The best celebrity jokes

On a golf tour in Ireland, Tiger Woods drives his BMW into a petrol station in a remote part of the Irish countryside. The pump attendant, obviously knows nothing about golf, greets him ina typical Irish manner completely unaware of who the golfing pro is. “Top of the mornin’ to yer, sir” says the attendant. Tiger nods a quick “hello” and bends forward to pick up the nozzle. As he does so, two tees fall out of his shirt pocket onto the ground. “What are those?, asks the attendant. “They’re called tees” replies Tiger. “Well, what on the god’s earth are dey for?” inquires the Irishman. “They’re for resting my balls on when I’m driving”, says Tiger. “Fookin Jaysus”, says the Irishman, “BMW thinks of everything!”
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has 78.81 % from 136 votes. More jokes about: car, celebrity, golf, sport
If I could bring one dead person back to life I'd bring back Walt Disney. Just to show him the shows on Disney channel and see his reaction...
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has 78.77 % from 32 votes. More jokes about: celebrity, death, life
James Bond was trained by Chuck Norris, as his butler.
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has 78.22 % from 89 votes. More jokes about: celebrity, Chuck Norris
Uri Geller bends spoons with his mind, Chuck Norris bends minds with a spoon.
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has 77.50 % from 30 votes. More jokes about: celebrity, Chuck Norris
An airplane was about to crash. There were 4 passengers on board but only 3 parachutes. The 1st passenger said, "I am Stephen King , the best selling author of my time... My millions of fans need me , and i can't afford to die." So he took the 1st pack and left the planernThe 2nd passenger , Barack Hussein Obama, said , "I am the 44th President of the United States, and I am the smartest President in American history , so my people don't want me to die." He took the 2nd pack and jumped out of the plane.rnThe 3rd passenger, the Pope, said to the 4th passenger, a 10 year old schoolboy, "My son , I am old and don't have many years left, you have more years ahead so I will sacrifice my life and let you have the last parachute." The little boy said , "That's okay , Your Holiness, there's a parachute left for you. America's smartest President took my schoolbag."
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has 77.46 % from 208 votes. More jokes about: celebrity, death, money, stupid, time
Me: I just bought Tupacs of Eminems for 50 Cents. Friend: That's Ludacris. How Kanye West your money like that?
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has 77.26 % from 111 votes. More jokes about: celebrity, life, money, music
Gordan Ramsey:Theres more smoke in this kitchen than snopp dogg tour bus.
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has 77.17 % from 58 votes. More jokes about: celebrity, food, life, music
Justin Bieber got 100,000 retweets for tweeting "Live life full". That's just 3 random words. I'm going to try now. Jockstrap squirrel potatoes.
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has 77.13 % from 74 votes. More jokes about: celebrity, internet, life, music
Arnold Schwarzenegger always says he'll be back. But Chuck Norris always handles things the first time
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has 77.04 % from 120 votes. More jokes about: celebrity, Chuck Norris
Why does Rick Ross rap about cars when he cant fit in them.
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has 76.99 % from 9 votes. More jokes about: celebrity, life, music
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