The best celebrity jokes

On a golf tour in Ireland, Tiger Woods drives his BMW into a petrol station in a remote part of the Irish countryside. The pump attendant, obviously knows nothing about golf, greets him ina typical Irish manner completely unaware of who the golfing pro is. “Top of the mornin’ to yer, sir” says the attendant. Tiger nods a quick “hello” and bends forward to pick up the nozzle. As he does so, two tees fall out of his shirt pocket onto the ground. “What are those?, asks the attendant. “They’re called tees” replies Tiger. “Well, what on the god’s earth are dey for?” inquires the Irishman. “They’re for resting my balls on when I’m driving”, says Tiger. “Fookin Jaysus”, says the Irishman, “BMW thinks of everything!”
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has 79.04 % from 132 votes. More jokes about: car, celebrity, golf, sport
If you rate this kickass, then Chuck Norris WILL roundhouse kick Justin Bieber's ass.
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has 79.03 % from 2042 votes. More jokes about: celebrity, Chuck Norris, music
The Mona Lisa is smiling because Chuck Norris let her live.
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has 78.61 % from 369 votes. More jokes about: celebrity, Chuck Norris
Chuck Norris is the reason why Einstein's theory of relativity is still a theory.
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has 78.47 % from 44 votes. More jokes about: celebrity, Chuck Norris, nerd
James Bond was trained by Chuck Norris, as his butler.
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has 78.34 % from 84 votes. More jokes about: celebrity, Chuck Norris
If I could bring one dead person back to life I'd bring back Walt Disney. Just to show him the shows on Disney channel and see his reaction...
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has 78.15 % from 31 votes. More jokes about: celebrity, death, life
An airplane was about to crash. There were 4 passengers on board but only 3 parachutes. The 1st passenger said, "I am Stephen King , the best selling author of my time... My millions of fans need me , and i can't afford to die." So he took the 1st pack and left the planernThe 2nd passenger , Barack Hussein Obama, said , "I am the 44th President of the United States, and I am the smartest President in American history , so my people don't want me to die." He took the 2nd pack and jumped out of the plane.rnThe 3rd passenger, the Pope, said to the 4th passenger, a 10 year old schoolboy, "My son , I am old and don't have many years left, you have more years ahead so I will sacrifice my life and let you have the last parachute." The little boy said , "That's okay , Your Holiness, there's a parachute left for you. America's smartest President took my schoolbag."
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has 78.09 % from 204 votes. More jokes about: celebrity, death, money, stupid, time
Justin Bieber got 100,000 retweets for tweeting "Live life full". That's just 3 random words. I'm going to try now. Jockstrap squirrel potatoes.
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has 78.00 % from 66 votes. More jokes about: celebrity, internet, life, music
Why does Rick Ross rap about cars when he cant fit in them.
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has 76.99 % from 9 votes. More jokes about: celebrity, life, music
When Einstein died and arrived at the gates of heaven, St. Peter wouldn’t let him in until he proved his identity. Einstein scribbled out a couple of his equations, and was admitted into paradise. And when Picasso died, St. Peter asked, “How do I know you’re Picasso?” Picasso sketched out a couple of his masterpieces. St. Peter was convinced and let him in. When George W. Bush died, he went to heaven and met the man at the gates. “How can you prove to me you’re George W. Bush?” Saint Peter said. Bush replied, “Well heck, I don’t know.” St. Peter says, “Well, Albert Einstein showed me his equations and Picasso drew his famous pictures. What can you do to prove you’re George W. Bush?” Bush replies, “Who are Albert Einstein and Picasso?” St. Peter says, “It must be you, George, c’mon on in.”
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has 76.91 % from 68 votes. More jokes about: celebrity, heaven, life, political, science
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