distinguished listeners the Saint recognises Jesus Christ. He calls him and says: "God will punish you" And he answers: "Who? God? But God does not exist."
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has 26.88 % from 42 votes. More jokes about: celebrity, death, heaven, life
If Clint Eastwood told Chuck Norris to get off his lawn... Chuck would get the hell off his lawn!
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has 26.88 % from 42 votes. More jokes about: celebrity, Chuck Norris
Chuck Norris is the reason why Professor X is on a wheelchair.
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has 25.67 % from 19 votes. More jokes about: celebrity, Chuck Norris, health
Freddy Krueger sleeps with his mom every night because he is scared of Chuck Norris!
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has 25.30 % from 61 votes. More jokes about: celebrity, Chuck Norris
What's funner then nailing bin Laden to a tree? Feeding his lifeless corpse into a meat grinder.
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has 22.68 % from 35 votes. More jokes about: celebrity, disgusting, war
Chuck Norris killed Heath Ledger... nobody ruins the image of cowboys and lives.
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has 22.17 % from 43 votes. More jokes about: celebrity, Chuck Norris, cowboy, death
If George Washington were alive today, why couldn't he throw a silver dollar across the Potomac? Because a dollar doesn't go as far as it used to.
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has 22.04 % from 12 votes. More jokes about: celebrity, money
Q: Whats the difference between Amy Winehouse and Captain Morgan? A: Captain Morgan comes alive when you add coke!
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has 19.11 % from 25 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, celebrity, drug, music
(A) You are not Tom Cruise, (B) The guns may stop working at the last moment, (C) The Enemy is 1000 times intelligent than you, (D) Your family might not like the amount of compensation on your behalf (E) Just remember, "the safest way to win over your enemies is by making them your friends!"
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has 18.60 % from 38 votes. More jokes about: celebrity, family, friendship, men, work
Two men were sitting at the top floor of the Empire State Building. One man says to the other.. "You know, if you jump out the window here, the force of the wind will blow you back in through the window on the 90th floor.." The other man says "fuck off, you're jokin aren't u?" The 1st man says "No, here.. I'll prove it" so he stands on the window ledge and jumps out.. and comes back in thru the 90th floor window.. The 2nd man says.. "That was just a one off" So he does it again.. and comes thru on the 90th floor.. runs back up and says "See, im telling the truth" The 2nd man says "Wow, im gonna do it then" he stands on the window ledge, jumps out and falls to his death. The barman says to the first man.. "You know, you're a cunt when you're drunk superman.
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has 18.30 % from 22 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, celebrity, drunk
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