Why didn't the cannibal eat Mike Tyson? He thought he would give him a paunch!
Growing up, Samuel L. Jackson didn't have a mother and a father. He had a mother and a motherf*cker.
Chuck Norris, Mr T and Arnold Swieznigger died in a plane crash they got to heavens door way and god asked them what there business is. Arnold replied "I want to be your right hand man". Mr T said "I wanna be your left hand man". Chuck Norris said "get the fuck out of my chair".
Q: Whats the difference between Amy Winehouse and Captain Morgan? A: Captain Morgan comes alive when you add coke!
Q: Did you hear Lorena Bobbitt was almost killed in a traffic accident? A: Some dick cut her off.
Q: What's the difference between my phone and Stephen Hawking? A: When my phone dies, I actually give a fuck.
Did you hear that Princess Di was on the radio a couple of weeks ago? Yep, and on the dashboard, and on the window, and on the hood....
Q: What do Rodney King and Nicole Simpson have in common? A: They just didn't listen
Freddy Krueger sleeps with his mom every night because he is scared of Chuck Norris!
1st Officer: "Guess who I pulled over in a traffic stop the other day?" 2nd Officer: "Who?" 1st Officer: "Janet Jackson!" 2nd Officer: "What she do, was she speeding?" 1st Officer: "Nah, she had one headlight out."