The best celebrity jokes

An airplane was about to crash. There were 4 passengers on board but only 3 parachutes. The 1st passenger said, "I am Stephen King , the best selling author of my time... My millions of fans need me , and i can't afford to die." So he took the 1st pack and left the planernThe 2nd passenger , Barack Hussein Obama, said , "I am the 44th President of the United States, and I am the smartest President in American history , so my people don't want me to die." He took the 2nd pack and jumped out of the plane.rnThe 3rd passenger, the Pope, said to the 4th passenger, a 10 year old schoolboy, "My son , I am old and don't have many years left, you have more years ahead so I will sacrifice my life and let you have the last parachute." The little boy said , "That's okay , Your Holiness, there's a parachute left for you. America's smartest President took my schoolbag."
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has 78.27 % from 216 votes. More jokes about: celebrity, death, money, stupid, time
Uri Geller bends spoons with his mind, Chuck Norris bends minds with a spoon.
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has 78.15 % from 31 votes. More jokes about: celebrity, Chuck Norris
On a golf tour in Ireland, Tiger Woods drives his BMW into a petrol station in a remote part of the Irish countryside. The pump attendant, obviously knows nothing about golf, greets him ina typical Irish manner completely unaware of who the golfing pro is. “Top of the mornin’ to yer, sir” says the attendant. Tiger nods a quick “hello” and bends forward to pick up the nozzle. As he does so, two tees fall out of his shirt pocket onto the ground. “What are those?, asks the attendant. “They’re called tees” replies Tiger. “Well, what on the god’s earth are dey for?” inquires the Irishman. “They’re for resting my balls on when I’m driving”, says Tiger. “Fookin Jaysus”, says the Irishman, “BMW thinks of everything!”
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has 77.96 % from 141 votes. More jokes about: car, celebrity, golf, sport
Arnold Schwarzenegger always says he'll be back. But Chuck Norris always handles things the first time
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has 77.92 % from 125 votes. More jokes about: celebrity, Chuck Norris
A paralegal, an associate, and a partner of a prestigious law firm are walking through a city park and they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes out in a puff of smoke. The Genie says, "I usually only grant three wishes, so I'll give each of you one." "Me first!" says the paralegal. "I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat with Tom Cruise." Poof! She's gone. "Me next!" says the associate. "I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with a professional hula dancer on one side and a Mai Tai on the other." Poof! He's gone. "You're next," the Genie says to the partner. The partner says: "I want those two back in the office after lunch."
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has 77.79 % from 145 votes. More jokes about: celebrity, genie, holiday, lawyer, women
Chuck Norris is the reason why Einstein's theory of relativity is still a theory.
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has 77.64 % from 48 votes. More jokes about: celebrity, Chuck Norris, nerd
Chuck Norris once donated blood to a man, hes' known as Super Man.
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has 77.03 % from 150 votes. More jokes about: celebrity, Chuck Norris
Why does Rick Ross rap about cars when he cant fit in them.
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has 76.99 % from 9 votes. More jokes about: celebrity, life, music
Me: I just bought Tupacs of Eminems for 50 Cents. Friend: That's Ludacris. How Kanye West your money like that?
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has 76.86 % from 114 votes. More jokes about: celebrity, life, money, music
First Michael Jackson and now Neil Armstrong... God is clearly no fan of moonwalkers.
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has 76.54 % from 51 votes. More jokes about: celebrity, god, life
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